Probably, everyone has such relatives, close or distant, who seem to give advice out of their own care and love, but in fact they simply violate all personal boundaries. For some such advice, I want to be rude, or even spit in the face. Calmly, do not pay attention to passive aggression, because all complaints are usually accompanied by: “I wish you well” or “We have always helped you.” Let your relatives keep their "expert" opinion to themselves, do not listen to anyone, this is your life. In some cases, if there is such an opportunity, then it is better not to communicate with these inadequate people!
Understand that people can say whatever they want. Do not take their words to heart, your personal life does not concern anyone, even your relatives. Let's discuss the 7 most tactless tips from relatives, and decide what can be done!
"It's time for you to get married"
Unfortunately, after such words, many women begin to drive very hard, and often marry just anyone. Because, according to good advisers, being single at the age of 30 is already a shame.
What to do?
If, in general, the person who likes to give you such advice is not bad, and you have a normal relationship, then you just have to learn to keep a firm distance from talking about marriage. You don’t need to explain or justify anything, just point out to relatives that such a topic is unpleasant for you. Well, if you are bothered by a relative with whom you would never have begun to communicate, if it were not for “one blood”, then simply stop any communication with him.
"When will you have a baby?"
Why such advice, if a person, for example, decided not to have a child at all? And parents, grandparents are all waiting and waiting. And tell them, don't tell them, they stand their ground. We gave birth, and you should!
What to do?
Here, either reconcile yourself and endure the sidelong glances of relatives and acquaintances, or clearly define your position: “I don’t plan yet,” “I don’t plan at all.”
"When will you find a real job?"
What is normal work in the understanding of relatives? For some - when you have more free time, for others - a big salary, for others - something significant and certainly not journalism, writing, art, etc.
What to do?
Perhaps your relatives thought that you would follow in their footsteps and continue the dynasty of doctors, lawyers, military, etc., then it's time to show that you yourself are free to decide who you want to be and where work. The most important thing is your mental comfort. Remember: love and work are two areas where outsiders should not poke their noses, even if they are your relatives.
"Stop doing nonsense!"
It's about some of your hobbies. Maybe you like to write poetry and devote all your free time to it, or you love racing, volunteering, learning Chinese. For you, this is a pleasure, and your relatives cannot understand how you can engage in such nonsense.
What to do?
If you pay for your Wishlist and hobbies out of your own pocket, then none of the outsiders have the right to tell you what to do and what not. So say: your business, your money, your time. Do not understand? Repeat over and over.
"Stop breastfeeding"
By the way, there may be other advice, like: "do not give up breastfeeding." You are a grown woman, a mother, if you are not dependent on your relatives, then why should you listen to them in such intimate matters as breastfeeding?
What to do?
For a person, the birth of grandchildren is much brighter than children! Therefore, grandparents again begin to feel responsible for little crumbs and try in every possible way to participate in their upbringing. And advice is not ruled out, which sometimes become tactless. Perhaps the parents are simply afraid that an inept young mother may not be able to cope with her new “position”, so they are trying to tell her what to do and what not to do. Well, what can I say, build boundaries, inform your relatives that this is your child, and it's up to you to decide what to do, just be polite, you are relatives.
"Will you ever dress like a human?"
You love short dresses, but dad thinks they're vulgar, you like trouser suits, but mom doesn't think they suit you. But none of your relatives has the right to criticize your wardrobe if you buy your own clothes.
What to do?
It is possible that mom can envy your harmony and youth, and dad is just worried that some unscrupulous men will covet you. Try not to pay attention to the amendments of relatives, explain to them that this is only your choice.
"You need to lose weight / gain weight"
Not everyone succeeds in losing weight quickly, even with physical activity and diets. And, by the way, with fattening, a similar story, for example, I was very thin all my youth, and everyone who was not too lazy considered it necessary to remind me that I should already get better. And I didn't succeed. But, isn't that tactlessness? If a woman likes men, likes herself, then why should she gain or lose weight?
What to do?
Tell your relatives, well, or acquaintances that you know about your problem, and the mention of it is unpleasant for you. If the person in front of you is sane, this will stop him, if not, then it's time to think about whether they are hostile to you. Any criticism of appearance is aggression, so send those who humiliate you to the forest.
In conclusion, I want to say that you need to work on your self-esteem in order to be a confident person in your appearance and in your beliefs. And when your attitude towards yourself changes, it will change with your relatives. Appreciate and love yourself!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/7-bestaktnyh-sovetov-ot-rodstvennikov-i-kak-na-nih-reagirovat.html
