For everyone around Sonya's parents were just the perfect couple. So cute, always together, support for each other, words are pleasant to each other. But at home it was quite the opposite. Mom spent her whole life trying to remake her father. In some miraculous way, two wives coexisted in her. One is a kind, sympathetic, pleasant woman who always praises her ideal husband when strangers, the second is an eternally dissatisfied, grumpy little wife who has been fighting all her life with husband's shortcomings.
It only dawned on Sonya with age that so many couples live this way. In many women, after the wedding, a strange program is activated to improve and change the spouse. And after all, poor things, they believe that they will succeed, believing that all men are imperfect and they definitely need to be improved. But all these attempts to dissolve in a spouse, to make him better, more beautiful, smarter, more dexterous, lead to the fact that the very personality of a woman dissolves.
Sonya was about 20 years old when she realized this, and then she firmly decided for herself that she would never marry. And with age, my mother could no longer control herself, she sawed and sawed her father, who answered something there, but continued to be the way he always was.
Sonya's mother was very squeamish and pathologically clean. And it was easy for my father to walk all over the apartment in street shoes, and on the freshly washed floor. And dad also dragged into the house everything that lay unevenly - cans, bottles, paint, boards, spare parts. Throughout the apartment there were boxes with these “necessary” things, but my mother was very afraid to throw them away. Sonya herself somehow sorted out one shelf with such wealth on the balcony, so then her father flew into her badly.
Father didn't care that the house had already been renovated 20 years ago, and the furniture was old, everything suited him. And my mother's hands itched to re-glue everything. And, if she still managed to convince her father to do something in the house, he did, but very badly. Once, while still at the institute, Sonya went on an excursion with a group, and dad was on a business trip, when they returned, the house was renovated. Dad wasn't very happy about it. He mumbled something and resigned himself. It turns out that my mother hired workers during their departure, they redid the ceiling and walls throughout the apartment.
A huge impression on Sonya was made by her father's school friend. He came to visit when his parents were at work, and he himself sang chicken in the oven and cut the salad. For Sonya, it was a great surprise and delight to see how a man cooks.
Or maybe dad didn’t want to help mom, because she didn’t need help? Sonya then realized that her mother did not need help, she needed spectators, she needed those who would appreciate her culinary abilities, praise her, she did not have enough applause. And dad took her cooking and cleaning for granted. Therefore, my mother was dissatisfied with life, everything was wrong for her.
Sonya nevertheless got married, but she firmly decided for herself that she would not be the same as her mother, but quite the opposite. She never sawed her husband, and if it suddenly rolled up, she assured herself that she herself had chosen such a man, that she would live with him all her life and should turn a blind eye to his shortcomings.
Mom could not re-educate her father, he died last year, and she laments for a year that she is very unhappy with him. And now she lives alone, the older children don’t particularly want to go to her, it’s good that the younger Sonya is nearby, more often she happens. When mom tries to remember what a clumsy father was, how many flaws he had, and how he constantly doing everything across, Sonya is silent, transfers the topic to another, and tries not to argue with old lady.
Sonya herself has been happily married for 25 years, she has adult children who are madly in love with their parents. And she also has the best husband, whom she did not change, but accepted with all his advantages and disadvantages!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/ne-smogla-perevospitat-muzha.html
