What is the right way to punish children? How can you find a middle ground in punishment so that you can teach your child boundaries without losing intimacy with him? Psychologist Irina Nikitenko gives 10 tips
First time sorry and explain
If a kid, for example, broke a cup for the first time in his life, then do not scold him, but explain that this is a fragile object, and such items break when they fall. Agree that he will hold the cup tighter next time.
2. Explain what you are punishing each time.
If the child, despite the explanatory work, continues to violate the accepted rules, punish him by reminding him that “we agreed,” “you promised,” etc. Then the punishment will be perceived fairly.
Always reconcile with the child after the punishment.
3. If punishment cannot be avoided, it must follow immediately the offense.
Children's memory is short. If you come home after work and find out that your child threw a tantrum on his grandmother and spilled the soup on purpose, and decide to spank him, keep in mind that your anger will not be perceived by the child. Simply because he has already forgotten about his wrongdoing. In this case, the punishment will bring nothing but resentment. And even more so, one cannot punish "tomorrow for yesterday" or do it several times for one offense.
4. For prevention - warning
Preempting a problem is always easier than solving it when it has already arisen. Therefore, warn the child. For example: "If you don't put your toys away, you won't go for a walk."
5. Educate by example
If parents punish a child for something that they do not perform themselves, for example, do not clean their room, this causes him to protest and generates a feeling of disrespect for them.
6. Respond confidently and decisively to challenging behavior.
If the child demonstrates clear disobedience, for example, if the mother forbids him to pull his hair, and he continues to do so, the child should be punished with confidence and decisiveness. If this is not done, the parent begins to look helpless in his eyes and loses authority.
Don't go too far in punishment / istockphoto.com
7. Distinguish willfulness from irresponsibility
Do not punish your child for an unintentional misconduct - for example, if he forgot to comply with your request. Children's memory is not yet perfect. It should not be confused with malicious disobedience.
8. Don't put on performances
If the parent is not an artist, then his grasping at the heart and demonstrative reception of Corvalol will achieve the opposite effect: children are extremely sensitive to falsehood and quickly learn bad things. So, putting on performances, you run the risk of raising a hypocrite or a person who will not care about the feelings of other people.
9. When the conflict is over, comfort the child and explain everything to him.
After being punished, the child may feel guilty and confused. Therefore, some time after the punishment, make peace. Hug the baby, stroke him, tell him how much you love him and how unpleasant it is for you to punish him. But explain to him again why he is being punished and what to do next time.
10. Make exceptions
Forthcoming punishments should not overwhelm with their inevitability. Do not be insensitive robots in the eyes of the child - sometimes be able to forgive him or allow yourself to be persuaded not to punish him. Let the children understand that you are also a living person: this way you will become closer to him.
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