As is often the case, we do not live with those we love. Why? Because we can be so comfortable, because it's scary to be alone, because we're afraid of being judged. You have to bend, adjust, strain. In the end, they take us for granted, they are not afraid to lose, because we cling to what we have, with our hands, teeth, with everything we can. But why? After all, the choice of a partner is the choice of our life. We ourselves choose such a life - in love or in tension.
We sometimes do not know ourselves, and we are not sure of ourselves, our self-esteem is drawn on the basis of someone else's opinion. If someone doesn't like us, then self-esteem drops. If someone is not satisfied with us, self-esteem falls again.
And that happens in relationships. How should it be? So that with a person it is easy, calm, confident, without straining. But, if we cling to him, if we are afraid of something, he can use it, hurt us, lower our self-esteem.
And sometimes it happens that a person had an unsuccessful relationship, and he is already afraid to build something with someone, puts an end to himself, because self-esteem has fallen. But due to the pressure of society, relatives, acquaintances, one has to cling to what is, what is offered, and not what one wants. As a result, an unhappy life, which is chosen by one's own hands and one's own head.
This is not how it should be! It should be easy with a person. If you suddenly realize that it doesn’t stick, it doesn’t go, it’s uncomfortable, strange, inconvenient, you shouldn’t torment yourself and do what others want. Understand that choosing a partner is the choice of your life! Only yours and no one else's.
If a person does not try to understand and accept you as the person you are, if he wants to change you, wants you to improve, then this is a sign that this person is not yours. No matter how much you want, you will not be able to build a good relationship with him. All your life you will grumble, please, assent, you will definitely not be happy from this.
So you should not try to change a person. It is impossible, it will be difficult for him if he himself does not want any transformations. In general, this is such a common problem when partners are dissatisfied with each other, they are trying to correct, correct, transform something, simply following their own whims. The stronger your expectations are that your partner will change, the more likely it is that nothing good will come of your relationship.
Choosing a partner is not like buying bread in a store. I'll take this black one, it's probably tastier. But even in this case, later it may turn out that the bread is tasteless, did not live up to expectations, but you can’t change it in any way, and you just have to throw it away!
Don't rush into choosing a partner. A person does not have to meet your expectations, requirements. He had his own life before you, with his own habits, his own interests, and the people who filled his life. Everything about him was the same as yours. You don't have to change for someone, and that someone doesn't have to change for you. You can only do this if you wish.
There is no need to meet someone's expectations, including succumbing to the pressure of society, and because of this, enter into at least some, albeit poor, relationships. Because it's only your life. Do not let yourself bend, destroy, force. You have the right to do as you like, and to see next to the one you want, and not the one with whom you had to be together!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/vybor-partnera-vybor-vashej-zhizni.html
