Education is not giving orders. You are teaching a child about life in this world, but you yourself must acquire some skills.
And to get closer to answering the question, check if you have the following useful parenting skills.
1. Tap into the wise inner self
This is not easy if an emotional situation has arisen in which you want to react with a cry or similar actions.
But the best remedy at such a moment is to abstract and ask yourself: what is the right thing to do, wisely, taking into account the perspective and impact of one episode on your whole life and your relationship with your child?
And that is exactly what needs to be done. Hug, even if the child has lost his temper, smile when you want to scream, remain silent when the most wrong words come into your head, insist on your own, show consistency, etc.
2. Think long term
Every decision we make, small or large, has consequences. And it is important to think not only about the short-term consequences, but also those that will come after some time and will be more significant.
You soothe a child with chocolate now - and it works. Then again and again. Then the child begins to demand a chocolate bar for any reason. Then he has problems with his teeth, the wrong relationship with food, a replacement for pleasant emotions. harmful goodies, excess weight, trips to a psychologist to learn how to get joy without chocolate and etc.
Today you screamed or even spanked the baby - and it seemed to feel better for a while. But the problem is not solved. You are morally exhausted and break down on the child, and he is afraid of the closest person in the world - the parent.This threatens both psychological and physiological problems in the not too distant future. And for sure, with this approach, your relationship will not get better over time.
Another example: you work very hard so that the children not only have everything they need, but also more than that. At the same time, they do not receive the most important thing - parental attention, emotions, love. And in the long run, it is this that will play a key role in their life, and not the private school that you are so eager to earn money for.
Think about what you can change in each of your days now so that your family and yourself become happier. Maybe, on the contrary, you don’t devote time to yourself, all the time with your children - and this is exhausting, exhausting, burnout sets in, there is no question of happiness.
If you don't like a certain period of the day, for example, when you need to feed the children or put them to bed - get creative in solving the problem, try changing the usual rituals. Perhaps then everything will be easier and more pleasant.
Try to focus on the true needs of the child, and not your idea of \u200b\u200bwhat his ideal life should be. In the life of a child there should be personal time, personal space, a lot of unconditional love, warmth and care, acceptance by parents. Everything else is secondary and should not be at the head of education.
3. Show unconditional love
The child should see that he is loved by you not only when he behaves well and brings good grades. It is much more important to show that you love him, including when he behaves badly, you love him all, with advantages and disadvantages, accept him in any way, respect his interests and rights.
If a child sees that his parents love him, even if they punish him for misconduct, then he will not once again check the boundaries of what is permitted. And most importantly - there will be trust in the relationship, because the child needs acceptance - and receives it.4. Appreciate your child's uniqueness
Stop comparing him to other kids. Your child has a unique appearance, a unique character, he is a personality and he is what he is and how you bring him up.
Always be on the side of the child, do not place any special hopes, expectations on him, he is free to go his own way in life - and this right must be respected. Instill in him the habit of defending his interests in any situation (even if at some point it turns against your interests).
5. Maintain attachment with your child
Take the time to always listen to what your child has to say, don't push, criticize, or reproach.
Try to tune in to his wave: understand the interests, needs, see the true causes of actions, and not just their external manifestation.
Listen to your intuition, not other people's advice. No one knows your child better than yourself.
6. Question your ideas, be flexible
Some principles of upbringing should be periodically reviewed: have they lost their relevance in the force of the growing up of the child or changed life circumstances, whether they work as they were intended.
Do not be afraid to change the approach to education, abandon unnecessary prohibitions and rules, or modify them.7. Stay calm and consistent
Parents always think that their business is more important than what the child is trying to distract them with. Nevertheless, for his age, his affairs are also serious, this must be treated with respect.
Before you withhold your attention, consider whether you really can’t get distracted, or are you just doing it out of habit?
Give the child the opportunity to choose, the opportunity to make a decision within the framework you have outlined.
Try to be patient in any situation. If the child does not obey, spoiled or broke something, you need to explain to him the consequences of the act as calmly as possible.If the misconduct was intentional, it should be followed by adequate punishment appropriate to the age (not physical or emotional abuse). for example, depriving the tablet for a week.
8. Lead by example of good habits
Sports, proper nutrition, information hygiene, quality leisure - all this children inherit from their parents, absorbing their habits and lifestyle. And it is strange to demand from the child what you do not do yourself. If you want your child to eat healthy food, do not eat fast food in front of him. If you want him to read books, read them yourself.
9. Give yourself some indulgence
There are no perfect moms and dads. Today you are calm like a boa constrictor and turn the conflict into a joke, and tomorrow fatigue has been superimposed on a working blockage, the children have broken a window with a ball - and patience and wisdom have disappeared.
Strive to be the perfect parent, of course, is worth it. But it is also important to remember that we are all human and cannot be perfectly correct 24/7 (otherwise you can get a nervous breakdown).
Be kind to yourself, to your loved ones, and to those around you. After all, all we really need is love, in its broadest sense.
You will also be interested to read:
- 10 secrets of ideal parents - how to better understand children
- 10 things kids really want from us
- 10 things kids inherit from their dad
