Undoubtedly, praise cheers up absolutely any person. Praised you at work, thanked your friends or family. It seems that everything is logical. You did a good job, helped your loved ones with something, and the very "thank you" came to you. And you immediately feel so much better. But hasn't it turned into a real addiction?
Sometimes people forget that the praise of others does not determine their value. She, like criticism, is just a reaction to an act. In the case of criticism - to a mistake, in the case of approval, vice versa. So the words of others only characterize your action, no more, but they do not characterize you, for example, as a specialist or a person in general!
By the way, approval doesn't always bring a good mood. For example, will you please with a positive feedback from a specialist in a completely different field of activity? No, this is not praise from the boss.
Would you say that approval motivates you? Well, maybe, but still, seeking approval from others is bad for you! This is because over time you become sensitive and, without a foreign word, are not able to form a reasonable opinion of yourself. This makes you vulnerable. And you begin to agree with everything, as long as you are not rejected by society.
Answer the following questions honestly, so you will notice whether you are dependent on the opinions and approval of strangers:
- Do you feel bad when you are criticized?
- Do you have a need to thank others?
- Can't you refuse colleagues or relatives to do some extra work, even if it ruins all your plans?
- Do you assess your success based on the assessment of others?
- Are you constantly worried about what others will say?
- Is it important for you to know someone else's opinion before you form your own?
- Can you safely give up your point of view and do not defend your opinion?
- Do you often apologize or make excuses?
- Do you have to adapt to the opinions and views of others in order to always be “your own”?
- Does praise give you a boost?
If you answered "yes" to at least 5 questions, you have a dependency in someone else's approval!
Now let's find out how to deal with your addiction.
Analyze your own beliefs
You must understand why it is so important for you to be praised. Now you need to write down your thoughts, and write a list of all the pros and cons. This way you will find out if your belief is correct and you will be able to make changes.
Why is it unjustified to be afraid of approval?
It is worth making a list on the topic: what makes you uncomfortable with criticism, but still it is not fatal. Try to keep your arguments clear and vivid, so that they are not in doubt.
Learn to depend only on your approval
Here you have done something that you like, and it should satisfy you. And do not expect to be praised by someone else, refuse someone else's approval. To do this, do not dwell on your actions and exploits. Learn to thank yourself.
You know, everyone is pleased with the approval. We love our relatives, we like to make them feel good, we are glad when they are happy, hug us and say how grateful we are. But learn to do something pleasant for them, not expecting anything in return, but simply because you love them.
As far as work is concerned, just do what is assigned to you. You don't have to try to do more than you can just for the sake of another gratitude from the leadership. Do this to be happy with yourself.
Self-love can lead you to be independent from other people's opinions. Just try to stop pleasing, you don't have to be liked by everyone, as long as you are comfortable!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/kak-prekratit-borotsya-s-poiskom-odobreniya-okruzhajushhih.html
