Mamotherapy: what to say to a child when he is sick

The thing is that up to six years old a child forms his “I”. And this happens primarily on the basis of observing the behavior of parents, their reactions. It is the close environment during this period that becomes his mirror. Moreover, the baby reads not only verbal (verbal) information, but also non-verbal information.

"I'll give you an example. Mom quarreled with her husband, tension arises in her body, in her thoughts she is constantly replaying the conflict, restraining anger and aggression. At the same time, she needs to take care of the baby. She can smile at him, say how good he is, but the child will feel her tension, and he may have a fever. He begins to react with his body the way his mother should have responded: not to restrain emotions, but to “raise the degree,” for example, by expressing his dissatisfaction, declaring his boundaries. Children either copy their parents or act contrary to them. In this case, the child shows what the mother suppresses ”,

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- explains the expert.

This example describes the psychosomatic nature of the appearance of temperature (psychosomatics studies the influence of psychological factors on the occurrence of bodily diseases). Until the age of six, she is mainly associated with her parents, after that the child is already living his psychosomatics. “By this age, he begins to separate from his parents. He has his own attitude to conflicts, - explains Yanina Danish. - And often for this reason children change a lot. They say that they are outgrowing, but in fact they can simply already cope with the reactions of their parents. "

Don't blame yourself for everything

Is it worth looking for psychosomatics in any painful manifestations in a child? No, especially if the mother knows the cause of their occurrence: for example, they visited a visit where the baby has a cold, and yours also fell ill.

"But if the snot arose out of the blue, then their reason, perhaps, is in my mother's unshed tears,"

- says Yanina Danish. But the expert warns that before you start digging yourself, you need to call a doctor: "After all, the younger the child, the greater the danger that the disease will develop very quickly."

How to work on yourself

Our "excavations" with Yanina Danish about long-term allergies at my daughter's.

I. D: How do you feel about your daughter's illness?

Me: Guilt for giving her a strong allergen, and irritation on myself.

I. D: What do you want to do with these emotions?

Me: At the moment - nothing.

I. D: For the symptom to go away, you need to throw it out. For example, if the irritation is severe, you can beat the pillow. If you want to rush around with this negative, it means that it is beneficial to you in some way.

Me (after thinking): While my daughter is allergic, I cannot give her another vaccine, which I am very afraid of. And by the way, she gets sick every time we have a vaccination on the calendar.

I. D: You came up with such a game in order to refuse vaccination, shifted the responsibility to your daughter: while she is sick, you do not do it. This is the position of a small child. You need to decide if you are vaccinating your child. If yes, then when? What respite are you giving yourself?

I gave myself a delay for a month, because after an allergy, at least 2 weeks should pass before vaccination. Exactly after this time, all the rashes disappeared.

“Sometimes the awareness of the mother is enough for the child's unpleasant symptoms to disappear,” comments Yanina Danish. - In my practice, there was a case. A woman called with a problem: her 5-year-old son suffered from constant constipation. I asked her: in what area of ​​life do you restrain yourself strongly? Mom did not answer, she just said: "I understood everything." The next day she called back with good news: in the morning her son went to the toilet "

If simple awareness is not enough and the mother continues, for example, to be afraid of vaccinations, the psychologist advises her to do this work.

1. The first step is to prescribe in detail what you are afraid of: complications, which ones, etc.
2. After that, figure out what you can do to avoid them. These should be specific steps: for example, consult a pediatrician, get tested, choose a quality vaccine, etc.
3. Next, you need to write down your feelings, if the child still feels bad from the vaccination: "In my body arises ...".
4. Then ask yourself a question: How can you help yourself during such unpleasant emotions. Someone is helped by meditation, someone is helped by dancing. It is important to memorize this real practice of tranquility so that you can apply it when needed.
5. Ask a question to mothers you know, whose children tolerated the vaccine well - what condition were they in? Surely the answer will be "We did not think about complications", "We were not afraid." Tell yourself what will help you not to think about it.

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