He was such an angelic child, and now has become unbearable... And we're all for it, all of it... Why is a good children grow complex teenagers? Let's deal ...
Many parents whose children become teenagers, life changed abruptly. Even yesterday, a gentle, calm and docile baby becomes unbearable, talk does not want always sticks in the gadget, the questions is rude, aggressive. Simply there is no council, the impression that the son (daughter) have changed ...
And you're right. Child, indeed, changed. Not literally, of course. Just from the little man, he became great. Learned a lot, much to rethink many things from my childhood holds grudges, which are manifested in behavior difficulties. Your child does not become so difficult in one day. So it made you, the parents, the family. Wait indignant, before the manifestation of righteous indignation, let's consider a few illustrative life situations in which perhaps you see yourself and be able to answer the question themselves why your teenager is behaving with you now is So.
A parent whose child is still a toddler, not in a hurry to leave the page! This article will be very useful to you. You will learn how not to do, if you want your angelic baby does not become a difficult teenager.
A small child - the same people, respect human child
I recently witnessed such a picture.
Mom came out of the mall and the daughter of six years old, and went to his car in the parking lot. The girl cried softly, her face in her hands, while her mom shpynyat - the hands, the shoulders, the back. Girl, crying, eyes closed, without resistance and without uttering a word, and then stumbled after kicking mom, trying to move forward. Mom at the same time constantly angrily hissed, so that it had heard other people: Look at yourself, who do you like, burst into tears, Fu - ugly... Look what you're ugly when you cry.. people look calm, but a shame... "
Whenever I get a witness to such situations, it makes me uncomfortable. It is a shame in such a situation should be not just a girl, and my mother for my behavior. Whatever the situation is, and no matter what mistake did not commit a child to punish, do not forget that he is a man. Small, but a man. Penalties for offenses in the child's life should be mandatory, otherwise we risk to grow up spoiled and capricious, selfish person. But punishment punishment strife - choose the civilized ways of education.
I do not know what happened and caused the tears of the girl, but that is not important now. In this situation, revealing the behavior of mothers. The child something happened that brought her to tears, while she rolled her tantrums, no shouting and generally does not resisted mother who already grim picture of aggravated regular kicks and vicious lamentations addressed child. From the outside it looked sad. Instead calm down as my mother called, the girl was taken to cry even harder. Do you think you can calm down when constant hiss and push you... I wanted to hug the girl and just to reassure, and mother to take to a therapist ...
And such situations, violence parental weight, examples endless. Yes, this is violence. If not physical, but psychological - but it is no easier. Very often we have to monitor the situation, when parents try to shame the child stronger for all, for all to see, hear, when already pouring bitter tears - is stressful for the psyche baby! This public humiliation, which does not pass without a trace just like dried tears toddler. Also parental phrase beat sometimes painful belt and make the relationship toxic.
One can imagine an adult, which is for a misdemeanor on the job, for example, when the head of all humiliates, abuses, and even pushes out of the office kicks... the picture is still, right? Horrible dream. And it is unlikely to would-be mother wanted to be in this situation. So why do we, the parents, allow so disrespectful to treat their children. And why in the future to claim that the child does not belong to us respectfully. And that in fact it should? Did you teach him that? Have you treated respectfully to his senses?
Nurturing, punishing, show tact and respect in the human child. Explain, tell, communicate - is necessary. In the complex critical situation, even if it seems trivial to you, believe me, for a child, it may seem a tragedy - hug, caress, try to find out how you can help. And do not try to finish psychologically - how did this unfortunate mother of my stories, as do many parents. Then as an adult child will be humane with you.
Physical punishment - no method of education is the way to problems and diseases
Physical punishment - is a different story, talking about it can be long and hard. For example, I categorically against physical punishment, believing that other than anger at the man who beats and the whole world, they are no good do not lead. Physical punishment is not forgiven. They left a scar on the soul of the child and lead to serious problems, both psychological and overall health.
What causes physical punishment in childhood:
- the development of bad habits as a child: it can be expressed in harmless picking your nose or gnawing nails and become the reason why the child can punish yourself - beat, bite, pull hair and so on, as well as theft
- the development of mass complexes and psychological disorders (lack of confidence, inability to implement, passivity, depression and so on. d.), with which an adult independently handle extremely difficult without the help of professionals, almost impossible
- the development of many chronic diseases because of the neuroses - psychosomatic disease very complex thing that can not be cured by conventional drugs
- aggression towards people, animals. Statistics show that maniacs, murderers and rapists grow from children who are physically punished and bullied as a child that parents
- aggression and hatred towards parents, which soon becomes a stronger and spoil life for many
- aggression toward the spouse (wife) and their children, as the transfer of relationship models from your own childhood
If a child is often physically punished as a child, they had little contact in the first place it is a complex nedolyublennosti with whom the child will have to live the rest of adult life. Feeling useless and unloved by parents in childhood behavior during adolescence is quite predictable: aggression, addiction bad habits (alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and so on. d.), due to bad companies, early sexual activity, running away from home, and so on. d.
