When I was little, I dreamed of growing up and becoming different from everyone else. I didn't know what it was exactly, but I decided that while I was growing, I would find out the easiest way to stand out, and then I would be with delight in enjoying your exclusivity, sipping sweet tea with buns and spitting on the gray masses ...
I want and I will
Lermontovsky Pechorin said that he had an innate passion to contradict. I immediately remembered this phrase at school and fell in love with it. I thought: yeah, here I am - the heroine of the new time. And, as far back as I can remember, not even on purpose, but somehow spontaneously, I did everything differently from the others, but with a hint of some charming foolishness. Apparently, heaven led me along my chosen path.
True, this path was somewhat roundabout, and for some reason I had to make excuses for everything. And this is wrong, because delightful nonsense should be done with such a face, as if it were quite natural for oneself. I wanted everyone to admit that I am not like everyone else, and not that everything is different from me.
Against the stream
In my second year at the institute, I was unexpectedly transferred to a group where 10 of 12 girls were blondes. This angered me, because I, a natural brown-haired woman, could simply get lost against their background (especially since I have always secretly disliked blondes).
I didn't want to become red, because there was no way out - there was a natural freckle-curly in the next group, and I would have looked a pity next to her. The only way to stand out from this blonde crowd was in crimson - a la singer Pink at the dawn of her career, or an eccentric punker in her years. This is how my student life proceeded - in ridiculous attempts to stand out from the crowd, at least visually.
But it so happened that the crowd still took power over me, and by the time I graduated, I was already a hopeless blonde, realizing at the same time that the phrase about the preferences of gentlemen is not such nonsense.
A couple of months ago, I met a classmate I hadn’t seen since that same blonde student. We remembered the past, laughed, and suddenly she says:
“And you haven't changed at all. The same as it was - a little out of this world. "
And all this without crimson hair, but with the first gray hair and wrinkles, in low-key clothes and old gym shoes. And then I remembered how for some reason I tried to stand out, and I felt so strange and embarrassed ...
Don't annoy, but don't give up
As you grow older, you realize that the crowd is not such a bad substance. It is actually very safe there, but no one bothers you to be a kind of revolutionary-quiet, freed from the need to bang your head for medals or cookies.
When you finally relax, stop jumping out of your pants, ending this senseless race, there is always someone who will discern the unusualness that is present in each of us. And all because a hot candle in the room is invisible if the light is already on in it. And as soon as it goes out, it immediately becomes warm and comfortable.
For the second year now, when we got used to face masks, many women experience remarkable stress. What would you think about it? Due to the impossibility of showing your face with lipstick! The masks have made us equal, and try, show your individuality when you have only eyes on your face!
We are all not like everyone else - how many jokes and aphorisms have been created on this topic... Just shouting about it is pointless, and it is not always safe.
© Svetlana Berdnikova
