Raising a child - a very complex process that requires not only a lot of parental powers, but also knowledge. Often the usual parental phrase fraught with great danger and can destroy a child's life.
It is always easy to look from the outside and is very difficult to raise their own child, because it is so important not to go that fine line between permissiveness and rigid framework. Sometimes the phrase, seem to us, at first glance, positive, can do more harm than good. Let's face it, what phrases parents need to be extremely careful?
"You're doing fine"
Estimated phrase in education / istockphoto.com
It seems to be, at first glance, nothing wrong with this phrase is not very many parents use it to praise the child. But such short phrases, this signaling system, the simplest estimate when a parent wants to end the conversation as quickly as possible, and switch to something more important. Remember, when you meet as your child than you were busy and your mind?
This signal is praise depreciation, due to the minimal involvement and parent involvement in dialogue. It's the same thing as saying, "You - you idiot", but it works the other way.
And often parents say so not because they are bad, but because the deeper involvement of the conversation will require more time and reflection, as they are not always ready for them. The parent does so, as easy, that's like and attention paid, and praised, everything is fine. But children feel when you say it, just to get rid of them, and very soon simply will not come you boast of another assessment or crafts, and then completely closed to you and will no longer be trusted. The consequences of such estimates global assessments, so try to talk more with their children, do not dismiss from them, understand their emotions and feelings, it's your time will cost you stored in the nerves future.
"But Mary ..."
Often parents, wanting to achieve something from the child, put somebody up as an example and say, "But Masha English 12, an excellent student, engaged in ballroom dancing and Physics Olympiad won. And you - an ignoramus. " The desire of parents, in principle, it is clear, set the motivation, but such phrases in the child have an entirely different effect - its depreciation. At that point, the child understands that it is not important, as a person, ka man, it is only important as it exists in the system of coordinates of the parents: good behavior, excellent grades, help around the house, etc.
The child - a personality to be reckoned with and respect its interests, he owed nothing to anybody, nor parents or Masha, that parents always put as an example and insist that you should be the same, or even IT'S BETTER. The child must live in pleasure, not in someone invented and imposed under the judgment, which devalues it in his own eyes.
"You're a girl"
Hazardous phrases parents / istockphoto.com
Giving performance and speak based on the level of the floor at all out of place, it entails restrictions and complexes, which then mature girl is very difficult to fight. Often these phrases manipulate the older generation - grandmother, in their understanding, a girl and a woman does not mean that in a modern society. The girl should be beautiful, coiffed and behave "like a girl" and nothing else. Such plants are deprived of the right to own manifestation, make as adults to constantly monitor themselves, asking the question "Do I conduct myself as a girl?". For all that, all that "not like a girl" - it is beyond good and bad automatically.
Do not hang on the labels of children, give them the opportunity to be free and do not tie the gender distinction in the modern world is already so do not care who you are, boy or girl, the rights of all are equal.
"I'm proud of you"
Pride - are certain sensations in the body purely at the physiological level, the feeling of joy that overwhelms us from within. We are proud of our children because they are part of us and that's fine, but it is important to understand that this phrase trap It can work in the other direction, because they are two sides of the same coin: the mother can be proud of either, or upset. And then it comes to the fore a kind of manipulation, and the child in childhood is very easy to manipulate, as the approval of parents for it has tremendous strength, children physically feel better by praise and striving its receive.
Use this phrase can be initially explained to the child that it means that you are filled with joy and warmth spreads through the body that you want to smile and hug.
"Boys Do not Cry"
Do boys have to cry / istockphoto.com
Surely you've heard that phrase, or even spoke to his sons, putting in them the promise that they are men, so all they need, and what is not known in advance. That we put the little boy in the head that he had to be rude and aggressive, has no right to feelings and emotions, because "you're not a girl" and "Boys Do not Cry." The child understands that message very quickly, because as a child stronger parental authority is nothing, so whatever they say Mom and Dad a priori can not be wrong.
It is the parents put the little boy in the head that he had to be rude and aggressive, has no right to feelings and emotions, because "you're not a girl" and "Boys Do not Cry."
Is even worse, a parent might say, "not a man thing - cry," and there is already split by gender and belittling of the other sex, the promise, that a man should dominate.
The next time you think ten times, when you come to tell his son something like that, think about whether you want from it grew a vicious adults who can not express their feelings neurotic. Such phrases you deprive a child the right to be themselves, make their own decisions.
Also you will be interested to know, what types of training can injure the child lives
