War and peace in the nursery: what to do if brothers and sisters quarrel

The relationship between children in the same family is a difficult topic for many parents. After all, when deciding to expand our family, we dream that the first child will have another close and a loved one, and we want the children to get along with each other, stand up for each other with a mountain and support in any situations. But reality is often far from illusion - children quarrel, compete, and sometimes openly protest against the company of a brother or sister.

She told us how to behave for parents in difficult situations, how to lay the foundation of intimacy between children, avoid mistakes and prevent conflicts in the nursery. psychologist Irina Nikitenko.

Don't overstate the bar

One of the biggest concerns of modern parents about the relationship between their children is the overestimated bar of requirements for what this relationship should be. Many believe that if children quarrel or do not want to play together, then this means that the relationship is bad, and the children will not be friends in the future.

In addition, parents in such situations immediately begin to look for the reason for this “not ideal” state of affairs in their pedagogical mistakes. They say that we have brought up something wrong, we urgently need to somehow improve. The result of such "urgent" measures - excessive stress on parents - only adds fuel to the fire of children's relationships.

You need to immediately understand one important point - children cannot constantly show only love and interest to each other. Any relationship is based on ambivalence - the duality of feelings experienced by us. As much as we want it, but we still sometimes feel anger, irritation or anger in relation to even very close and beloved people. The only difference is that adults know how to live these feelings ecologically or simply suppress them. And children do not know how.

Preschoolers and younger students are very emotionally unstable, therefore, quarrels, clashes and conflicts between brothers and sisters only say that children learn to interact, grow up, and the strength of psychological friction between them increases.

Do not require children to show only love for brothers and sisters.

Striving for zero conflict in the nursery is not only very difficult, but also dangerous. Children should not be required to show only love for their brothers or sisters. From our disapproval, a brother who is angry with his sister will not stop experiencing what he is experiencing. But he will clearly grasp that such feelings are wrong, forbidden. So, trying to be good in the eyes of their parents (all children strive for this), they will either suppress their negative feelings inside, or show them surreptitiously, secretly, unknowingly take revenge on your sister for your own inner the discomfort. Moreover, such a model of behavior will become entrenched in the child not only in relations with brothers and sisters, but in general in relation to their own experiences. The child will remember that there are so-called "forbidden" emotions and will avoid and deny them in any form, thus denying a part of himself.

It is important to understand, first of all, to the parents themselves that children have every right to be angry or offended at each other and, in general, to feel in relation to brothers and sisters not only rosy feelings. But these feelings should be shown in such a way as not to harm your loved ones.

Top 6 Reasons for Fighting Children

There are factors that increase the number of clashes between children. Understanding what can heat up the atmosphere in the nursery helps to prevent conflicts in time and not bring the situation to screams and tears. The most popular triggers for child quarrels are:

1. Fatigue

Preschoolers get tired quickly and react very sharply to various stimuli. Try to intuitively assess the degree of fatigue of each child in order to switch attention in time or pause in their communication.

2. Excess motor activity if it is impossible to implement it

If the child has not thrown away energy while walking or doing active leisure, an emotional outburst is inevitable. When the elder is bursting with energy, he will bully the younger to release it.

3. Cramped and crowded

Children, as well as adults, sometimes need to be alone. This is especially important for introverts and phlegmatic people. If the children are constantly together, and they have no opportunity to retire, separate from brothers or sisters, and also do not have any the allocated territory for the habitation of their toys, this can provoke frequent irritability and quarrels over the division of territory and the possession toys.

4. Chronic overload of children and their parents

In this state, it is even more difficult for children to control the manifestations of their emotions and even seemingly harmless events can knock them off balance. If mom and dad are at zero, the children are very sensitive to this state and as a result they get together with them in the so-called emotional resonance. Those. their bad behavior further aggravates the general situation. It turns out to be a vicious circle, which only parents can break.

5. Childhood age crisis that occurs about every six months

O crises it is necessary to remember, and in such periods, to be more sensitive to the pulse of the relationship between children, trying to exclude all other possible factors provoking conflicts.

6. Adverse impressions of the older child outside the home (kindergarten, school, yard)

If the elder half of the day or most of it is in a stressful state due to problems in the kindergarten or school, at home he will strive to discharge himself - to relieve negativity and excess tension. It is quite probable that a younger child could become the addressee of such relaxation.

What to do if children quarrel?

Any conflicts between children are easier to prevent than to resolve hotly. For example, having felt an increase in the intensity of emotions between children, you can invite them to pause in the game and drink juice, watch a cartoon, or do some separate things. But, if a quarrel nevertheless erupted, it is important to evaluate for yourself the criteria for parental intervention.

Most skirmishes do not require parents to rush to the nursery and work as judges. After all, it is important for children to learn how to find a way out of conflicts themselves. But, if you go to deal with a problem between children, follow a few rules.

1. No screaming and assault!

Try to stay calm. Emotions in the nursery are already off scale, and with your screams you will definitely not resolve the situation. Your task is to show children how to solve problems peacefully without resorting to raising their voices or fighting. Remember that children first and foremost learn relationships from their parents.

2. Don't look for the culprit

The problem is not always as obvious as it seems to adults at first glance. The younger one could hit the older one simply because he wanted to get his attention. And the older one could push the younger one because he was protecting his drawing from his encroachments. At heart, every child is right, and your harsh censure can cause deep resentment and the feeling that he is less loved than a brother or sister. Try to keep neutrality.

3. Nobody wins

Children often call their parents for help due to the fact that they cannot share the toys. In this situation, it is important to teach children to negotiate on their own, respecting each other's interests. This is a very valuable skill in a person's life. If, for each misunderstanding, the children call their mother, trying to persuade the mother's decision in their favor, make sure that such actions are unprofitable for the children. For example, you have explained several times how children can agree in a similar situation. The next time, if the children still have not agreed on the toy, you take it for yourself. Nobody wins, and this is a great incentive to solve the problem differently next time.

4. Sit in one boat

If the children find it, but do not confess, both must answer. Even if you know exactly which of them mischief. And, of course, in no case should you encourage sneaking.

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