Not every parent can be good. Yes, we can all make mistakes, sometimes commit stupid acts, but today we are talking about a separate category of parents who harm their children.
Signs of toxic parents
They don't respect personal boundaries.
For example, parents literally track their child's movements. I agree that if it is necessary for the safety of the child, then it is permissible. But in other cases, it is harm. For example, toxic parents calmly enter their child's room without knocking, allow themselves to rummage through his personal belongings, read his diary. Then the child grows up, and it will be difficult for him to recognize both his own and other people's boundaries.
They do not give the child a sense of security.
The strictness of a parent is not yet safety for the child. Sometimes even those who have been kept in tight hands throughout their childhood cannot take care of themselves after they come of age. Children grow up weak, because of any obstacle that has arisen in their life, they simply give up. This is what leads to excessive rigor and lack of support.
They criticize the child
A child needs healthy criticism, otherwise he will grow up to be a real bummer. After all, you need to learn how to do household chores, and without rigor and criticism, there is nowhere. But the toxic parent goes to extremes, his criticism humiliates and insults the child, he destroys his personality. The parent himself thinks that by criticizing, he protects the child from making serious mistakes. But this is not the case.
They want a lot of attention.
They are sure that the children owe them. We owe it because they gave birth to them, fed them, clothed them, etc. And they do not want to understand that the child also has a life of its own, besides the home. If this continues to develop, then in old age these toxic parents will drive their adult children crazy, demanding increased attention to themselves.
They taunt the child
They can make fun of his mistakes, laugh at his appearance, etc. Of course, sometimes jokes are very good, but if such ridicule has already become a habit, this is a real problem.
They blame everything on the child
If a person has grown up and believes that he deserves all the punishments in childhood, physical insults from his parents, etc., it means that he lived in real toxicity. A toxic parent is very tricky. Let's say there is a conflict, and he hits his child, he cries, is punished, etc. After a while the parent starts torment the feeling of guilt, he goes to apologize to the child, adding that he himself brought it to this, he himself is to blame for everyone. It seems like he apologized, but it seems that he threw off the responsibility on the child.
They prevent thoughts and emotions from being expressed.
For example, they prohibit crying, do not allow to get angry, do not give an opinion about something. Keeping negative within a child can lead to the development of depression and anxiety. And if he is constantly gagged, not allowing him to express thoughts, he will grow up to be an introverted person who considers himself to be no one, unimportant, with the absence of at least some kind of opinion, living according to templates.
They terrify the child
If a child is afraid of his parent, this does not mean that he respects him. Children are much more respectful of those parents who give support and love. Yes, a child needs discipline, but you cannot be intimidated, this can destroy his psyche.
They only think about themselves
They do not take into account the feelings of the child, and only care about their own. Yes, in general, the final decision should always be with the parents, but they must take into account the feelings of each family member.
They manipulate the child
If you've ever felt guilty about your parents at least once in your life, then you too have been manipulated. This is the behavior of a toxic parent. The child grows up, but they continue to control him, he is manipulated with the help of a feeling of guilt, he is crushed with phrases: “we did everything for you”.
Nobody knows how to properly raise a child. And many are worried about how not to turn into a toxic parent. If you want to raise a good person, just set an example through personal experience, respect the child, take his opinion into account, and give him personal space.
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/10-veshhej-kotorye-delajut-toksichnye-roditeli-nanosya-vred-svoim-detyam.html
