More and more often, you can hear rather unpleasant stories about how children forgot about their parents. How ungrateful, shameless, evil they are. But those who have always been good in their family do not even think that parents can be to blame for the fact that their adult children do not want to communicate with them at all. Here's a story from life, and try not to judge at once, but to understand.
“Ungrateful” is the word Oksana is used to hearing in her address. And all because she does not keep in touch with her mother at all. Every year, all daughters and sons wish their mothers a Happy Mother's Day. On this holiday, all social networks are full of congratulations, all magazines are full of declarations of love to mothers. Well, how not to congratulate your mom on this day? Oksana does not do this, because she believes: her mother turned her life into a real hell.
Physically, Oksana's mother never punished. It was always important for her what people said about her, so she acted smarter. She could not notice her daughter for almost months, and in public she showed with all her might that they had a wonderful family. Now the mother denies this, claiming that she has always treated her children and grandchildren in the same way. And she blames Oksana for making it all up on purpose.
Oksana is now suffering. She does not understand why society believes that every woman who has given birth to a child automatically begins to love him and knows how to express this love of hers. It is because of this statement that children who are not loved by their mothers suffer so much more. They are not surrounded by maternal warmth and love, they feel flawed, they try to understand why they are not loved the way everyone says it. But they still do not find an answer. In a society where stereotypes reign, it is very difficult to prove that you are normal, that you are the victim.
A toxic mother, a mother who does not know how to show love for a child or frankly does not love him, in society there may be so charming, kind, sweet that everyone around, of course, will be perplexed why they treat her so children.
Meanwhile, children who grew up without motherly love cannot even ask for support. Because in the presence of strangers, mothers can become tender and caring, you can even hear words of love and support from their lips. And the children begin to believe that all this is sincere, the thought flashes through that mother still fell in love, accepted. Only then it all starts anew: ignore, criticism with or without reason, manipulation, humiliation.
Such mothers can be called talented actresses. They play the role of a loving mother in public, they play the role of a victim. And everyone around them thinks that these are children so ungrateful, because no one knows what is happening outside the walls of the apartment.
Do not judge people who do not communicate with their mothers. Probably, these people grew up without care and love, which others may have in abundance. No need to judge and label. Believe me, they are not doing very well anyway. They were deprived of maternal love, they did not see support from their mothers, they are in pain!
Oksana, under pressure from society and stereotypes, occasionally communicates with her mother, but tries to minimize meetings. She does not mind that her children communicate with their grandmother, call her on holidays, go to visit. But she no longer expects from her mother a manifestation of love and affection. She goes to a psychologist a lot of time, trying to clean up her injuries, and to understand why it happened so in her life. She has been trying to heal her wounds for a long time.
Don't judge people who don't want to communicate with their parents. Don't call them ungrateful. It seems to you that the person was happy, dressed, shod, well fed, and his mother was always friendly, kind, charming. But you cannot know what was really going on in the family. Do not condemn a person who cannot speak about his mother without love and awe, this is not his fault. On the contrary, he grew up without the care and love that others had in abundance.
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/zhizn/pochemu-vzroslye-deti-ne-hotyat-obshhatsya-s-materyami.html
