Unruly child: how to fix it

Only in books process parenting it looks like you said something to the child, but he obeyed and corrected himself. Children are often completely uncontrollable.

Moreover, this can happen abruptly: the child seemed to behave normally, but then he began to throw tantrums, act in spite and ignore any prohibitions.

Let's consider why this happens.

1. Parents are "not in the resource". When adults are physically and emotionally exhausted, they scream. But it doesn't work. Sometimes it can work momentarily, but the effect quickly fades away. The screaming is often followed by the stage of physical punishment, but such "education" cannot be applied to children or anyone.

You can understand the parents who scream. They lose their nerves from impotence, stress and fatigue. To fix the situation, you must first take care of your emotional state, and only then about the pampering of children.

An adult who is not under acute stress will not yell at a child. And your nervousness and irritability is quickly transmitted to the child, he copies your behavior, and this leads to conflicts in the family.

2. Parents are inconsistent. If something is forbidden to a child, but after some whining they are allowed, then the child quickly concludes that this is not so and it is impossible. After several such incidents, he will no longer take bans, restrictions, punishments, etc. seriously.

This also includes a different approach to upbringing by mom and dad or by parents and grandparents. All adults in the family who are involved in raising a child must act in a coordinated and consistent manner. If someone permits something bypassing the others, then the child again feels the unnecessaryness of these prohibitions.

3. Parents demand too much from the child. It is always worth remembering that a child is just a child and not a "project" that should correspond to your idea of ​​him. His desires and needs may not coincide with yours, sometimes he just wants to rest, be alone, or run and shout.

The child cannot physically fulfill some of the requirements of the parents - for example, if a very mobile and active child is required to sit quietly for a long time and not make a sound. There is already a question for the parents - why did they not find another way out of the situation, if they need to keep him busy.

And the more demands that directly contradict the character, temperament, interests and needs of the child, the more disobedience, protest, indignation.

4. Parents forbid too much. According to psychologists, the prohibitions should concern only the safety of the child and those around him, in part - the rules of decency. But banning for the sake of banning is definitely not worth it. This leads to riot and protest.

For example, have a child dress and dress the way he wants, even if it looks ridiculous. Let him go naked at home - he will eventually get bored. Let him try, under the supervision of adults, to do something new, climb, run, jump through puddles, roll in the snow, get dirty with ice cream - and learn from his mistakes.

5. Parents pay little attention. It's always easier to play a cartoon than to spend time with your child. But this ultimately turns into bad behavior, when the child is trying with all his might to attract attention to himself. And bad deeds, as you know, attract him easier.

What should parents do with an unruly child?

1. Stay calm. The more nervous and annoyed you are, the more this happens to the child. The calmer the conversation and the resolution of the conflict, the more chances that over time there will be less and less violent hysterics and protests.

And it is definitely not necessary for adults to behave like the same protesting children: throw things, call names, fight etc. No matter what happens, no matter how angry the child is - he needs your unconditional love and your acceptance.

2. Establish general rules and requirements. They should be known to children and observed by all adults who are involved in raising children. Everyone must clearly understand what the child can and cannot do.

3. Teach your child to control negative emotions. And learn with him yourself. It is normal to experience negative emotions, to act independently and not always obey your elders is also normal.

It is not normal to hit someone when you are angry, throw stones at people and animals, sprinkle with sand, insult with words, shout. Often enough physical activity helps children to throw out excessive aggression. If your "chronic fighter" is growing, it's time to send him to the martial arts section or to boxing.

4. Avoid overwork. A too tired child, like an adult, has poor control over negative emotions, and is rarely satisfied with something. Too many emotions, impressions, new people, activities of the same type, training sessions - all this overwhelms the child.

You will also be interested to read:

• How to teach a child not to interrupt adults
• 7 things teenagers should do on their own
• How to teach your child to lose with dignity