Odessan expels his wife and child from home - where to go for help

Domestic violence often takes on hidden forms. No one beats anyone, but the conditions for life in the family are unbearable. So, for example, in Odessa, a husband has been driving his spouse with a baby out into the street for several nights in a row. The reason is absurd: the baby has begun a period of colic, and this prevents the man from getting enough sleep before work. A woman sleeps in a children's labyrinth, and a child sleeps next to her in a stroller. At the same time, the mother does not want to contact the police and does not consider herself a victim of abuse.

Signs of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is not always associated with assault / istockphoto.com

The situation was made public by caring neighbors. For the fifth night in a row, they have watched a mother with a two-month-old baby in a stroller settle down for the night in a children's labyrinth. The woman takes a blanket out of the house with her, climbs inside and guards the stroller until morning. She explains her strange behavior by the fact that the child is now going through a period of colic. Because of this, he screams a lot at night, and this screaming prevents her husband from getting enough sleep.

Mom categorically rejects offers to contact the police. According to her, soon "everything will pass", and she and the baby will be able to safely return home. But there is no guarantee that the situation will not happen again, and the next time she will not have to sleep on the street when the child's teeth "crawl".

Such things clearly indicate that there is abuse or domestic violence in the family. It can manifest itself in different ways, and is not always accompanied by bruises and bruises. Most often, abuse implies psychological pressure, when a rapist “crushes” his victim so much that she voluntarily agrees with his most absurd decisions.

Here are some obvious signs of psychological violence in the family:

1. A woman, being a victim, considers herself a savior. This is what is happening now in Odessa. Leaving the street, the mother is sincerely sure that she is doing a good deed: she helps her husband, tired of work, to spend the night calmly.
2. The woman considers herself guilty and seeks an excuse for the rapist. Again, an example from Odessa: nothing bad, my husband is just nervous about not getting enough sleep
3. The woman rejects offers of help. Any attempts by relatives or strangers to understand the situation or suggest ways out are broken by the phrase "I'm fine"
4. The woman is financially dependent. Most often, this is faced by young mothers who, due to the birth of a child, lose their source of income. The man uses this and begins to "shorten the leash", frightening his spouse that for disobedience he will leave her without money
5. The woman is in psychological dependence. When an adult lady in everything and for everything asks permission from her partner, this is a sign that her personality is depressed. There is a big difference between telling your husband that you are having a bachelorette party or asking him if he can go there.
6. The woman hides her personal life. It's not about washing dirty linen out of huts and washing the bones of the faithful with your friends. But if a woman completely distanced herself from family and friends, and does not share her plans with them and emotions, this is a sign that her whole personal life and space are under total control spouse.

Domestic violence: where to go for help

Coping with domestic violence is difficult without help / istockphoto.com

The main danger of psychological abuse is that the victim often does not consider himself a victim. And even if she feels that something is wrong, she has no “official” reason to ask for help. There are no bruises or beatings on the body, and all other reasons for the same police are not an argument. True, now at the legislative level (Law of Ukraine "On Preventing and Countering Domestic Violence") there are four types of violence: physical, sexual, psychological and economic. However, usually the police ignore cases of abuse without "massacre".

If you feel that you need psychological help, you can contact the online platform "It seems to me". Here you can anonymously talk about your situation, read the stories of other people who have found themselves in similar situations, and get a free consultation with a psychologist by phone. On the site "Rosirvi Kolo" you can read about how to recognize each type of domestic violence, as well as get instructions on how to protect yourself.

If you need not only psychological, but real help, you can call the following numbers:

• 15-47 - State hotline for victims of domestic violence;
• 116-123 or 0 800 500 335 - Public organization for the protection of the rights of women and children "La Strada";
• 772 or 0 800 500 225 - National Children's Hotline;
• 0 800 213 103 - Free legal aid hotline;
• 0 800 213 103 - Legal Aid Coordination Center.

Practicing psychologists will advise you on the first two phone numbers, and they will also tell you where and how it will be most convenient for you to get support. Now in all regions of Ukraine there are 393 mobile brigades of the Ministry of Social Policy, which go to the call on the fact of domestic violence. In addition, there is a special police department "POLINA", which is trained to counter domestic violence. In case of need or threat to life, specialists will help you move to a special shelter for women and children.

