This question worries many, and not so much parents as children. Should parents help them? The question arises when there is no help at all. Here, they will look at one pair - there the parents, even if not with money, help them with food. Look at another couple - the parents helped pay the first installment on the mortgage. Well, either they paid for the wedding, bought some furniture for the house, etc. And you sit there and get nothing from yours. And my mother constantly bites that you should already be helping them, and not they for you. So after all, how right should parents help their adult children with money or not?
Everyone will answer in their own way, depending on age, gender, status, number of children and upbringing. By the way, there are arguments for both a positive answer and a negative one.
Here are the pros:
- If a child needs help, he needs help.
- If parents refuse to help children, then why is the institution of the family needed?
- If parents do not want to help their children, then they will not receive any help from them later in old age.
Here are the arguments against:
- No one is obliged to plow for children until old age.
- If you help children all your life, what will be left for yourself?
- Children must grow up independent, and learn to rely exclusively on themselves.
Alexey, 32 years old
“I was born in a tiny town, and my parents have worked at a local factory all their lives. Childhood was not hungry, but when it came time to go somewhere, parents threw up their hands. They had no money. I had to take out a loan myself, apply for a fee, earn extra money. The parents helped a little, namely with some food a couple of times a month. I have changed many professions, whoever I was. Then he unlearned, began to work in a normal place. Now I have an apartment, a car, a family, children. I don't need anything. When asked whether it is worth helping your children, I will answer yes! I will do my best to ensure that my sons do not need anything. Because from my youth I don’t even remember any holiday, only continuous lack of sleep due to study and work, and hunger... ”.
Irina 25 years old
“My parents have been helping me all my life. Together with my husband's parents, they bought us a kopeck piece, now they constantly help with the children, buy them clothes, delicious food. When I was studying, my parents fully paid for my studies at the institute, courses, and all kinds of tutors. Now I work and earn good money, but my parents still help us. And we do not ask, but they are so used to it, and they say that they will not be able to do otherwise. I don’t think that parents should help grown children, I’m very ashamed. I believe that you need to live for yourself, and not feed your children and grandchildren until old age. Although, probably, the question is very controversial, everything is individual! "
In the former countries of the USSR, such a tradition has probably developed - to help even already grown-up children. And here it is not so much a matter of love as of a not very good economic situation. It is very difficult to support yourself and your family when you just graduated from college, and without experience you are not hired for high-paying jobs.
In many European countries it is generally not customary to provide for their adult children. Even if parents are well-to-do from head to toe, they are successful businessmen with a bunch of real estate, children “make themselves”. Even if children need help, parents spend their savings on themselves. With the onset of adulthood, children become independent individuals and are responsible for themselves. So, flew away from the parental nest - flounder as you want. Maybe that's why the age of marriage, for example, in the United States is 30-35 years old. Indeed, by this age period, people already have a good job and a stable income.
I believe that it is necessary to help, but not in everything. For example, I consider it compulsory to give education, and then the children have to "swim" themselves and provide for themselves. That is, you only need to make a contribution to children for their further development. In other words, instead of buying fish, buy a fishing rod for the children and let them catch the fish yourself! And parents should not be blamed for indifference and selfishness, they have lived all their lives for children, provided them with everything they could. Why should they sponsor their offspring until old age?
Another thing is when children really need help, then you can support them at least a little. What do you think?
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/dolzhny-li-roditeli-pomogat-svoim-vzroslym-detyam-dengami.html
