There is a very good phrase on this topic - "Think before you say something to your child, later it will become his inner voice." And indeed it is.
Almost all the attitudes that guide people through life are laid down before the age of 5, and unconsciously this accompanies us for the rest of our lives.
I think everyone will agree that we love our children and want only the best for them. But sometimes, out of good intentions, parents break the child's psyche once and for all. And already in adulthood, these children go to psychologists to remove the consequences of the words of their parents.
I will write a list of the most destructive phrases that you should not say to your children:
You are ugly / th, fat / th, stupid / th, strange / th, etc.
Any characteristic of this kind lays in the child the installation that he really is like that, because the person who loves him speaks about it, and he cannot deceive.
With age, depending on the character, such a child will either fight with this voice, or will obey it. The struggle will be to eliminate the causes of constant self-doubt. And even if everything is fine, he will find the reason why everything is bad with him. And to reconcile means to score on yourself and be exactly the same as he was once told.
You are unbearable, I'm tired of you, why am I being punished like this?
With these words, you put into the subconscious of the child that it is difficult with him and you cannot bear him, that he is not happy for you and you think that you are being punished and your child is to blame for this.
With age, such attitudes lead to the fact that the child either obeys your words and begins to behave intolerably and punishes you, or fights it, trying to please everyone. He becomes a pleaser to everyone, not thinking about his well-being.
It would be better if you were not born, you are a burden for me, I will give you to an orphanage / Baba Yaga
With these words, you doom the child to survival. He loses the support of the most beloved and important person in his life. He considers himself unnecessary and superfluous.
With age, according to an already clear scenario, he chooses two paths. Or he resigns himself to the fact that no one needs him and that he is not welcome anywhere. In this case, his life will be constantly on the verge. Or he will start to fight for survival, but he will never be able to build a trusting relationship with anyone, and he will never be able to trust anyone and become happy. Although it can succeed in life.
It’s not scary if these phrases escaped by accident and after a while, when you have already cooled down, you say, even if to a small, as it seems to you, child who does not understand anything, that you are wrong and you are ashamed of your words.
When you smooth your sentences with words of encouragement and say that you are tired / you are having a hard time / you want to rest, but the baby is not to blame, you still love him, he understands that what is happening is not his fault, that he is loved, important and valuable.
In this case, nothing threatens his health and he will grow up with confidence that he is a good person, and also, with the ability to admit your mistakes and understand that everyone can be wrong, but there is always the opportunity to correct your words and become it is better.
