Praise - the direct instrument of influence on the child's self-esteem. We all want to raise your baby with adequate positive self-esteem, which in the future will be a solid foundation for a successful and happy person. Self-esteem - a complex mental element, depending on the atmosphere in the family, the child's degree of mutual understanding with parents and peers, psychological comfort and security.
Proper self-esteem - a person's ability to realize its real possibilities, abilities and talents, and its place among other people. Self-assessment is overstated, understated and appropriate.
When low self-esteem the child perceives the world as an enemy. He is anxious, worried, not sure of himself. All life is waiting for a dirty trick - that he cheated, underestimate, hurt. Such plants are forced to build a protection wall around itself. Through it extremely difficult to go and open a new - start doing new things, learn new information, make new friends. He underestimates own successes and exaggerating the successes of others. A child with low self-esteem is difficult to adapt to new conditions and there is a risk of forming a strong mental facilities "I am a bad," "I can not", "I will not work", "I'm a loser."
When inflated self-esteem aggressive child and believes that he is right only. Belittling other, puffing out their "I", not noticing own shortcomings and failures. I am confident that he is the best and strives to manipulation by other children. Looking down at all, interrupted in a conversation, it does not recognize the authority of adults and calls for a priority, expressing it in a harsh, rough, sometimes hysterical form.
A child with an adequate self-esteem able to accept themselves and others as they are. His behavior it creates an atmosphere integrity and responsibility, is capable of compassion and expression of love. On the one hand, he is able to make their own (by age) solutions, on the other hand, is able to ask for help if he needs it.
Praise - the perfect tool for the formation of self-esteem and correcting distortionsAs to the downside, and overstatement. The main thing - the right to use it. Why praise?
In the process of growing up for a child it is very important the feedback from parents, evaluation of actions, words, and events. Psychologists believe that praise is much more effective in the formation of good habits than censure in getting rid of the bad ones. For the child, parental praise shows that mom and dad are interested in his life, happy with it; it stimulates high-quality mental and physical development, and generates the correct moral system.
That is worth praising
• for all that has been achieved by his labor: Physical, mental, dushevnym- for good grades in school, for a beautiful figure and a gift made with their own hands to the birthday, for helping around the house, would bring to the end of the matter. Even if you are the result of a disappointment, but the kid worked hard and tried;
• striving for self-development and self-knowledge: Your kid is looking for themselves, their talents and abilities, and support him in any case, do not say that he did not become a world champion in boxing or a great inventor. Remember that children are very suggestible and your installation to fail during childhood may well become unsupportable anchor in his adult life;
• Praise advance, Giving a small advance before challenging or exciting affair inspires confidence with the words: "Everything happens", "You can do it," "Do not worry, you still know how to." Starting the morning with these words, you give your child a huge energy positive outlook on the long day.
To praise a better income and assimilated, it is desirable to take into account the child's personality type and praise him in a language that is understood by its individual psycho-informational model consisting 8 functions located in strict order and each performing its task. And one of them more than others associated with the self-esteem of the individual. This activation function and that it "listens" to the praise and need it.
Praise - the real source of energy for Child-extrovert. It should be a praise-medal pronounced verbally, tangible and beautiful. Then she perceived as a reinforcement, inspiring and gaining strength.
But child-introvert bright praise may seem exaggerated, it becomes uncomfortable. Introvert needs a finer and delicate praise with accurate and appropriate comments.
Praise should tone, encouraged to act and develop. With children of different psychological types it works differently.
If you have a family grows Don Quixote (Intuitively logical extrovert) or Zhukov (Sensory-logical extravert), their activation function - ethics of emotions. They need praise, love. Pawn proper praise - a pleasant emotional background. A child should always feel that he was glad, and his love. Friendly word and a very tactful, but energetic praise of "Wow!" "Well done" "You know perfectly handle it!", "I'm proud of you!" Are essential to such children. It is important to remember that the child perceives in praise first positive tone friendly and pleasant emotions, etc. - steadily and slowly, and only then - the words and their meaning. Find enough time to, slowly and with pleasure, praise your child and show him their love and pride.
If you have a family grows Jack London (Logical-intuitive extrovert) or Hamlet(Ethical-intuitive extravert), their activation function - will sensorics. They need praise-support. Praise must contain a slight but insistent demand not to give up and do not stop halfway. These children need a consistent "volitional inspirer", which is a little (key word - a little) presses in a difficult moment hang-ups, confusion and impotence and you will never go astray. It can be words such as "you are strong, and strong people do not throw started", "you have enough forces deal with it to the end "," you have a strong will, and you are its consistently you train, "" beris-ka for a business!". In this case, the tone and the words should not be harsh, rude, pushy. But firmness, calmness and consistency will be well understood and heard.
