Then the mother is covered with a feeling of guilt and misunderstanding of how to remain calm in such cases.
Here are 5 steps to get closer to your perfect calm mom look.
1. Recognize that you alone are responsible for your failures.
It's important to face the truth: it is not their fault that you yell at the children.
The problem is not in the children and not in the situation they create for you, but only in your attitude towards her.
Yes, it is often very difficult with children. But don't you feel guilty about your unrestrained behavior? This means that it is with yourself that you need to start changes.
Any trifle can be annoying and become the last straw, which another time will not be noticed by you at all.
Therefore, it would be more correct to say that it is not the children who drive you out of yourself, but you yourself lose your temper due to the confluence of various circumstances.
2. Find triggers - and eliminate them
When it comes to parental anger, it is best to act on prevention.
Analyze what is most often the "last straw" after which you fall into a rage.
It can be excessive haste, excessive mess, hunger, evening weariness, physical pain, etc.For example, you did a good job all day, but by the evening, not having time to eat properly in a day and physically exhausted, you already start screaming and lose patience.
So, try to build your day so that you have a healthy and tasty snack at hand and have time to relax and recover. It's not easy, but conflict with children is even more exhausting, not to mention the long-term harmful effects.
3. Ask yourself three important questions
Emotions are often beyond our control, especially outbursts of anger. Try to "rein in them" by thinking for a minute and answering yourself only three questions:
- is what the child does so scary?
- why is he actually doing this?
- if you were calm and relaxed now, in a good mood, what would you do in this situation?
Analyze the problem before reacting to it. Look at the situation through the eyes of a child: what does he need now, what kind of mother does he see now, what should he do if his mother is "boiling"?
4. Step away from the baby and pause
None of the loving parents wants to yell at the child or harm him in any way.
If anger covers you and you have no time to analyze the situation, just step back. Focus on the child's age:
- if he is very small, gently put him in the crib and get some air by the window. Remember that nothing terrible is happening, fatigue simply speaks in you. All this will surely pass. For 6 counts, inhale and exhale for 6, breathing calmly will bring you to your senses.
- if the child is already at a fairly conscious age, you can tell him directly about your feelings: that you are very angry and ready to scream, so go to the kitchen for 5 minutes and ask you not to touch. When you stay a little, you can explain to the child exactly what made you angry and why, explain that you did not want to pour out your anger on him.
In this way, you will teach the child himself to react to negative emotions, to his own anger. If you shout at him, then he will also shout when something goes wrong.
5. Find a way to safely vent your emotions
Suppressing negative emotions, including anger, can be bad for your health. Expressing emotions is necessary - but only so that no one is hurt by it.
I want to cry - cry, this is a good way to throw out the accumulated fatigue. Turn on your favorite music, sing, dance, buy yourself something that you have long dreamed of, but constantly put off, do a few physical exercises.
You will also be interested to read:
- Zero Mom: 7 Ways to Cope with Burnout
- How to teach your child the most important things in life
- How not to lose heart when everything is bad
