Secrets of Pinocchio: why the child is lying and what to do about it

All children tell lies from time to time. Someone does it very often, someone rarely, but nevertheless everyone lies. And by the way and when your child does it, you can almost with 100% accuracy recognize psychological problems that he does not show in any other way. We offer you to understand the nuances of false diagnostics with the help of our expert - Natalia Prostun, a practicing child and family psychologist.

False as a talent trainer

If the child is a preschooler, then it is not true - this is not always False. Sometimes this is fiction, which is a stage in the formation of pictoriality. Only a person with imagination can create, create, design and create, and the more it is stormy, the more talented and less stereotypical will think and act in the future today's small dreamer. Because when your child says something that won't fit on his head, for example, that today he is in kindergarten flew in the clouds or ate a rubber boot with mustard, in no case do not lower it to the ground explaining the laws being. The intention to tell how the world works and in an unobtrusive form to put the necessary knowledge into his head, in this case, will harm the child. He will still have time to study the laws of physics, as well as to learn the need not to break away from reality, but the ability to invent almost 100% is formed only at a tender age. Your task is to ask equally fantastic clarifying questions. Let's say, “How was it? Firmly, I suppose? "," A. What did you see through the cloud? " And with jam, it seems to me, the boot would still be more appetizing. Have you tried it? " The story will acquire new details, and the child will practice the ability to come up with something new and his own.

Lies as a result of curiosity

Of course, even a preschooler has reasons for lying, behind which are his internal problems. More about them later. Now - about lies as a consequence curiosity, which, in the child's opinion, the adult will not appreciate, and therefore he is forced to hide the truth. And more often than not, he's right. For example, he put the cat in the closet, his mother comes in, and the son, without batting an eye, reports that he closed the closet door to "put things in order, since the door was open." Of course, Mom is angry! She also gets angry when she catches a child mixing paints right in the box for them, and at the same time he claims that “they were like that!”. But in the first case, he wanted to see if and how the cat would look for opportunities to get out of the confined space, in the second - what new colors could be obtained. Therefore, always before reacting to the child's act and the lies that hide this action, the parent must evaluate the motives of both. Otherwise, mom or dad becomes provocateurs and motivators of lies. Indeed, the next time the child, in order to avoid the unconstructive reaction of the parent, will again lie and do this is more and more often, which is fraught with the fact that deceit will become entrenched in the model of behavior and become a feature of it character. So, if the act is caused by curiosity, it is worthwhile to calmly tell the child why her satisfaction in this case unacceptable, show how it is necessary to do this, and you should definitely speak your feelings caused by the fact lies. Something like this: “I am very upset that you are not telling me the truth. After this, my mood spoils. I want you to trust me and in any situation speak only as it is, and I will try to understand you. " To prove your point, hug the child and show how you should have acted.

In the first case, like this: “Bunny, when the cat jumps on the shelves, he gets our things dirty. We don't like it when it's dirty, do we? In addition, I will have to erase everything again, and I could play checkers with you at that time. Look, let's put the cat in the box. Come on, look, look, he scratches, pushes her walls. Here is a funny one - he does not understand that they are solid. Wow, you see, I figured it out - I stuck my face out through the lid. "

In the second, so: “Next time you ask me for some container. Otherwise, look — you mixed it, and now you have the same color in each cell — gray-brown-crimson. And now, look: we dip the brush in water, now in red paint, put the droplets on a plate. Then we rinse the brush - this is a must, otherwise the colors will mix again so that they can no longer be used — dip it in yellow, drop it on red, and what do we get? That's right - orange! "

 Thus, the child will be convinced: you are ready to come to the rescue, teach and understand. And next time she will not be afraid to turn to you for help, even with her wildest ideas.

Fantasies over the unspoken

- Mom, I beat all the boys in the kindergarten today!

- Why?!

- Yes, they didn’t listen to the teacher at all.

If the child actually did this (and this can be found out from the teacher), your task is to explain that you can wave your fists only in case of protection, people solve other questions with words. If there was no "battle", for sure, your son was in trouble with the guys, for example, they do not let him into their social circle, and he fantasizes how cool he is. It is necessary to find out who the son is with is friendly and why, with whom he does not communicate and what is the reason. During the "interview" you will learn the details of the real state of affairs and will be able to prompt the child out of the situation. For example, he can take a few toys with him the next day and share them with the guys he likes. At the same time, explain that he must warn them that he gives toys for a while. Do not be afraid that in this way you will teach the child to bribe. Preschoolers are "friends" according to the principle of who has the most interesting toy, and in many respects only for the sake of it. This is a variant of the norm. After 6-7 years, they cooperate according to their interests. But already now you can lay the desire and ability to be friends for real, telling what friendship is, and inviting the guys who the child likes to play together with him. Let's say you invite your parents to get together at the stadium so the boys play soccer. The guys, for sure, will become friends, but you will actually show your son how you can build relationships with people and be friends.

Teaching the Truth: Rules

These tips are suitable for children of all ages.

1. Joint leisure.

Spend time with your child more often and more - it will be more embarrassing to lie to a friend (and not just a mother) to a child.

2. Motivation for truth

If the lies are out of the ordinary, you can deprive something meaningful. For the rest, reinforce positive reactions: praise for every truthful confession and you can even on the occasion of my joy, to give the child a small present with the words: “How glad I am that you told the truth. I can imagine how difficult it was for you to decide, because you were probably afraid of my anger. I'm proud of you!" Reassure the child: no matter what happens, you will not scream or punish him - first you will calmly figure everything out and do it with the child.

3. The right to secrets

Vigilant control over the actions of the child, especially from 9-10 years old, and even in adolescence, when children have regular periods of separation, can push them to lie - if only you did not climb with moralizing or upset. Therefore, gradually expand the personal space of your child: he has the right to secrets, to understatement and interests in which there is no place for parents.

It will also be interesting for you to read:

How to understand that a child is lying to you

Learning to distinguish children's fantasies from outright lies