He does not want to be friends with me: Svetlana Roiz about children's experiences about love and friendship

Few adults believe in the fact that a child may experience strong feelings and emotional experiences in childhood. Therefore, it refers to a child's love as something not worthy of attention, with irony and sarcasm. And many simply do not know how to deal with such displays of affection. The topic of children's friendship and love for children affected by family psychologist Svetlana Roiz on his page in Facebook.

"Yesterday before bedtime daughter spun long. Then he suddenly said, "and N does not want to be friends with me anymore. We were best friends, he loved me, but now he is with me no more friends. This, of course, his choice. But I am so sad. I tried to ask him what happened, and he runs away "
My heart cringed. Especially from that of the adult "is, of course, of his choice." So you want to protect children from pain, frustration, unhappy love, farewells. But it will not work and you can not defend.

We can give support. "Berlozhku Love", in which they will be able to survive the "winter" - the "other choice". We can give them the opportunity with us to show, live - Meet with your feelings.

Sometimes adults say - "What kind of love in the kindergarten and school, what friendship in the garden ?!" The same, sometimes more loyal and developed than those of adults. And it is important to treat it as seriously as their adult feelings. Because of this - "adult" feeling of then grow. I remember how hard my mother to survive disappointment in first love of his youth. But it is disappointing - perhaps then gives them the strength to love.
This complex experience that we go through in detstve- "me, are not all like. I, it turns out, not all interesting. And I can deal with that. And I will see some of its potential liability, and can not allow others to love me, without prejudice to my sense of values ​​"
And this entire experience we have before school. At school he had just secured.
Question - Will the child strength to withstand stress, coping with emotions. Do not reject and we its depreciation of his feelings.
rejecting pain is perceived by our brain as physical pain. Loneliness - it can be physically painful.
if we can be with the child next to so that our love he could dissolve the nursery - but not child's sadness.
The words "yes you will still be thousands of N" - does not work, the children have no sense of "will". "Yes you spit on them, you're the best" - does not work either. More precisely, it may work, but not lead to what we would like for your child. "Well, but you have me and my love" - ​​even dangerous.
I wanted so much in the morning, seeing how sad my daughter, to approach the boy and "all poreshat" (this adult arrogance and stupid feeling of omnipotence)
Of course, just hugged her daughter and said silently: you can do it.
P.S. Took away his daughter from kindergarten, the teacher said - she came to N, said she needed to talk. I asked what happened yesterday. And this adult 6-year-old man said - "I'm sorry, yesterday I did not understand what was happening to me. I was not myself... ".
Once again I thought that you need to grow to the level of the children. "

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