Have you asked yourself why scolds his son or daughter? Most likely, you say: I swear, to help the child to correct the mistakes and get better. BUT... for sure, you are disingenuous, because 50% of the observations of the desire to let off steam in the minor troublemaker. This "side effect" is dangerous: it often negates the good intention of the pope whether mom and great "hits" on the self-esteem offspring.
What to do? Do not make comments offspring? No, not do without it, however, blame can and should correct - without humiliating the child.
Whether to believe my mother?
Kid under 7 years old are very dependent on the capabilities and vigor of his body, which normally strikes at key child. In other words, the child-doshkolenok simply can not be a good boy, and he will be wrong at every turn. And this is also the norm, because when they do not right now a child to learn and do in the course of legitimate blots. Here comes the fun part: dependent on the physiology of the baby is also highly dependent on the opinions of adults, and especially - from mom opinions.
And what happens?
And it turns out that mobile and inquisitive by nature a child constantly precipitates mother reproaches, which, in essence, is to help the child to grow up properly. And who is an adult? It is calm and confident person. Such can not shoot from the hip, he is successful in his career, in friendship, in love. Calm and confident adult grows from a calm and confident child. And such a child - a product of education of parents. As often as we look educative "cooking"?
What mom said to believe?
A child from birth do not know anything about myself. He just believed everything my mother said about him. Newborn baby first receives information about themselves from their parents, "Your name is Sasha. You're a boy / girl. " And the child takes for granted all that they say to him home. And I praise him for what he grows, already knows how to sit, crawl, walk, etc. Mom says, "Sasha - big, it's clever," and crumb again did not contest the truth of her mother's.
And suddenly my mother and then explodes reproaches in the style of "What are you doing ?!" "What are you, stupid?". And how my mother's words the child to believe? The fact that my mother often repeats!
"Fence" of the accusations
In order to understand the child, try to capture those moments when you scolded the child for a week or even a day. For example, for what he soiled porridge, poured water, broken toys or did not give it to play its "colleagues" in the sandbox, shouting loudly, and you They called him greedy, messy, unruly, Digger etc. You can just put a stick on a piece of paper or in the application of its smartphone. What you will see at the end of the day / week? Fairly long fence of your reproaches ...
Now think, do you remember what scolded child? Most likely, in 90% of cases do not remember or think that all these "sins" of the baby - a trifle. And at least for one of the unfair comments you apologized? Now imagine that for every small infraction you will cry Head ...
The deficit of parental care
Yes, the child in the XXI century in the conditions of growing deficit of parental attention. From morning till night the child in kindergarten or school, prodlenki. In the evening, the baby of the TV or with a tablet in hands, or playing in her room. And my mother? Mom, while the child is engaged in itself, reading news feeds in social networks, watching the show and prepares dinner. How many minutes in the evening will give mom a child, quietly sitting in the nursery? Almost any ...
Status for attention
BUT! Worth daze break a toy, something to break or draw on the wallpaper "scribbles" Mom immediately absent himself and cuisine and "pay attention - will slap in the face to tell who the child really is and" in one go ". What happens? If you are calm and confident - you play with toys and do not be distracted mother - you do not get any attention it drops. Is it worth nashalit - and here mom "all yours". Though she calls you "idiot".
Words like nails ...
And every "characteristic" first hurt hurts baby biting, barbed tone mom, and then - and the sense that it puts into an insult child. These words, as "nails" that drives a mother to "mental Gate" crumbs. And even if you get these "nails" with the apology, the track will remain.
Later, the baby becomes accustomed to humiliation and to his "status", and it is a sign that the child's self-esteem was seriously damaged. With this assessment is difficult to be a leader, want to learn more, to see, to show their talents. What for? All the same for my mother and I'm incompetent idiot ...
Give a chance for self-esteem
Lecturing and directing the child should be - there's no go. Only this should be done correctly. Alas, we have that no one teaches, and the part we are adopting a style of their parents. Let's we practice to be wise troubleshooter by following these 3 key rules.
1. Criticize no children, and their behavior or specific behavior. Meanwhile, "You slut" or "You're an idiot" and "You are deeply stained, and we go to visit. I am very upset and angry "- a huge distance size of a child's whole self-esteem.
2. Child explains why he is wrong or where he committed a bad act: "Do not throw sand in the face. Sand gets into the eyes, and the baby will be very painful, it can get sick and not be able to play "or" You broke the book, and now I can not read it to you. "
3. Teach your child not to dwell on the mistake, correct it immediately and find a way out. For example: "Let's help the kid to brush the sand that you threw at him, and you ask for forgiveness, and will continue to play," "Come to undergo treatment - glued book and will read it, as before." Give a chance to the fragile self-esteem of the child to become a strong and unwavering.
These tips are quite simple, but the effect of them - enormous. Worth a try, and you will see how to change your relationship with crumbs, and you will become calmer, more confident and wiser.