Domestic violence - a topic for another article. In this, I just want to urge parents not to resort to physical punishment sometimes even by other more humane methods of education. Do not cry and do not criticize the child forever, if you will not receive a portion of criticism and rudeness, when a child of the baby becomes a teenager.
Expensive gifts and always busy no substitute for daily live communication
Once upon a time, when I was working in the office, watching this situation. One of the leaders of the top echelon is extremely a lot of work. She waited a long time to improve the work, finally got it, and leaving little daughter with her nanny, literally lived in the workplace. In the morning I went to work when her little daughter was still asleep, returning late in the evening, when the baby was asleep. The phone, even when the baby was sick, to make recommendations to the grandmother (the nurse, her husband) on the phone during the day and talked with her nanny (husband, grandmother). And work, work, work... To pay for babysitting services, a good rest for the child, then - a prestigious school for grown up daughters, expensive gifts for the baby. The child had everything - a comfortable home in the city center, villa outside the city, trips to luxury resorts, expensive toys, a lot of fashion... Everything you can dream of as a child... All except the mother, who was always at work.
Remember, the work will always be a childhood passes very quickly... All not make any money. And the love, warmth and care that a child needs daily, hourly - is no substitute for expensive gifts. Unfortunately, many parents realize it is very late, when children grow up, and nothing can be changed...
Lack of communication in childhood is manifested in the fact that the child gets used, that parents never home, he seeks to communicate and resolve their pressing issues on the side. He just does not know and does not know how it is - to spend time with Mom and Dad. As a child, so close is very lacking with their parents, the child is bored, experiencing just at the physical layer needs to be my mother and Dad, so, by the way, the kids often get sick, knowing that fell ill, my mother did not go to work and stay with him, hug, caress, will beside…
Growing up "orphaned" children in their teens no longer need to communicate with them, on the contrary, all attempts to establish contact parents will be doomed to failure. Time and opportunity is lost forever. This teen is more likely to require expensive gifts, large amounts of cash, to show all kinds of whims and make a scene on any occasion, knowing that parents feel guilty and do everything that he wants.
Creating a family and giving birth to children, it is important to place in time the right priorities and understand that the most important thing in life - family, husband, children, relationships. Work and money - are secondary. Child care how much are his toys. Today played - quit tomorrow. However, communication with parents, nice little things that make up our life - a walk in the autumn park, just hugs, talk heart to heart, home game bingo and dominoes, reading books at night - it is the whole life lay in the child a strong foundation of right relations and will grow up happy man. And is not that parents want?
Why raise children differently leads to unexpected consequences
My friend had a very difficult childhood. The parents were strict, each step was controlled, although the family was prosperous, hard-working, but within the family relationship was complex and between parents and between parents and children. After giving birth to her own daughter, my friend decided to go on the reverse, and the methods chosen for their child's education completely opposite to the way it was raised as a child. She decided that the best way to raise a child differently. Of course, I put all the warmth, love and care that only she could compromise its interests and hobbies, has always been sensitive and afraid of any punishment, she was afraid to give us something to hurt the fragile psyche child.
But when the girl grew up, my mother turned to me for help: a daughter if substituted, rude, making comments on any occasion, and ignores any set at naught parents, selfish and does, and just as you want it and in general often behaves so that you can not tell who is my mother and who daughter... My friend was genuinely surprised and shocked - why so well, because it is so wanted them to be friends... Well, that's what happened, nothing to be surprised, the girl does not behave like a child with his mother, but as a friend of a friend, not realizing the difference in concepts and relations. There was a substitution of concepts.
Nothing wrong with being friends, no children, on the contrary, it's great when the parents - the best friend to the child. When on various issues the child may come to the family, to consult with mom and dad, to share joys and sorrows. But.
Children need to understand who the parents. Children, especially today, there are not similar to us in childhood, should be taught respect for you - parents, grandparents, and even adults. Need to learn to respect your interests, your personal time and space, you are as a person. Friendship friendship, but the notion of subordination in the relations of the children's parents must be educated from childhood, imparting family values and making it clear that you are standing on different levels and fulfill the different roles you - parents, he - child. Offering another child model, is very easy to spoil the child and give him the wrong life guidance, and then wonder why he does not respect you, and in what does not put.
Patience, wisdom and love you!
You will be interested to know, Why can not worry about the children and how to get rid of fear for the child
