The number of divorces only increases every year. Many, of course, stay together for the sake of children, for the sake of something else. And few people take seriously the problems that have arisen, without trying to articulate and work through them. After all, there are now a large number of family psychotherapists, in whose help couples very often do not even believe. And in vain!
Exactly one of the modern family psychotherapists, having studied the married life of many couples, was able to identify 4 main signs of an impending divorce.
It is about criticism, disrespect, fear of conflict and retreat. Similar problems can occur in absolutely every family, but, according to the psychotherapist, if in relations, there are at least 2 of the listed, we can talk about doubts about the durability marriage.
So, here they are 4 signs of an impending divorce
Criticism of the partner himself, not his actions
This is the kind of criticism that implies that something is constantly wrong with the partner. He can be generally positive from all sides in his actions, but you criticize him anyway. You do not like the traits of his character, personality. Phrases that are used in this case: "why are you like that?", "You are always ...", "you are the same as ...", etc. In response, the criticized partner begins to defend himself. The couple simply stops hearing each other, and further communication between partners becomes unbearable.
What to do? If you are already going to criticize, then this should be the specific behavior of your partner, and not an attack on his personality traits. Example: “It happened…, I feel…, but I need…”.
Contempt for a partner
In this case, one of the partners begins to feel superior to the other. Outright disrespect begins: sarcasm, ridicule, grins, offensive words, such as nicknames. In general, anything is used just to belittle the partner's self-esteem with one goal - to mock and insult.
What to do? You need to work first of all on yourself. If a person does not respect his partner, he, first of all, does not respect his choice, and therefore himself. And you need to work on yourself, creating an atmosphere of kindness and respect in the family.
Aggression as a defense
And this just follows from the first sign. When one partner begins to openly criticize the other, he, in turn, defends himself, and with aggression. Or, as a defense, he pretends to be a victim: “I’m not to blame ...”, “It happened,” “I didn’t want to,” “I was forced by circumstances,” etc. All this develops into mutual accusations. Criticism is met with criticism, an expression of one's own opinion takes place, with complete disregard for the partner's opinion.
What to do? No matter how difficult it may be for you, it is worth learning to side with your partner. He must understand that to some extent you agree with his opinion, understand his feelings, so that he realizes that you can look at the situation from his point of view.
Avoiding conflict
Very often in pairs it happens that when a conflict is brewing, one of the partners simply runs away. Therefore, problems are not discussed, in the end all this can accumulate for a long time, and then turn into very unpleasant things.
What to do? It is important to understand that conflict cannot be avoided. You need to find out everything at once. If you are afraid of a storm of emotions, then take a break from the conversation, think it over, and only then continue.
You need to work on any relationship, all conflict situations need to be spoken out. You cannot show disrespect to your partner, criticize him for those character traits that you seemed to like before.
If your marriage has fallen on hard times, do not hesitate or be afraid to discuss everything and visit a family therapist!
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/4-priznaka-chto-vy-na-grani-razvoda.html
