Our children require a lot of attention and care. In this big scary world without parents, they will simply disappear! It is natural when dad and mom spend a lot of time with their baby. But few people think about the fact that parents harm themselves by this! What harm are you talking about? - someone will say. But this is not my opinion, it is from the point of view of psychology - living for the sake of children is pernicious!
Let's try to understand, using the example of simple stories, what psychologists are trying to convey to us!
Svetlana and Alexey
They got married quite early, she was only 20, he was 24 years old. They were so in love, just in seventh heaven. And they became even happier when they learned that Svetlana was expecting a baby. The guys were preparing for the appearance of the little man with all their might. We made repairs in one room, bought a bath, a crib. After the ultrasound, which revealed that the couple would have a girl, the guys began to buy pink things for her from all the stores. Alexey even ordered a branded stroller from Germany!
And then came the birthday of little Alice. And from the moment Svetlana left the hospital, relationship problems began. Alexey thought that when he returned from work, a delicious dinner and a beautiful wife would always be waiting for him. But instead, he sometimes had to cook for himself on his own, and Svetlana became more and more because of everything on her husband, she stopped painting and met her husband in an old dressing gown and with a bun on head. All the romance of the relationship collapsed. Now every minute of the couple in love obeyed Alice's routine.
This story is very common. Not all men want to go back to a house where a small child is screaming. They just do not imagine until the baby is born that everything is much more complicated and serious than expected. Men do not want to live for the sake of children, so they start to disappear at work, linger, and amuse their leisure time. Women sometimes completely immerse themselves in children, and they generally forget about their husbands.
Elena and Sergey
The lovers met for several months, and then Elena found out that she was pregnant. Sergei immediately disowned himself, for such a turn of events he did not prepare in any way. He left his girlfriend when his son Artyom was not yet born, and Elena had to raise him herself. Mother helped. It was with her that Elena alternated in feedings and motion sickness, it was the grandmother who went to matinees with her granddaughter and did homework with him.
Artem grew up a true gentleman, he played sports all his life, received an education, found a promising job, bought an apartment and a car. He is now 45 years old. He is still not married, he has no children, but his mother calls him several times a day. Elena devoted her whole life to her son, and could not arrange her personal life.
Another very common story. A man abandons a woman, she becomes disillusioned with the entire male field, and begins to devote herself entirely to children.
What do psychologists say?
As for the first story, then the couple had to try to carve out time for themselves. If Alexei lacked a beautiful wife so much, then he had to take on part of the responsibility for raising the baby on himself, then his wife would be less tired. It would be possible to attract relatives, and at least occasionally leave the daughter with them in order to be alone.
In the second story, the son was the meaning of life for Elena, which became disastrous for both the mother and the child. She could not arrange her life, and he could not meet the girl.
To prevent all this from happening, you need to understand that you cannot give your whole life to children without a trace! Yes, you need to take care, educate, communicate, but parents should take care of themselves, have fun, meet with friends. Only then boys and girls will not become victims of excessive parental care, and will be able to build their lives much better in the future.
Women, love yourself, love your husband. Your children will grow up, and then you still have to live together. But in many pairs, as soon as the children fly out of the nest, problems begin, because everything was spinning around them, and then suddenly it turns out that they have the whole meaning of life, and the husband and wife have nothing to do with talk.
Travel, talk more, respect each other's personal boundaries. Appreciate yourself, spend money and time on yourself, live for yourself! And let your children breathe, less care, let them choose their own path!
This will benefit both you and them!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/na-pervom-plane-dolzhny-byt-deti-ili-vy-sami.html