The pain experienced by a person who has lost his father is simply impossible to describe in words. Everything that others say does not give consolation: "You can handle it", "Hold on", "Think of the living", "Everyone goes through this", "It happens to everyone." All these words just start to infuriate. Well, what everyone talks about, when the wound from loss is completely fresh, it bleeds, and most of all it drives you crazy that nothing can be done or changed.
When people try to cheer and comfort with words, for some reason, there is a fake in their voice. The death of one of the parents is especially difficult at a time when you yourself have not yet decided in life and have not figured out what you want.
Let's talk today about three emotions that every person who has lost their father experiences. Nobody talks about them, but everyone experiences them.
Being lost
Parents are the first people we see when we come to this world. From the moment we took our first breath, they constantly took care of us. They showed us the right way, taught us life, brought up, helped to overcome various obstacles.
When a person loses one of their parents, they feel lost. It is especially hard for those who had a strong bond with their father, and now it has broken off. I would like to talk to him, ask for advice, feel his support. But instead, you almost have to talk to yourself, cry into your pillow, not understand what and how to do. Father's words always supported in difficult moments, and his presence always saved from stress and worries.
Now the father is gone, and those around you assure you that you can handle it. But all these are just empty words for you. It will be difficult for you to cope, very difficult. You will be constantly haunted by emptiness, until the time passes, until you learn to decide everything on your own, until you become a mature person.
Yearning
Even if you were not very close with your dad, his departure will leave a big indelible mark on your life. It is quite difficult to realize that the father is gone and will never return. It can take years to come to terms with this! They say that pain will pass over time, time heals. But this is not the case. It's just that your pain will dull, and longing will always eat you up. At first, you, forced to continue your life's affairs, will suddenly remember that your father is gone. You know, when you sit, do something, get distracted by important things, and like a blow to the heart: "My dad died," and tears, and great melancholy, emptiness. You will remember him every day, conducting a conversation with him, albeit mentally.
You may always have a conversation with your late father. No matter how hard those around you try to comfort you, longing will be with you for a very long time. Until you find something that can heal your soul, your wounds.
Guilt
Everyone has a feeling of guilt after the death of their father. Someone blames himself that he spent little time with his parent, someone that did not have time to tell his father about his feelings for him, and someone that simply dad died. But you are not to blame for your father's death! I know it's useless to say now, you will always be gnawed at the thought that you could have done something, changed something.
It's even more difficult when dad dies in your arms. You will constantly think about what could be the best son or the best daughter, you will blame yourself for every moment when you hurt your father, when you behaved unworthily with him. All this, unfortunately, will be. So everyone. Everyone experiences this ...
You will remember every time when you answered him rudely, when you hung up, talking to him, how you deceived him, did not fulfill a promise, did not obey, did not visit him. But in the end, you will still feel better, and you will be able to learn from the mistakes you made.
I will not say words of consolation, I myself went through it, words are simply useless here. I just wish you strength and patience ...
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/3-emocii-kotorye-ispytyvaet-kazhdyj-kto-poteryal-otca-no-ne-govorit-ob-etom.html
