You can never renounce. You can trust your partner, and be 100% confident in him, but no one is immune from cheating. I have heard many cases when the couple continued to live together, even after infidelity. Previously, I considered this a manifestation of pity and weakness.
When my friend was in a serious relationship for many years, and everything went to the guys for the wedding, she found out that the guy was cheating on her. It was like a bolt from the blue for her, she did not even think that such a thing could happen to her. Then she suddenly realized that leaving after the betrayal was not such an easy option as it seemed to her before. She loved the guy very much, and did not want to cross everything out like that because of one of his only misdeeds.
We recently met with this friend, she then married that guy, but they lived together for a couple of years. He cheated on her, and she found the strength to leave. We came to the conclusion that if then she asked her boyfriend 3 simple questions, then she would have a better chance of solving everything on the spot - to keep the relationship or immediately leave it.
Here are the questions:
"Do you want to work on our relationship?"
My neighbors have been married for over 10 years, everyone seemed happy. When we found out about their divorce, it was a shock for everyone. It turns out that the woman began to come home late from work, and her husband once asked her: "Are you cheating on me?" And she answered shortly and dryly: "Yes." And do you know what he did? No, not gone! He began to look for various ways to mend their relationship. He arranged romantics, gave gifts, even wrote them down to a psychologist. He did everything to return the former passion and spark. In the end, nothing happened, the couple divorced, and the woman went to the one with whom she was cheating on her husband. So, if he then asked her if she wants to continue the relationship, change something, work on it, and hear "no", then he would not waste so much time on nothing.
"Do you feel guilty for treason?"
I watched the destruction of my uncle's 30-year marriage with his wife. He accidentally found her secret correspondence with another man. He was very offended, but he did not want to tear everything up in the heat of the moment. He was ready to forgive her, but first he wanted to know if his wife was repenting. And he asked his wife if she felt guilty, but she didn't care. Just not an ounce of regret.
"Why did you cheat on me?"
The guy cheated on his girlfriend in general with the waitress from the cafe, where they often dined. And she already understood it herself, even before he confessed everything to her. He could not hide it, because he considered his girlfriend also his best friend. He also added that he had no feelings for that waitress. It turns out that he always cheated on his girls when he wanted to leave them, but it just happened to coincide with his girlfriend. As he said, clouding of mind, stupid, stumbled. And she did not ask why he really did it, they just continued the relationship. In general, many couples after betrayal are still trying to improve relations. My friend could not see how her boyfriend was suffering, he was ashamed of what he had done, he blamed himself, was broken. They broke up, but they have been friends for 10 years.
You cannot call a woman who was able to forgive treason wise. But betrayal does not always mean quarrels, screams, tantrums. Cheating can help work through relationships and make them stronger. And for this you need the desire of both partners, you need the desire to trust each other, as well as the ability to ask important questions in order to understand whether it is worth saving this relationship.
What do you think?
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/3-neudobnyh-voprosa-kotorye-nuzhno-zadat-partneru-posle-ego-izmeny.html
