Have you heard, probably, from many women or even men that they do not want to get divorced because of children? Well, like love has passed, the relationship is already like that of a brother and sister, or, like neighbors who dislike each other, but it is the children who do not allow the decision to divorce. No, children do not forbid here, and for some reason the parents themselves decide that a divorce will cause great harm to their children. So they live, they practically hate each other, they cannot look at each other, and everything that binds them is common children, for the sake of which one cannot get divorced. But experts say that toxic relationships in the family are much worse and harms children more than the divorce of dad and mom.
Now there are a lot of single-parent families, and, I agree, divorce harms children. They do not understand why dads leave their families, why mothers suddenly decide that it is time to get divorced. The child equally loves both mom and dad, and, of course, such a separation of parents in different places of residence is very painful for them. But, if the parents are adequate, they continue to maintain a relationship even after the divorce, and the child is not deprived of the attention of one of them.
And there are families in which the relationship is already over, but they are afraid to harm their children by divorce, so they try maintain the illusion of a happy family, which emotionally drains all its members and creates toxic atmosphere. Did you know that children in such families simply suffer in silence, hoping and believing that everything will be fine? Even worse, they may feel guilty.
So scientists have identified some reasons that clearly indicate that such toxic relationships in the family do much more harm than the divorce of the parents. Here they are!
Constant pressure
Do not think that children do not understand or feel anything. They perfectly see the tension, the coldness that arises between the parents. If dad and mom are already in conflict, if dad is silent a lot, and mom cries, if dad is rude, and mom answers similarly, here at least build a happy family out of yourself, though not, all this is perfectly visible or sooner or later it will come out out. And children in such a family feel constant stress, instead of care and calmness. Many psychological problems in an adult come directly from childhood. And, just toxic relationships in families that have decided to keep the marriage and avoid divorce, can lead a child into depression, as well as lead to psychological and mental disorders.
Negative impact on the child's self-perception
It will not be possible to avoid conflicts in a family where people do not like each other. No matter how hard you try to hide and put smiles on your faces, sooner or later you will be blown away, so much so that you can very much "break" the child. All conflicts between parents are deposited in the head of children, and this lowers their self-esteem and self-confidence. The child will have a feeling of need for love, but he will reject any manifestation of it in his address.
Mood swings
If you notice that the child has sudden mood swings, you should know that this may not be another crisis of some years or a transitional age. It's all of you with your toxic atmosphere! This is a psychological disorder that, if left untreated, can lead to very undesirable consequences. In particular, this can include a sudden craving for illegal drugs and alcohol. Your child will try to simply drown out his condition with all this!
Well, in fact, there are many such cases. Dad and mom provide for the child in everything, do not get divorced, although they have long understood that they have stopped loving each other, but they tried to save the family, for the sake of their own little man. And the little man lived his whole life in a toxic atmosphere and one day he went to drink with friends. I'm not talking about something else. And the parents are so bewildered: how is it, because we stopped our whole life for him, pretended to be happy, played in love, and he ...
Fear of intimacy
Many children, having seen enough of such an unsuccessful relationship between dad and mom, with age, realize that they do not want to get close to anyone at all. They are afraid to repeat the fate of their parents, so they prefer to remain loners. No, there is nothing wrong with being alone, but only when a person really came to this over time, and never it is the result of psychological trauma.
And I also want to say something to women. If you realize that your marriage is bursting at the seams, you don't need to cling to the last straw and hide behind your children. Admit it to yourself, you are simply either afraid of divorce, because you do not know what awaits you next: loneliness, perhaps lack of money, maybe the lack of an opportunity to build new relationships; or you still love your husband and again hide behind your children. Don't forget that you are causing your child enormous psychological trauma!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/pochemu-toksichnye-otnosheniya-nanosyat-bolshe-vreda-rebenku-chem-razvod-roditelej.html
