7 rules for parents how to behave with a child during a period of denial

The period of denial is the stage of growing up, through which absolutely all children go. As a rule, it occurs in a child at 2-2.5 years old and can last from 3 to 6 months. In psychology, this period is called the "crisis of two years." This is the age of discontent and stubbornness when the word “no” becomes the leading word in the child's vocabulary. Not all parents know how to behave properly at this time. Many begin to punish the baby and force him to obedience. Meanwhile, psychologists say that it is through denial that the child learns to be independent and independent.

Why does the child answer "no" to everything?

With the help of "no" the child tries to show independence / istockphoto.com

All mothers know that children grow "in leaps and bounds": a baby can be of the same height for several months, and then stretch by 1-2 cm in a week. The same thing happens with mental and emotional development. The child learns new skills and feelings in "jerks". Yesterday he could not figure out how to put the puzzle together, but today, in five minutes, he connected the disparate parts. Yesterday he ran after his mother with his tail, and today he breaks out of his embrace and shouts "I myself!"

There will be at least 10-12 such "leaps in development" during the first years of a baby's life. However, the most noticeable and difficult for parents is crisis of two years. The fact is that it is by this time that the development of the brain stem structures is completed in the child. The limbic system begins to develop, which is responsible for emotions, speech, imagination and memory. This allows the baby to "separate" from the mother and begin to perceive himself as an independent person.

Such "separation" coincides with enhanced physical development - a child at this age walks well, runs and jumps briskly, can get or reach objects of interest to him. And mental and speech development allows the baby to clearly formulate his thoughts and desires. Often these desires run counter to what the parents require or want. And this is where the wonderful word "no" comes to the rescue. Having tried it once, the baby begins to use it with or without reason, denying even simple and ordinary things.

How to tell denial from stubbornness

A child's period of denial is not like the usual stubbornness / istockphoto.com

Many parents begin to confuse the period of denial with stubbornness and believe that the baby is saying “no” to them out of spite. However, psychologists argue that at this age, the child still does not know how to do something on purpose in order to deliberately infuriate adults. His “no” is just an attempt to show his individuality, to declare his desires and become more independent than he was before. That is why the crisis of two years has other features that are clearly visible in the behavior of the baby.

• Perseverance. If the child wants something, he will repeat about it constantly. Attempts to "switch attention", which worked perfectly a month ago, lose their effectiveness at this age.
• The absurdity of the protest. A child may refuse those things that he usually likes and enjoy, or may demand something that is, in principle, impossible (for example, to put on sandals outside in winter)
• Self-will. The child wants to make decisions for himself on all issues that somehow affect his interests: what to wear, what to read, what to eat, where to go for a walk, what to play
• Independence. The kid is increasingly refusing help in everyday matters: he wants to dress and put on shoes himself, eat himself, go to the toilet himself; on the street often refuses to walk by the hand
• Aggressiveness. If his demands or deeds are not heeded, the child begins to show uncharacteristic aggressiveness, shout at his parents, throw and break toys, or even try to fight.
• Tearfulness. After aggression (or instead of it), tearfulness comes: the child gets upset, begins to cry inconsolably or throwing tantrums; it is rather difficult to calm him down in this case

How to behave with a child during a period of denial

It is important to speak calmly with your child in protest situations / istockphoto.com

The main mistake of parents in this period is trying to "increase the degree" of severity. Many people think: in no case should the baby be “allowed in”, otherwise in the future he will definitely “sit on his neck”. However, excessive severity in the crisis of two years, on the contrary, has a detrimental effect on the child. She can injure weaker (psychologically) children so that they will completely discourage them from showing independence in the future. But she will stimulate strong children to show aggression, which is why there will be much more conflict situations.

No matter how much you want to insist on your own, psychologists recommend to be patient. To survive the crisis of two years with minimal "losses" for your psyche and the child's mind, adhere to a few simple rules:

Rule 1. Give your child more independence

If the child wants to do something on his own, let him try his hand. Your task here is not to impose your help, and even more so not to say "you will not succeed", but imperceptibly control the actions and baby safety. Only if you understand that the child is not doing well, gently ask if you need help.

Rule 2. Do not rush the child when he does something himself

Keep in mind that it can be time-consuming for your child to do something on their own. Hurrying your child will make him nervous, aggressive, or hysterical. Therefore, start to lay more time on everything about everything. For example, you know that you need to be in time for a meeting - tell your child that it's time to get dressed 30-40 minutes earlier.

Rule 3. Let your child make choices

There are so many things that are not too important for education, and in which the baby actually has the right to decide for himself. For example, what cartoon to watch, what T-shirt to wear, what to eat for breakfast. If the child sees that you periodically reckon with his opinion, this will reduce his desire to always contradict you in everything.

Rule 4. Avoid being categorical by narrowing down your choices

If you need to get some action from the child, do not ask him questions so that they can be answered "no" or "I do not want". Offer the choice yourself. For example, do not ask him: "will you have porridge?" There is a chance that the child will answer “I will not” and order you something completely indigestible for breakfast. Ask: "will you be porridge or omelet?" So the baby will be able to make a choice that will be convenient for you.

 Rule 5. Don't give choice where you don't need it

There are things that a child needs to do: for example, sleep during the day, brush your teeth, eat three times a day. In this case, formulate the task so that it sounds firm, clear and specific. Do not ask the kid: "Are you going to eat?", But tell him "it's time to eat." At the same time, you yourself must be firmly convinced that it is really time. Children are very sensitive to the doubts of adults, and will throw a tantrum where there is even the slightest slack.

Rule 6. Deal with denial situations with your child

If your little one regularly throws tantrums, try talking to him about it after he calms down. Analyze the situation, try to find out the reason for the protest. Explain why you were upset about the child's behavior. But do not blame him in any way and do not say that he is bad. The kid should feel that you love him anyway.

Rule 7. Remain as calm as possible

This is the most difficult, but at the same time, the most powerful of all the rules. You may have to drink a ton of valerian, but during the period of denial, you must not lose your temper. The more calmly you react to the baby's protests, the more confidently you stand your ground where it really matters, the more respect the child will have for your demands.

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5 age crises in a child's life: a cheat sheet for parents

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