Every parent dreams of a child being obedient, calm, and happy with success. After all, you will agree that there are no problems with this at all? He always obeys the elders, always brings only fives, always manageable and there are no problems from him at all. He sits in his corner, plays something or reads books, does not pester with questions, does not ask stupid questions and always does what he is told.
But there are no such children, no matter how parents would like it. Children are noise, uproar, a hurricane, and attempts to besiege and calm them often lead to negative consequences. Have you thought about how a child feels, who has to behave quietly and peacefully, so as not to interfere with his parents? It seems to him that he is always to blame for everything, even if he did nothing! He has to put up with it, as with some kind of norm. Strict parents who do not care about their children, who constantly have no time to play with them, communicate, spend time, themselves, with their own hands, greatly ruin their future.
If a child, wanting to communicate with parents or play a noisy game, constantly encounters reproaches, some kind of punishment or indifference, he becomes closed in himself, distrustful and lonely. Yes, he turns into a loner, from childhood learning to boil in his bowler on his own, he does not want to disturb others, impose himself, become a hindrance. And it all comes from the parents.
Here are the phrases of parents that turn a child into a loner
"I'm busy/busy"
Yes, we, adults, have so many problems and cases that it is sometimes very difficult to manage everything. And then we need to rest. And all this time we push our own children away from us, and we do it in a categorical and rude form. We literally shut up and ignore the kids who just want to tell us something, share something intimate or show their next drawing. It is imperative to find time for a child, and talking about your employment is not monosyllabic, but with an explanation of why you have no time now.
"Chat with your friends!"
If the child wants to communicate with you, then do not send him to someone else. It is clear that he has friends, both at school, and on the street, and in all kinds of sections, but if he came to you, it means that he wants to talk with you. This should be appreciated, and not pushed away from the child. Over time, he will stop pestering you, and this will suit you, but suddenly you will realize that you do not have enough communication with him, and it will be too late. A child who is used to being pushed away and ignored will become withdrawn, he will not need communication.
"No one will be friends with you!"
We all make mistakes, and kids even more so. But to constantly poke their nose into this, remembering for years that they stumbled, in no case is it possible. Despite the mistakes they made, despite their behavior, appearance, etc. they are worthy of friendship, like any other person!
"Stop embarrassing me!"
A very bad phrase, especially if it is pronounced in front of strangers. If your child has done something out of the ordinary, there is no need for public scandals and humiliation. If you so desire, then reprimand him at home, but first think about it, is it so scary that you need to use rude words and punishment?
"You can't do anything without me!"
Yes, a child, of course, cannot do everything that you can do. It’s hard to argue with this, but why say such a phrase to him, do you want to assert yourself or something? There is no need to condemn the child if something does not work out for him, put pressure on him and suggest that without your care he will generally be a nonentity. Give him the opportunity to do what he does not know how, let him make mistakes, let him learn.
Now it is so customary to blame parents for childhood traumas, and people began to add everything to this topic. And their parents did not provide them as they should, and did not allow something, and once answered rudely. But parents are also living people, and the only thing they can give us is their love and care. These phrases, like many others, greatly spoil our children. Yes, we can refuse to buy some toys for them, we can not let them go to a disco, we can burden them with some household chores, but we have no right to humiliate and reject them!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/frazy-roditelej-kotorye-delajut-rebenka-odinochkoj.html
