"Men don't cry, but I don't know a man who has never cried" ©
No matter what they write in inspiring publics, society as a whole does not approve of men's tears. A whimpering little boy will be ordered to be a man (or not to be a girl) and immediately wipe himself off. A bearded brutalist in tears causes more tenderness, but not sympathy and understanding.
Mean male tears
My father was a very tough man, but once I happened to see him cry. It happened when we made the decision to euthanize our dog, who no longer had a chance to live. For me, a ten-year-old girl, my father's tears were a real shock. Is he really a living person, the same as all of us?
Once, a six-year-old boy was crying in a supermarket. He cried like a real man - quietly, almost without showing any sign, barely holding back powerless sobs and noisily swallowing tears. A stony-faced mother, imperturbable, examined the counters.
At the sausage department, he gave up and spoke:
“Mom, you see a thing and you want to buy it. And you buy because you are an adult and you can afford everything. Why do you always refuse your sons?”
At the cash register, he could not stand his mother's indifference to children's desires and, stomping loudly, left the store.
I remember this incident because it struck me to the very heart. This boy was not behaving like a naughty child, hysterical and rolling on the floor, as is often the case. He acted like a real little man. And for sure he was told more than once about how to restrain himself, not to bore over trifles and not to whimper like a girl.
Emotions without gender
Psychologists leading private receptions often say that a crying woman in a session is not embarrassed by her tears, but the man tries to restrain himself, and in case of failure, to justify himself and apologize for the "non-male" deed.
Here is what psychotherapist Sam Louis says:
“When my male clients come to me, they often share painful memories from their childhood, but there are many inconsistencies between their stories and their feelings. When I tell them this, they shrug their shoulders, saying that's how they were raised. It's heartbreaking to see so many men say they feel weak and ashamed because they can experience feelings of sadness, pain and disappointment. After all, they’ve been told all their lives: “Real men don’t cry!”
From a physiological point of view, when a person experiences stress, there is an increase in the level of adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH). Over time, when this condition increases, it leads to even more stress that needs to be removed. And then tears come to the rescue.
Dr. Jody DeLuca, a neuropsychologist at a Florida clinic, noted that suppressing tears and holding back stress leads to somatic disorders (already bodily, not mental), which is scientifically proven way. It has also been proven that such disorders are especially common in ethnic cultures, for example, in traditional Asian families, where stoicism and patriarchy are held in high esteem.
Even science says that tears do not and cannot have any gender, because stress has the same negative effect on men and women.
tearful philosophy
And some philosophy in quotes.
“People cry not because they are weak. They cry because they've been strong for too long." (Johnny Depp)
I subscribe to every letter, Johnny! The more you hold back, the stronger will be the flow that will break this dam. This is well known to introverts who accumulate in themselves a dangerous charge of unshed tears and restrained emotions connected in a sea knot somewhere deep inside.
“Most men cry better than they talk. You will get more care from them by hurting them than by just talking to them.” (Henry Thoreau)
A curious statement by an American philosopher from the 19th century. He directly says that men are truly sincere only when you hurt them, leading them to real emotions, and not to those that are imposed by society and invented by him.
“I went to the bathroom four times to cry. This is probably the real reason why God did not allow men to have children.” (Channing Tatum)
This Hollywood resident told in an interview about joint birth with his wife. While she brought new life into this world under the hooting of obstetricians, this mountain of muscles ran out into the bathroom to cry.
Happy mothers with babies are your way out!
Author: the woman who only cries when she's alone
