We need failures and difficulties in life in order to become stronger, develop, and move forward. But not everyone understands this. Some get hung up on all the bad things that happen in their lives. When they have failures, they are very worried, as soon as everything is good, they are sure that then they will have to pay for this “good”, therefore they do not feel joy. And how to communicate with such people?
Let's take a look at how they lead
Manipulation for self-affirmation
Imagine some acquaintance meets you on the street. You haven't seen each other for a long time, and he asks how you are doing. Then you start sharing your successes with him. But instead of joy on his part, regret appears: “how lucky you are,” you’re lucky, you have a job, a home, “you were lucky with your partner,” and so on. AND you begin to feel guilty because everything is so good with you, and you try to remember that you have such a bad thing in your life so as not to stand out.
But you shouldn’t remember what’s wrong with you. Because a person in his own words simply devalues your achievements and victories, showing that all this is not deserved by you! He believes that complete injustice is taking place, and against its background, he disclaims responsibility for his personal life.
Manipulation to find confirmation
I think everyone has met people who tell how bad everything is with them, you give them some advice, and they just brush it off: “no,” “I don’t have it will work out, ”“ I’ve done something like this before, ”“ it won’t help me, ”and so on. Often such people, looking into our eyes, begin to say that, they say, I tortured you with my problems, sorry. And then we feel ashamed of some of our unworthy thoughts.
What does a person do? First, he throws off all the negativity that has accumulated in him on you, and he gets better. Secondly, he seeks confirmation that everything is bad for him, denies possible solutions to the problem, and goes home, calmly living further according to his own scenario.
Manipulation with the phrase "I'm bad"
Well, or something like that. This is when a person says to some phrases: "Well, I'm bad, what do you want from me?" needed ”,“ I'd rather be alone ”, etc. And you begin to persuade him, finding all possible excuses for his such a life and worthlessness.
This is a typical victim who needs to be pitied. Then a person receives, as it were, confirmation of his uniqueness, and relieves himself of all responsibility for worthlessness!
Now it's worth figuring out how to communicate with such people.
Unfortunately, you cannot help a person who has decided for himself that he will never succeed and he is bad. Start by asking yourself the following questions:
- Why do you need this person?
- what do you get from communicating with him?
- are you ready to spend all your energy and time to help him cope with problems?
- why do you need to listen to his tearful stories?
Understand yourself. Sometimes we ourselves behave in such a way that the person finds us comfortable with their complaints. Be honest with yourself. If you are not ready to be a "savior", then find the strength to leave such a game.
Even if it is your partner, relative, very close friend - you cannot be responsible for the lives of others. You have no right to decide instead of another, although it may seem to you that your decision is the best.
Ask this person how exactly you can help him and what he does in order to normalize his life! Unfortunately, many people find it easier to constantly cry about their hard lot, instead of trying to change at least something. But you do not have to listen to all this and decide, because you have your own life, and you waste it on empty chores, useless and ultimately leading to nothing!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/esli-u-cheloveka-vse-ploho-no-on-nichego-ne-menyaet.html
