Once I was walking with a child from kindergarten and saw a very unpleasant picture. A tortured middle-aged woman was trying to get her second-grader daughter and four-year-old son out of the park. The girl was not delighted with what was happening, but still walked, as her mother told her, but the boy was not going to give up. He had a bottle of water in his hand, and he threw it on his mother's head with it. And she, instead of somehow reacting to such a gesture, began to persuade her son to go, promising to buy a chocolate bar.
“What kind of chocolate? I screamed mentally. "No way, you can't buy him a chocolate bar, he hit you!"
Then I turned to my child, who saw this picture in all its colors, and said that if he ever hits me or someone else on the head, he will definitely get hit. The child nodded approvingly, and we went on with him.
And the fact is that this is neither strictness in me, but a process of education. For many years I have been teaching my children about acceptable and unacceptable rules of behavior. They saw many cases like this, and I always explained what not to do and why. And after all, in this situation, the children were not babies, and they have no developmental disorders. They are quite normal children, to whom their parents simply did not explain that there are things that cannot be done.
How many times in cafes and restaurants I saw children rushing around the hall between the waiters who are trying to bring hot dishes to the visitors. And I came to the conclusion that our generation does not know how to discipline their children at all. My children behave decently in such establishments, and at home they can indulge in little pranks.
Somehow my youngest child did not want to sleep, and just left the room, sat down next to me, and began to ask me smart questions that require immediate answers. I was adamant, and all I said to him was "good night." And this is correct, because once to give up the slack, and the child will think that even if I do not encourage his such behavior, on the whole I do not mind.
Parents can be understood, everyone works, gets tired and just doesn't want to complicate their life. But children begin to misbehave precisely when mom or dad are tired and simply unable to educate themselves, as well as unable to defend their boundaries. Namely, at such moments, you need to collect all your will into a fist, and fight back by introducing rules and setting clear restrictions.
Please do not let the children behave like this, otherwise it will only get worse if you don’t stop it. Today the baby hits his mother in the head until she buys him a chocolate bar, and what will he do tomorrow? Undisciplined children turn into spoiled teenagers, and then into cruel spoiled adults.
And here's another danger, at some point in your life, you will meet such an adult, and you will want someone to put him in his place. And the question in my head will arise, why did not his parents raise him properly? Do you yourself bring up your children normally?
In the old days, children were treated very strictly. Their parents constantly beat and punished them. And even in my childhood I got it. Now we understand that our kids are intelligent and conscious human beings, and we do our best to prevent them from becoming adults filled with fears and stresses in the future!
But in order for a person to become normal, complete, balanced and well-mannered, he needs to be educated, right? Raising a child doesn't mean becoming a bad parent. Children do not suffer from upbringing, they suffer from cruelty! And only in our parental power to change their behavior!
By the way, I punish children when they start doing things that are dangerous to their lives, while they do not obey me. I punish if they don't put their toys away after themselves. Of course, to someone I seem to be a strict mother, but this is not so! Who will teach your children manners if not you? How will they know what is good and what is bad if you do not explain to them?
After all, it is enough just to explain everything clearly and clearly, so that in the future there will be no problems! Children, in the long term, who understand that there are rules, boundaries - feel more secure, even though they are for you, of course, and will not respond with gratitude at the moment when you punish them for something or when you install these same regulations.
Therefore, if the child next time behaves in a way that you would not want, just let him know about it. No screaming, no spanking on the butt, just look your baby in the eyes and clearly say what you don't like!
Severity or not? There must definitely be a golden mean! What do you think? How do you bring up children, do you allow everything or set clear boundaries?
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/strogie-roditeli-ili-net-kakimi-nado-byt-na-samom-dele.html
