Society dictates to us a lot of stereotypes, programs, a lot of patterns of behavior, too many “don’t”, “don’t you dare”, “don’t do that”. Sometimes something just flies past us, and does not hurt, and sometimes crawls into the very subconscious, and guides our actions throughout life.
Here is one such program that negatively affects us - the fear that we will be punished. But it's time to turn back, and just let go of all such programs.
Many people simply have a panicky fear that they might do something wrong, or not do it at all, or say the wrong thing. They are afraid that they will be judged, punished, not accepted. This comes from childhood, when we could, for example, be punished for a low mark. And then, already in the senior classes, a really stressful situation arose during the exams: “what if I don’t answer, what will happen then?”
This is exactly the fear of making a mistake that we grew up with. Therefore, no matter what we do, the fear pops up before our eyes, like a beacon, that we will certainly be punished.
The same goes for shame or disgrace. We are afraid, for example, to give an interview, because we expect tricky questions that we cannot find an answer to. For example, I can always say at work that I don’t know something. Yes, someone is surprised: “how so?” And so, in the world, not a single person knows everything, including even some nuances in his specialization.
But in many fears sit inside, and itching, tormenting, harassing. Such a program simply destroys a person to the point that the thought appears in his head: “I am not worthy of living.”
How to get rid of the fear of being punished, the fear of condemnation and shame?
There is no injury
You must imagine that there has never been any punishment, and there cannot be. Imagine that the experience that you got because of the mistake you made didn’t hurt you at all. You didn't receive it. Everything is fine! Think the same way, how your life would change if that trauma really disappeared.
Look for the positive in everything
Whatever happens to you, good or bad, try to see the positives in everything. And forget the phrase: "If only I could have acted differently then." Instead, take into your head the axiom phrase: "If I could, I would." You will see, the feeling of shame, guilt you will immediately disappear. No matter what you do, no matter what result you achieve, always tell yourself that you did your best and that you are happy with the result.
If we talk about perfectionists, then they generally do not give themselves the right to make mistakes. They strive to do everything perfectly, and it is precisely for them that it is much more difficult for them to come to terms with what is done wrong. But, if you perceive everything is not stereotyped, do not set rules for yourself and do not be led to reproaches and impositions society, you can make mistakes, but at the same time remain perfect and not feel shame, and therefore not be afraid to be punished.
Face your fears like adults
What does punishment mean? You are not a child to be punished by someone! As soon as you have a fear of punishment, immediately think, who is going to punish you? You are an adult, there is no teacher with a pointer or a father with a belt around! Think, from somewhere in your childhood, a terrible character comes out that you are afraid of, from whom you expect punishment. But now you are an adult, and everything that was before is behind you.
Work on yourself, only you yourself can change the world around, and first change your attitude to your mistakes and actions.
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/kak-izbavitsya-ot-straha-byt-nakazannym.html
