Stubbornness - most "popular" of all children's shortcomings. And we can say without exaggeration that this is the number one problem in the relations between parents and children. How often your child after the game, despite repeated reminders and requests, not in a hurry to collect toys? How much time do you spend to convince him to clean up after themselves? Today, we are talking about it.
At the age of two years or so such behavior - a common occurrence, and you should not scold the child and spank for inaccuracy. It should not be a special persistence peg accuracy in the head of the child at this age. This can eventually cause them a heightened sense of guilt at failure, the fear to do something wrong, self-doubt. The whole time. Indeed, in five - six years he no longer requires you to feed him with a spoon? Teach, of course, necessary, but without excessive demands on the situation, taking into account the real possibilities and the mood of the baby at this time. Something he can do for himself, something he should help remove together rather than stand over, and even shame and threaten. And over us look the part does not interfere: we remove all of a right, whether to perform their promises, what tone to talk to children?
In addition to parents demanding and impatient, have the power and that day can not live without orders and compulsions. The credo of the parents - children must unquestioningly obey their parents in everything. But one-sided, biased and unfair commanding tone conscious even kids - no wonder they are asked not to yell at them.
So from the point of view of the parent, the child refuses to clean up the toys. And in fact, he is not yet ready to do it all the time: still no sense of responsibility. And when shouts from the baby starts to cry, he may feel a sense of loss, experiencing a kind of misunderstanding: only to him allowed to arbitrarily throw toys and enjoy the game - and there is not enough that we should stop playing, but also clean up after a!
Do I need to be punished for carelessness? For that to punish - for the inexperienced? For failing to quickly "to rebuild"? For failing to clean up the toys alone when so want to do this with mom or dad? And is it will create a conflict situation, if the parents leave for the duration of your case and will be removed together with the baby toys?
Rather, the "bad" kid may be just because we are too early to force the adults to be! Under penalty of it, of course, you can listen. And others will be heard or not, or, more likely, will give false promises to behave as it should, to obey my father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, aunt, uncle or anyone else in the bargain. So too early and excessive demands necessarily lead to unreliability in relationships with others, a willingness on demand to promise anything - a kind self-defense. In short, rarely go to war with the children those parents who do not require impracticable!
A variant of stubbornness can be considered overbearing and when children get their way by any means. It is expressed in various ways: endless requests and crying, whining and soliciting, irritability and capriciousness. What is the origin of this behavior? First of all, in ourselves, in our behavior. We are happy to read books and articles about the development of the child to two years in a sense of "I", and strong-willed independence began.
But as soon as we only find ourselves in the role of parents as our ambitions are beginning to exceed common sense. How is it - to give up this child to go at it on occasion? What will be next? "On the neck will soon sit down" - add fuel to the fire restless friends and acquaintances. It is too late, he should show firmness of character. Assertive children usually come from the same parents, who are often without realizing it report, demanding and impatient, they react violently if their demands are not fulfilled immediately, reading endlessly morals or punished. These parents tend to plan each step of the child. Energetic by nature, capable, with a strong sense of self-esteem children can not long withstand such blocking their opportunities. Their "pristavuchest" and an attempt to gain recognition of their rights.
If you learn how to react to the needs and the needs of the child and will not shy away from him as from a nuisance, then gradually overbearing (not once!) Disappear.
We try to understand at last: the child is stubborn, precisely because he is a child. For it is unnatural to be so adult, what it wants to see the adults! He imitates them, happily masters new skills. But he wants to be himself, to grow as it is, and not be some clockwork mechanism, programmed to ensure that the time to say "hello", "goodbye", "thank you" and "you are welcome". Unnatural for a child, motionless, sitting at the table and, with bated breath, listen to what parents say. Unnatural when demanded of him: you do not have to jump, run, make noise, talk when you do not ask!
In such an environment it is already two years neurosis may occur in the child. Because it is not taken into account peculiarities of his temperament, the formation of the "I", his emotionalism and sensitivity. In regards to it lacked tenderness and affection, but lacked the formalism and schematics. The child, in response to such a misunderstanding on the part of parents, begins just do not "hear" parental comments demands and threats, long delves when dressing and undressing, eating, than even more exasperated the impatient and nervous parents.
This behavior - a symptom, a sign of trouble, a signal that we, adults, overdone. But, unfortunately, not all parents can understand this and continue to increase and to increase the volume requirements. Then trigger the natural mechanisms of protection. They, fortunately, there are in our psyche, just missing them, alas, not for long.
If the child continues to live in such conditions, the behavior begins to resemble it stubbornness. It manifests itself in the increased excitability, irritability over trifles, inadequately strong reaction of resentment, tears, discontent and protest for any reason and without it.
Here it is necessary not to moralize, and certainly not to punish children - is often only exacerbates the painful disorder. Adults need to once again rethink their tactics training, not to fall into the ambitions and to think and find the strength to admit their own mistakes.
Otherwise, the child begins to perceive all the contrary, to say "no" instead of "yes", to sit down, if you need to get up, throws, and does not raise the toy becomes moody to the limit, not all of it, from all or just refuses It requires. Parents, of course, unable to endure this behavior and lead him to the clinic. The doctor prescribes a child something soothing.
And prescribe some medicine it is necessary first of all not the children and parents! Only here there is no cure for inflexibility and excessive "in principle". And there is nothing to hope for drugs - just need to reduce the number of prohibitions and requirements, often to be with their children - more play, laugh and be happy with them. Or maybe just yourself to drink something soothing?
Special attention should be nervous and weakened children, with high sensitivity and vulnerability, as well as the left-hander. In the latter case, give toys, spoon better alternately in both hands. If the kid "stubbornly" prefers to take everything with his left hand, do not let him. For stubborn desire to make a left-handed right-handed retribution will be stubborn, and in the future - often stutter.