There are 33 such shelters in the country today. In the Transcarpathian, Odessa and Chernivtsi regions there are 3 shelters each. In Kiev, Dnieper, Donetsk, Lvov, Nikolaev, Poltava, Kharkov and Kiev regions - 2 shelters. In Vinnitsa, Volyn, Zaporozhye, Lugansk, Rivne, Ternopil, Kherson and Khmelnitsky regions - 1 each. The addresses and phone numbers of the shelters were not disclosed for the safety of victims of domestic violence. Here a woman (alone or with a child) can get temporary housing and social security in order to somehow solve the problem and understand what to do next.

In addition, the country has 116 regional hotlines to counter domestic violence, in many cities have day rooms where the victim can receive "live" support from psychologists and counseling lawyers.

Domestic violence: where to go in Kiev

• 15-00, 044-272-15-00 - Center for Gender Equality, Prevention and Counteraction to Violence, st. Ilyenko, 20
• (093) 743-78-33 Day Center "Right to Health", st. Dovzhenko, 2, office. 11
•  (068) 441-95-07 - Kiev city center of social and psychological assistance, st. Novodarnitskaya, 26, building 1
• (044) 524-20-31, (068) 320-06-76 - Center for Family and Women's Affairs "Family House", ave. Science, 18, st. Budarin, 3-B
• (044) 518-73-72 - Center for Family and Women's Affairs of the Desniansky District of Kiev, st. Kurchatova 14-A
• (044) 456-05-27 - Solomensky district in the city of Kiev "Family Center", st. Garmatnaya, 29/27
• (044) 440-46-22 - Center for Family and Women's Affairs of the Shevchenko District, st. Elena Teligi, 43

Domestic violence: where to go in Odessa

• 705-54-12, 705-54-13 - Center for assistance to women (women with children) who have suffered from violence, if the woman (woman with children) has nowhere to go from the abuser;
• 797-29-79 - Service for Children of the Odessa City Council, if children suffer from violence, or children have witnessed it;
• 784-92-67 - Center for Social Services of the Odessa City Council.
• (048) 770 14 57, (048 705 54 12) - Day care center at Pedagogicheskaya, 24

Domestic violence: where to go in Dnipro

• 0-800-505-085 - helpline and support for residents of the Dnipropetrovsk region;
• (056) 370-48-19 - hotline "If a child is offended", Dnipropetrovsk regional center of social services for families, children and youth;
• (099) 366-64-75, (063) 335-91-09 - mobile teams of social and psychological assistance of the UN Fund;
• (099) 632-77-01 - "Pani Patronessa" organization (helps victims of domestic violence and rehabilitates aggressors)
• (056) 749-61-34, (056) 749-61-32 - Dnipro city social center for mothers and children at 121-B Alexander Pol Avenue.

Domestic violence: where to go in Kharkiv

• (057) 700-39-52; (063) 400-3-300; (099) 092-55-51 - helpline "Ariadne's thread"
• (057) 719-44-02 - public organization "Nadiya", st. Petrovsky, 6/8.
• (057) 705-61-63 - Kharkiv city center "Dovira", pl. Freedom, 5
• Social service centers for families, children and youth in every district of the city

Domestic violence: where to go in Lviv

• 0 800 307 305 - the hotline number to call in Lviv if you need help during domestic violence and settling in a shelter;
• (067) 674-07-70 - Information and consulting line of the NGO "Center for Women Perspectives";
• 15-58 - helpline "Stavropigion";
• 0 800 307 305 - hotline of the mobile brigade of social and psychological assistance (for residents of Lvov, Vinnikov, Rudno, Bryukhovych);
• (067) 834-06-38 - phone number of the mobile brigade of social and psychological assistance at the Yavorsky regional center;
• (097) 973 46 87 - telephone number of the Novostlyshchanskaya mobile brigade of social and psychological assistance;
• (032) 261-09-42 - Lviv Regional Center of Social Services for Family, Children and Youth

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How to tell if a man is violent

Psychological abuse: how to prosecute and what is the evidence base