Many adults live with childhood traumas, not even thinking that their problems come from childhood.
The most correct way to deal with them is to see a professional psychotherapist. But what if there is no such possibility?
1. Train your emotional intelligence
Learn to correctly express emotions and determine the emotional state of other people.
Control your mood, recognize the mixing of emotions.
Learn to manage your negative experiences, withdraw from them if necessary.
Calculate your motivation and the real rationale for your actions, especially those that cause you inconvenience in life.
2. Identify your triggers and learn to manage them
Triggers are triggers that trigger certain behaviors. For example, you start to overeat when you are anxious. Or yell at children when they are tired.
Drink alcohol when you feel guilty. Etc. These are repetitive emotional states that force you to act in a familiar way.
Learn to recognize such moments, live them consciously, not to let such a trigger affect your mood and health. You are well aware that sweet food, for example, does not directly remove the source of anxiety, and alcohol is a source of guilt.Taking a conscious approach to your feelings in these situations is half the battle. Allow yourself to experience this emotion, not acting the way you are used to, but in some other way. First you have to force yourself, but every time it will be easier.
3. Empathize with yourself
If in childhood you did not have unconditional love and acceptance from your parents, then you are probably used to blaming yourself in any situation. Why do others have 5 for the test, and you have 4 - and so on all their lives.
Find what makes you happy in yourself. Then you will have a worthy counterargument for all internal accusations of imperfection. Even if you have not earned a million, your children are happy, your husband is happy, and your house is in perfect order and you feel healthy and happy.
4. Be the driver of your life
Get out of the habit of acting and, most importantly, feeling reactionary - take control of everything. Are your thoughts and feelings going in the wrong direction? We twist, twist and go on the right path.
Every time you feel that your psychological state is going the wrong way, mentally sit in the driver's seat and drive your vehicle in the right direction.5. Set goals
If you feel, for example, a problem with starting close relationships, trusting people - write down step by step how you can change this. At least the first few steps you can take towards the people who deserve it.
Afraid to defend your opinion? Create a rule or a phrase on duty that you will use to do this at least at the initial stage. And indicate what else you can do in the future in this direction. Let not all at once, but gradually.
You will also be interested to read:
- How to become kinder to yourself if self-criticism gets in the way
- How to talk to children about being overweight
- How to set personal boundaries in pairs
