Modern parenting trends insist that motivation is the best leverage for development. But how can you use it effectively?
But parents do not always understand exactly how to motivate their children. It's not as easy as it might seem at first glance.
The main task of motivation is to find that "button" in the child, by pressing which you can activate him. And here are some tips to help you with that.
1. Praise and reward instead of criticism and punishment
Criticism simply kills the child's desire to do something. Remarks should be cautious and reassuring.By their very nature, children love to please their parents, therefore they perceive praise much better.
2. Describe the situation, don't blame
When a child has done something wrong, the parent is immediately impatient to blame him for it: "I have already said many times, eat at the table, and you got dirty and littered."
Try instead to describe the situation: "In our family, we all eat at the table, so as not to get dirty ourselves, furniture, floor, and other things." Then calmly ask your child to clean up after him or do it with him. And ask to eat at the table next time. When the child finally does so, be sure to praise.
3. Be silent instead of reading notation
Most likely, the child himself knows that he made a mistake, and does not need reproaches and moralizing. In some situations, the parent is better off moving away from the problem and letting the child solve it on their own.Note that silence does not mean ignoring the child, but non-interference in his problem, until he himself asks about it, for example.
4. Talk about your own feelings
If, for example, a child takes a long time to leave the house, you may feel nervous and angry that you are late, that he is "doing nonsense" and so on. But the child from this will not begin to gather faster - on the contrary, he will want to test the limits of your patience.
Tell him how you feel that you will be very sad and upset if you are late for work. After all, then you will not earn money to go to an amusement park with your child.
5. Let it go
Sometimes it is helpful to just let go of the situation by looking at it in a 5-10 year perspective. Will what your little one does now have a negative impact on his entire future? Or is it your heightened concern?
If the situation is not critical, does not create extremely negative consequences here and now, then allow the child to make mistakes that are normal for his age.
6. Use meaningful praiseThe easiest way is to praise a child with the words "well done" or "smart girl", but he will really receive parental attention if he hears: "You put away the toys so quickly, put them in their places, well done "," You ate neatly and did not get dirty at all, smart girl ", etc. So the child receives information about which behavior is correct and will be able to please you in the next time.
7. Praise efforts, not results.
To motivate your child to do something and learn something, you need to show him that you really see his efforts, regardless of the result.For example, the drawings of a 3-year-old are usually admired by either hypocritical or fan parents, because only very gifted children can draw at this age. And in order not to lie that your baby's picture is beautiful, praise his efforts. The fact that he is much better at getting some individual elements of the picture, how many colors he knows how to use, etc.
8. Focus on their actions, not yourself
If you praise a child, constantly using the wording "I liked how you did this", "I am glad that you did this "- then he may have a pattern that mom and dad are happy with him (read - love him), only with good behavior.
Of course, such formulations can be used, but it is better to alternate them with others. Shift the focus to the fact that the child did something - and that led to good consequences, not just your good verdict.
9. Say thank youOften, parents are so focused on demands, criticism, and praise that they forget to say an elementary "thank you" for the fact that the child did something good or fulfilled the request. Sometimes, in fact, there is no need for detailed praise, condemnation of every useful action, a simple "thank you" is enough.
10. Ask questions
Encourage the child to reflect on the good things that he did. To do this, ask a question, for example, "The room is so clean. Did you think to arrange the toys yourself? " Usually children like to boast of a job well done, because they themselves know that they did well.
11. Praise without wordsWhen there is a strong bond between parent and child, you can let your toddler know that you see and appreciate his good deeds without using verbal praise. For example, your nod of approval or a kiss on the top of your head is a sufficient signal of your attention and encouragement, which, nevertheless, should be alternated with expressing praise out loud.
You will also be interested to read:
- 5 tips for raising a happy child
- bad advice on how to raise a victim from a child
- how to cultivate a healthy lifestyle habit in a child