You have always been very liked by men. You are good outwardly, kind in heart, pure in soul. People around you admire you, because you are such a good fellow. And everyone, without exception, was sure that one day you would meet an equally good man with whom you would live happily ever after. But everything happened quite the opposite. You met your prince, and then rose-colored glasses, butterflies in your stomach, dreams, feelings. And suddenly, at some time, you began to realize that you were stuck in a real toxic relationship, and the man next to you was an abuser. Why is this happening?
This is biology
At first everything is fine, then there are unbearable periods, and then everything is fine again. And the fact is that all such good moments in a toxic relationship are felt and experienced much brighter than something bad. Any scandals and quarrels cause an increase in adrenaline, as a result, the hormone of happiness, dopamine, begins to be released. Good moments with a toxic person are extremely rare, but hormones simply do not allow you to leave.
Society pressures you
For example, you didn’t build relationships for a long time, and everyone around you began to put pressure: well, why is such a beautiful woman and alone? And then you got into the network of an abuser, and again, public pressure did not allow you to take and disperse with him. What will your mother's friend think? Classmates laugh. Not appreciated at work. And you have to turn a blind eye to all problems, you have to endure, humble yourself, be silent.
You don't know who an abuser is and what he looks like
Yes, you sometimes quarrel with your partner, but then make up, he always sincerely apologizes to you, says that this will not happen again. And you believe, you even began to believe that you are too sensitive and needlessly react so painfully to everything, that you have real feelings, and everyone has problems. You've just never been in an abusive relationship before, you don't know what an abuser looks like.
You just fell into his web
Well, how can you not fall in love with a charismatic, handsome, charming and attentive man. Maybe he gave you his attention, compliments, gifts, and you fell into his network. And perhaps now you even understand the whole situation that has developed with you, but you still can’t take it and break it off.
You grew up in an abusive family
Your father or mother was violent towards the rest of the family, you have an injury, severe low self-esteem, and now you are trying to close everything that happened to you in other toxic relationships childhood.
Are you trying to save him
It seems to you that he can be good, he just needs help, you need to believe him, support him, and in fact he is very vulnerable, and a very good person. And the truth is that until he wants to change himself, you will not be able to change him and help him. You are not a doctor, and he is not your patient!
Do you consider yourself a problem?
Everything bad that happens in your relationship, you shift on yourself, blame yourself. You think that it was you who somehow behaved in a wrong way, said something like that, that your partner began to treat you so badly. But you need to remember that it does not matter at all how you behave, this does not give him any right to mistreat you. Understand that the problem is only in him, and you are not to blame for anything.
Are you afraid to be alone
You are one of those women who believe that even if there is at least some man nearby, the main thing is not to be left alone. You are afraid to end the relationship, and you continue to endure bad treatment.
Do you believe in the bad boy myth?
We are taught from a young age that women are always attracted to the bad guys. But it may be drawn to such silly girls. An adult woman does not need such people, she needs worthy, responsible and caring people. And that's why they break up with bad guys, because few people can stand their behavior.
Think about it, maybe your relationship is just like that, and you should stop everything? After all, you are wasting your strength, nerves, time, you are wasting your femininity on the wrong thing!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/9-prichin-pochemu-horoshie-zhenshhiny-chasto-okazyvajutsya-v-toksichnyh-otnosheniyah.html
