It can be difficult to talk to teenagers. This is often due to the parents asking these "forbidden" questions.
Here are the top 7 forbidden questions you should never ask your teenager.
Who is this, where did he come from?
If a teenager has new acquaintances or friends, you need to ask about them very carefully, without disregard in voice and demands, without reminders that "study comes first", etc.
But you need to prepare that the teenager, even with a gentle approach, will not want to tell you about new friends. In this case, it is better not to violate personal boundaries.
What is the right way to ask a child about a new friend? As neutral as possible: "Masha? Is this your new friend? " Further, the child will either tell you something or not. The teenager has every right not to answer you detailed questions about the details of dating. The more questions, the more reserved the teenager.
Why do you have 6 and Masha has 10?
Comparing your child with other children is thankless and wrong. Especially when it comes to school grades.
What answer are you waiting for the rhetorical question of why your teenager has a lower grade than a classmate? Maybe he didn't understand, maybe he didn't manage to do something. What is the point of explaining something to him if you are negative in advance and put someone else's child above your own?What is this mess in your room forever?
First, the child's private room is his personal territory. If her condition does not threaten life, health and safety, then there is no need to climb there.
Secondly, the words "forever", "always" and "never" are an exaggeration that negates all cases when the child put things in order. Shows that you did not notice it, did not appreciate it and did not remember.
You may be surprised, but you are not obliged to put things in order in a teenager's room, get things out of there for the wash, look for lost items.
What you can demand is that the mess does not go beyond the room.
Where are you going?
Nothing has happened yet, but you are already asking as if you suspect him of something.
Moreover, it is clear in advance that with any answer you will not approve either the plans or the company.
What will the teenager do? Or reluctantly to answer, or lie.Asking the child about plans, of course, is necessary. But without aggression and suspicion.
What will you do there?
It is understood that a group of teenagers will not collectively watch an educational documentary and play chess.
And, of course, you won't like the real answer, so they will lie to you. Why force a child to lie?
This does not mean at all that the teenager will certainly drink alcohol and smoke with friends, but he will not tell the details of his plans.All you can do is raise your child so that you can be more or less calm about his behavior outside the home.
Where have you really been?
And immediately the level of trust drops to zero. Did you follow the child or the phone, maybe your acquaintances saw him in the wrong place where he was supposed to be.
In any case, the child understands that he is immediately accused of lying. Even if he just changed plans along the way. For example, a teenager was supposed to be visiting a friend, but he needed to urgently go out on business - and the plans changed.
First, find out all the circumstances, and only then express your attitude to this.
Why do you need money?
Another great reason to lie. Parents who control family finances do their best to
Try to use money to put pressure on the child.
And this is a very bad strategy and will not add trust to your relationship with your teen.
The child knows that if he tells the truth, you will not approve and will not give money "for this nonsense".The teenager needs to regularly allocate pocket money. And how he will spend them is his business.
You will also be interested to read:
- Financial parenting mistakes that all parents make
- How to persuade your teen to keep his room in order
- 5 topics to discuss with your teen
