In childhood, there are situations that, repeating themselves, each time cause tears in the child. What should parents do? Alla Slotvinskaya, a child psychotherapist, advises
What to do if the child cries every time when ...
... mom helps
“When my son falls, strikes, then I always rush to help. And in response, he usually gets angry about what happened, hits me, pushes me away and cries even more. Probably thinks that it is my fault that he fell. I have already explained many times that you should not run so fast so as not to fall, you need to look under your feet, etc. This situation is constantly repeated. How to convince a child that it is not the mother's fault? Why doesn't he accept help? My son is 3 years old ”, - Irina.
Psychologist's answer: “Your question reflects the guilt you feel when something happens to your child. He hardly considers his mother to be guilty of what happened. Rather, he is angry that he feels helpless when you rush to him.
At three years old, children consider themselves independent, and they need help only when they ask. Otherwise, they will think that their mother does not believe that they can cope on their own. It is better to talk when he calms down. And the conversation should be based on the questions: "Why do you think you fell?" etc. It is also a mistake to scold, for example, the table that the baby hit: this teaches the child to shift responsibility. " …
A child cries when his toys are taken away / istockphoto.com
... take away the toy
“How should parents behave when their child is being bullied on the playground? We were faced with a situation when a boy pushed our daughter away from her bike. My child eventually gave in, didn't give change and started crying. My daughter is two years old. And so she behaves constantly when they take her toys. What should parents do in such situations? Maybe you should have kicked the boy instead of his mother? " - Tatiana.
Psychologist's answer: “It is important for parents to understand: while the child cannot defend himself, they should take on the role of protector. We need to show him an example of how to act. In this situation, you could go up to the boy and say that this is your daughter's bike, that you need to ask her permission, and only when she gives permission, you can take it. Since he was also pushing, it was necessary to tell him: "I will not let you offend your daughter." At the same time, if a child swings at yours, you can stop him by holding his hand, but in no case should you “give lula” - you are not on an equal footing with him, he is much weaker than you.
When the situation settles down, discuss it with your daughter directly. Play it at home with toys or come up with a fairy tale on this topic. It is also important to convey to your child that if a hand is raised on him, he can give back. And you can leave the "battlefield" only in extreme cases - when you cannot defend yourself.
Up to what age to act as a protector? Everything here is individual. For example, if the family has older children, then the child may very early learn to defend their interests. But on average, up to three years, almost everyone needs to be taught to defend themselves. Closer to school, the rule begins to operate: if a child has a conflict with a child, then it is necessary that they figure it out themselves. If there is a conflict with an adult, then it is already necessary to intervene. " …
... "uncles" come to visit
“My daughter, from about a year old, began to be afraid of other people's men. Weeps when they come to visit us. Can get scared and cry if "uncle" refers to her on the street. She is now 2.2 years old, but the problem has not disappeared, ”- Elena.
The psychologist's answer: “From about eight months, children develop fear of strangers. But by the age of one and a half, it usually goes away. Your daughter is already more than two years old, so I think that after all, such a reaction was caused not by age characteristics, but by the fact that there was a situation in which she was afraid of some man.
If you can remember such a situation, talk it over to your child. For example: “When you were a year old, an uncle came to visit us, he spoke very loudly, you were scared”.
You may not remember the situation, but this does not mean that there was no fear. Someone could look into the stroller - and the child was very frightened. Your task is to help your child understand that not all uncles are scary. To this end, pay your daughter's attention to the male characters in the books, on the street say: "Look, my uncle is walking, when he was little, he also loved sweets," etc. And one more thing: mom can be analyzed whether she has a fear of men. Unconsciously, a child can adopt it. " …
A toddler cries at the sight of other children / istockphoto.com
... sees babies
“A daughter, 1 year and 7 months old, is afraid of small children (her peers and younger ones). She got this fear when a girl on the playground bit her. After that, she only sees the babies and immediately starts crying, ”- Ekaterina.
The psychologist's answer: “It is important to talk about the situation when the daughter was very frightened of a small child for the first time. Tell your daughter why the girl bit her, explain to her that not all children bite. If you don't tell her, how will she know? She will continue to believe that all children are dangerous.
Having discussed this, give the child the opportunity to observe other babies on the playground. Let her be in your arms at the same time. Draw her attention to the fact that they smile, laugh, share toys, etc. Then show by example how to communicate with them, how to speak, how to play. This will help your daughter understand that not all young children are aggressive. ”
You will also be interested to read:
5 types of baby tantrums that drive even the staunchest parents crazy
How to understand why a child is crying: the most ridiculous reasons for children's tears
