All the problems and complexes of a person are laid in childhood. And a lot depends on the parents and how they raise their children. The concept of a “toxic parent” is now very common. How not to become one? How not to cripple the lives of beloved children? Here are the signs of toxic parents that will help you avoid mistakes in raising your daughters and sons.
Of course, children are different, and parents too. And I agree that both strictness and control should be present in upbringing, but only in moderation. This also applies to pampering, permissiveness, calmness - there should be a measure in everything! Remember, a child is not your thing, not your possession, but an independent person.
And yet, we are all living people, and we can make mistakes, including parents are not immune from mistakes. The most important thing is to understand these mistakes, recognize the problem and fix everything. Please don't allow these things in raising your children.
Signs of a toxic parent
Lack of support
Many parents are sure that children should do absolutely everything themselves; therefore, literally from kindergarten, they try to accustom the baby to a harsh life. I recently saw this in Kindergarten. The mothers bring the children, leave them in the locker room and leave. And the kids dress up. Yes, I understand everything, they teach them to be independent, but their children ask other people's parents to help them, they still can't cope, the children cry: "Mom left me." And what would it cost the mother to just be present next to the child, controlling the process? It would take 2-3 minutes at the most!
Years go by, children grow up, and they need more and more support from their parents. They do not need an understanding that mom and dad will decide everything for them, but the realization that they will be on their side, provide moral support, give advice, and understand.
Constant criticism
We all want to raise our children in the best way, and for some reason, many people think that this will work out great, thanks to criticism. But criticism can push a child away from you far and for a long time. Find a middle ground between her and praise.
The idea that a child owes its parents
This is the wrong position. You don’t need to tell your child that because of him you arranged your life the wrong way, abandoned your career, lost your health, nerves, strength, and now he owes you. To give birth or not - it was only your choice, right? And your children do not owe you anything, as well as other relatives.
ridicule
The child must be protected from troubles and insults. A toxic parent may make fun of the appearance, clothing, hairstyle, personality, successes and failures of their children. This is a real humiliation.
Insults
Constant insults to children can negatively affect their relationship with their parents. Never allow yourself to insult your child, it's low, it's terrible.
Lack of emotion
A toxic parent does not allow himself to once again say something kind and pleasant to the child, and does not allow him to show his emotions. He can say: "don't cry", push away when the baby wants to hug. And you need to teach children to empathize, feel, show emotions, talk about feelings.
Intimidation
Excessive severity leads to the fact that the child begins to be afraid of his parents. And this will lead to the fact that in a difficult situation, a son or daughter will never tell mom and dad about their problems, they will be afraid of condemnation, that they will be scolded, that they will not be understood.
Independent decision making
The toxic parent wants the child to be independent while still on the potty, but he does not give him any say. But absolutely every member of the family should take part in solving family issues.
The embodiment through the child of one's own desires
If a parent dreamed of playing the piano, being a doctor, or doing ballroom dancing as a child, this does not mean that his children will also want to do this. A child is a person, we must allow him to do what he loves.
Tight control
After all, adults also do not like it when someone tries to control them? So why do so many parents demand constant accountability from their children?
ignore
Well, this is, as I think, some stupid stupid games. After a quarrel, keep silent, offend and ignore the child? Congratulations, you have some work to do. Learn to solve problems like adults! No, not with fists, but with conversations!
Disrespect for children's personal boundaries
Everyone should have their own comfort zone, and so should children! No need to eavesdrop on telephone conversations, break into the room to the child without knocking. Respect his personal boundaries!
Excessive expectations
If the child did not live up to your expectations, then this is only your problem. And he doesn't owe you anything. You just need to love a child, and not expect something from him, demand, and then, not getting what you want, be offended.
Do you have anything to add to this list?
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/13-priznakov-toksichnogo-roditelya.html
