In some situations, parents prefer not to tell the child the truth, and the kid becomes a hostage of lie, liar captive. Lie, it's easier! But is it always justified your lies?
When you teach childrenThat lying is not good, then you do at this point prevaricate. Indeed, quite often the kids to adults speak a lie or the truth about some unpleasant or sad events. To what extent is necessary to spare the psyche of the child, or better from an early age to teach him to look at the world without rose-colored glasses?
When a white lie
Most often, parents have resorted to lies, when you need to inform the child about the death of a loved one or pet. Adults think that this news will cause injury to the kid, so eager to protect him, explaining that the grandmother permanently moved to another city, and a dog, for example, went to the magical land.
- However, it is important to consider the fact that children due to lack of experience differently than adults, perceive negative information. In addition, they do not understand the parables, as a result can get a much more serious injury.
- Seeing depressed parents, their confusion when answering questions, baby bitterly concludes that the loved one or pet is left him and not even said goodbye before leaving.
- But even if the kid did not suspect anything and quietly "swallowed" to tell him the truth, such a response may also be a time bomb. He will see that adults approve of such behavior that allows the sudden cessation of relations without any explanation.
- Lying, as an analgesic, rapidly eliminate the actual problem, but then can cause many side effects.
Dangerous consequences if parents choose not to tell the child the truth / istockphoto.com
Emotions that will remain as a result of lies
- resentment against suddenly disappeared relatives
- perplexity
- wine
These feelings create a hostile view of the world and unjustly insulted the memory of the dead.
Farewell to a relative or favorite pet - an important point at the end of the relationship. The bitterness of the loss to better feel their affection and understanding causal link major life stages. Creating extra "taboo" associated with the theme of death, increases the level of anxiety and creates much more fear than her quiet discussions.
Often parents protect children from any negative publicity, because so did with them. Remember how it was, and think about it: Do you not want to have in your adult child behaved differently.
Easier to lie than to explain
When adults tell the kid that it brought the stork, they, of course, do not try to mislead him.
Tale of a courier delivering babies birds to avoid long explanations, most of which the child would not understand.
Contrary to popular belief that any complicated process can be described in simple terms, it is the case with the issue of having children or other "inconvenient" fact oversimplification leads to a distortion of fact.
Modern fashion on the cult of the "little person" excludes the use of expressions such as "nose has not grown" or "I grow up - you learn," although they are more honest and less humiliating the dignity of the child than the stories about the stork or cabbage. If you consider it necessary to maintain the cognitive activity of the child in all situations, it is necessary to adapt the truth to his age features.
Preschoolers need clarity to better understand the information, so you can take advantage of specially produced manuals on the exciting topic of the child. Even if he is not fully comprehend the content of what he saw, remain faithful a picture or a diagram in his memory that he can come back later.
Try to answer strictly to the above question is a child, and then, perhaps, you do not have to invent anything. For example, your dialog should look like: "Where did I come from?" - "From my mother's belly", "How I got there?" - "The doctor pulled out."
Dangerous consequences if parents choose not to tell the child the truth / istockphoto.com
What can replace the convenient lie and how to tell the truth
Just as in the conversation with the overly curious adult, you always have the opportunity to avoid answering, or to turn the conversation to another topic, instead of lying. Kids easily switch their attention from one object to another, - why not use it?
- Children often ask the question spontaneously and immediately lose interest in it, so you should not indulge in explanations, without making sure that the child really needs them.
- Answer a question with a question - a habit that is often annoying companions, but greatly facilitates the life of the man himself. Hearing an uncomfortable question, ask the child what he thinks about it.
- In most cases, you will simply accept his version to use any neutral comment, for example: "In general, you're right."
- There are situations when you need to act quickly, and parents simply do not have the possibility to carry out psychotherapeutic conversation with the child. For example, if the baby refuses to sleep without a lost favorite toys and tormented by midnight, much easier to buy the same, and say that she was found.
- But is it a substitute for the dead hamster-like relative of his, if we want to teach the child to take care of animals, to be responsible and to appreciate the affection? Negative feelings have excellent training effect, which need not be neglected.
Also you will be interested to read this: how to recognize a lie
