Parental phrases can become real attitudes over time. Which of these attitudes do we spoil the child's life and program for failure?
Many of our problems come from childhood. Self-doubt, distrust of one's own feelings, perfectionism or infantilism - all this is put into the head at a tender age. Often parents and often with the best of intentions. Parents make remarks to protect the child from danger or to calm down a stupid, in their opinion, tantrum. These harmless phrases develop over time into real life attitudes. Psychologists have identified five types of toxic expressions that can affect a child and change their attitude towards life. Try to keep them as rare as possible in your interactions with your baby.
Installation: "Don't do it"
Frequent phrases: "Do not run, you will stumble", "do not climb a tree, you will fall", "do not sit on the floor, you will catch a cold", "do not touch the toy, you will break it"
Most often, parents say such phrases to save the child from some kind of trouble. However, psychologists say that in 60% of cases, the danger is far-fetched. The phrase flies out automatically, more for complacency, and often gives out overly anxious and suspicious moms and dads. In the long term, such overprotection gives a destructive result. First, the child grows up with anxiety and the feeling that the world around him is full of dangers. Secondly, by suppressing all the desires of the baby in the bud, the parents kill any initiative in him. In adult life, such a child will think a hundred times before deciding to take a step. Even if it's just a selection of pizza
Installation: "Don't Feel"
There are no trifles and nonsense for children's tantrums / istockphoto.com
Frequent phrases: "Do not be upset over trifles", "and you think this is a problem", "you should not cry over such nonsense", "stop laughing, people are watching"
With these phrases, parents often try to calm the child down. It just turns out it's pretty rough and clumsy. After all, what, in the opinion of adults, is "nonsense" and is not even worthy of attention, for a child may at the moment be the focus of all his vital interests. Constantly saying that the baby is crying "over a trifle", mom and dad thereby devalue children's feelings. The child unlearns to understand himself, and begins to evaluate his emotions through the prism of the opinions of others. In the future, this can lead to dependence on public opinion and possible depression on the basis of searching for oneself.
Installation: "Don't be yourself"
Frequent phrases: “Masha helps her mother, and you’re constantly lazy”, “Kolya goes to football and tennis, and you’re on the phone all the time”, “half of the class reads better than you”, “Vika is not so capricious”
The constant comparison of a child with someone else in the literal sense of the word devalues him as a person. Parents try to spur the child to some kind of results, but they get the opposite picture. The kid begins to feel "underdog" - not smart enough, strong, athletic, neat, and further down the text. If the comparison goes against the interests and hobbies of the child (well, he does not like football and tennis, like Kolya!), Doubts begin to creep in that he is “the right person”. As you grow up, these doubts lead to eternal dissatisfaction with yourself.
Installation: "Don't be a child"
Every child has every right to be young / istockphoto.com
Frequent phrases: "You are no longer small", "you are already big", "adult children do not behave like that", "this is for kids, it is already ugly for you to do this"
Does the combination "grown-up children" hurt anyone's ears? Indeed, a child has every right to remain a child. Trying instill in him independence and to emphasize his age, parents often shoulder an overwhelming task on children's shoulders. You cannot force a child to grow up with just one phrase, and if he wants to behave like a baby, then he needs it now. Reproaching him for this, moms and dads cultivate an unnecessary sense of shame in the child. In adulthood, he will scourge himself for any manifestations of weakness, hesitate to ask for help and not trust even the closest people
Installation: "Don't be an adult"
Frequent phrases: "You are still small", "you are still a child", "what can you know about this", "it is too early for you to think about it", "do not go, this is for adults"
The reverse attitude tells the child that his opinions and desires in the family are not taken into account. The kid is "pushed" into the background by age, thereby instilling in him doubts about his own significance. Two developments are possible here. Either the baby “shrinks” and will perceive himself as small, regardless of age. Or he will start looking for ways and means to attract attention to himself and be finally heard. In the first case, children, becoming adults, never fully mature. They doubt themselves and are looking for a person who will make all decisions for them. In the second case, a person will be doomed all his life to prove to himself and others that he is worthy of something.
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