You are successful, beautiful, you have a good family, but your mom will never rejoices your achievements? Instead, it tells you purposely hurtful words, demeaning and lowering your self-esteem. It looks like parent envy. What it is? And how to find the "antidote" to the depreciation of his own mother?
You may say that this does not happen, can not own mother jealous of her daughter, she gave birth to her, nursed, nights not fill up. Even as it happens. See how many of these problems discussed at the forum. Why is this happening? And what to do when you jealous own mother?
WHY MOM envy?
Often the mother is jealous of her daughter when the child is crossing threshold of adolescence and gradually "takes off" from the slot. Then the maternal instinct of love, though, disappears and comes strong envy to successes daughter. It is precisely in moments of strong success adult child: the races in his career, a successful marriage, a wonderful vacation in a place of dreams. Then substitute mother, she begins to depreciate daughter in the eyes of her husband, co-workers and her own. Just think, an achievement!
If you tell just the envy of the mechanism is as follows: it is not the mother is jealous, is jealous of her inner child, a woman of 18, 20, 25 years, which at that time of life was less successful.
Another mechanism of unconscious envy - the fear to let go of the child and to be alone. Therefore, by hook or by crook trying to keep mum daughter, causing her feelings of guilt.
How do I know that my mother jealous of you?
she will constantly criticized with or without. She always says caustic phrases in your address. For example, you knowingly bought the pricey pants, because they have the fullest.
Puts pressure on pity. Mom did not forget to repeat what you then, of course, lucky, but she had a lot of troubles and tribulations. And these moms say that the money given to you easily, and everything in your life have brought you on a silver platter. In this way, she tries to evoke a sense of guilt and shame.
Devalues your husband. No matter how much joy you gave no husband, no matter how well done it was not for her, he - a loser, lazy, a womanizer. And, of course, you are very lucky, because with such a character, appearance, figure - well, that someone took you all married. She just jealous of your family happiness.
He refuses help.At first, my mother complains about the lack of money, and when you offer them, refuses, do not forget to repeat what she's given to children. Again, this is a way to induce a sense of guilt.
Coldly refers to his grandchildren. She rarely comes to visit you, and does not rejoice grandchildren. Yes, but does not forget to remind you that you educate them completely wrong.
Depreciates in the eyes of others. If someone tells her about your successes, she does not forget to remind them that you are absolutely miserable, because her husband cheating on you, and you have a bad job.
WHAT TO DO?
Blaming the mother of envy is not necessary. She does not realize it and, in a scandal, you will not achieve anything. Necessary learn to live with itAnd therefore less to devote my mother in my life.
1. Live separately. Then the points of contact will be less.
2.Hide income and expenses.
3.Do not discuss her personal life, and children who do not dedicate it to your everyday problems.
4. For every sarcastic remark remember that it is - just a poor woman, and it does not speak your mother, and that inner resentful aunt.
5. Take it. This is the most difficult. Do not need her to investigate the cause of envy, if she wants to do it herself, then go to a specialist. Therefore, take it so, and try to ignore its depreciation.
In any case, if you will understand its value, stop insulting replicas cause in you a nasty feeling.
You will also be interested to know Why not blame yourself: 5 situations where self-criticism is harmful.
Photo source text: istockphoto.com