If your child Hugo (Ethical-sensory extrovert) or Stirlitz (Logical-sensory extravert), their activation function - intuition of possibilities. They need praise Perspective. "You are so unusually painted the house in the picture!" "You come up with an interesting game, never about such did not hear!" "Amazing work you do that!". Your advice on non-standard approaches to solving common problems fall on fertile ground. For example, come up with 5 unusual ways to travel round the world or make a fashionable bag out of old jeans. Notice the uniqueness of the child and praise for the unusual and unconventional - the best way to shape a self-esteem of children and encourage to self.
If your child Caesar (Sensory-ethical extrovert) or Huxley (Intuitive-ethical extrovert). Their activation function - business logic. "That's right" - the most useless discourages phrase for such children. They need to understand why and for what it is necessary and it will all end. Perhaps this is the only limit. All other options and forms of praise for the children of these psycho desirable and digestible. They love when they are praised, seek and crave praise, so parents need to be careful not to praise. These are the two types most inclined by nature to a high self-esteem.To this did not happen, and teach the child
• listen and hear others, to respect the opinions of others, work on the art of dialogue;
• respect the needs, feelings and other people's territory, as well as their own;
• calmly accept comments and criticism, without aggression and without hysteria.
To do this, explain to them the desirability of certain actions and praise for significant real progress, especially with regard to respect for others and work on their weaknesses.
If your child Maksim Gorky (Logic-sensory introvert) or Dreiser (Ethical-sensory introvert). Their activation function - intuition of time. For them, the "on time" - the magic word. "You coped with the task in a timely manner!", "You missed the wonderful time!", "You collected toys for my coming, and we will spend the evening in a beautiful crop room! "," You're the best you know how not to be late, so I'm sure that today you can do it in time, "" You're a good school year is over and we can go on summer vacation. " Praise should contain a nice element of the future, the occurrence of which depends on the child's actions. The time perspective - very attractive and at the same time, poorly perceived "shaky" area for these children. To form a stable relationship "right action - a bright future" is very important in children in these types.
If you have a family grows Robespierre (Logical-intuitive introvert) or Dostoevsky(Ethical-intuitive introvert). Their activation function - sensory feelings (comfort). Praise for them looks like gentle hugs, kisses, pats on the head, a delicious cake in honor of the end of the school year with honors or tea cozy on the good behavior. Kind words of praise necessarily Reinforce sensory signs. Sit with your child, introverted, holding his hand, praise for the order on the shelves with clothes and toys. "You have such a helper, let's prepare the pie in the afternoon and will meet with the Pope works a delicious dinner." Give advice maturing daughter in style and praise her choice of color or shape of a handbag. Pay attention to the skills of the child in matters of taking care of themselves, their appearance and their health, praise them for their achievements in this regard.
If your family child Balsato (intuitively logical introvert) or Gabin (Sensory-logical introvert). Their activation function - the ethics of relations. These children to frequent praise are suspicious, they are meticulously checked by others on the sincerity and kindness to them. If they praise - only for the cause. To the praise of "advance" and just like that they are treated with suspicion, although it is certainly pleasing to them. "You are perfectly cope with the task," "You have found the best way to solve", "Without your help, I do not manage, "" Better than you, no one can do it "- these words resonate in my soul Gabin or Balzac. And remember - never and no one praise more in their presence, and do not need to be an excessive amount of emotions, both positive and negative: it separates and closes these children.
If you grow Yesenin (Intuitive-ethical introvert) or Dumas(Sensory-ethical introvert). Their activation function - structural logic. The best praise for them - expressed in a clear, concise, concise form. No matter what your child praise the result of his actions, and not the process. "You are all laid out on shelves and in the end turned out a remarkable result!", "You are very consistent!", "You can to follow through," "Can you more than you think." The children of these types are often very self-critical by nature and prone to low self-esteem. Therefore praise and encouragement for them is very important. Yesenin Dumas and use additional techniques for forming self-esteem:
• consult with the child as an equal. Give him a chance to feel its significance and importance in your life. Even if it is not the best advice - follow him, you will get a wonderful educational effect;
• Ask the child care as an adult;
• Try to change places and give your child the opportunity to play the role of senior counsel, to take responsibility.
In order to understand at what level is the self-esteem of the child, play around with it a simple game-test that will give you the answer to this question. It's called "Magic Steps".
Take together and draw the paper sheet 10 thereon steps. Then cut them out and tell the child a story: in all the steps of the children are magic ladders. On the first - the poorest boys and girls (bullies, scratch-cat, greedy ...), the second - a little better, in the third - even better. And so on - up to 10 steps. On the 10th - are the most good-prehoroshie children (list the positive qualities exaggerated). It is important to make sure that the child understands the location, ask him to tell me where everyone stands. Then ask him, and he himself was standing on a step? And ask him to put a toy on the step. If he put himself on the steps of 1,2,3 - understated self-esteem; if 4,5,6,7 - adequate self-esteem, if 8,9,10 - self-assessment is too high.
Thus, you will understand which way to make adjustments. Watch your child, be closer to him, encourage and praise him. And remember, praise should be timely, clear and inoffensive.
