Singer LAUTA gave an exclusive interview to the site Kolobok.ua.
The editors of the Kolobok.ua website managed to talk to the singer LAUTA. In a candid interview - about parenting, quarantine, rest and much more.
LAUTA: I try to maintain a balance between career and family
Julia, you are a working mom. Does your career affect motherhood and are your parenting skills and skills helping you?
Unfortunately, the profession of an artist presupposes high employment: it includes tours and trips. I am often not at home. When I go to concerts, I really miss my children, and they miss me. But at the same time, they perfectly understand that their mother is a singer, and this is an integral part of her work. They know that I love them madly and will be back soon.
If we talk about the process of raising children, I, as a creative person, try to be creative in this process as well. Cooking turns into a kitchen competition, playing sports is a whole game, and cleaning is a fun quest. I also teach children a taste for music. Watching me play the piano, they like to repeat after me to be “like a mom”. I help them in dancing, personally select teachers. Fortunately, I have a clear understanding of what they need and what kind of teacher is right for my children.
How do your children perceive that their mom is a famous person?
For children, you always remain a mother. While they are not yet that grown up, and do not understand all the specifics of my profession, so at home they always want to see only their Mother, dear and beloved. My eldest son, when I come home dressed up from concerts, says: "Mom, wash off your makeup... You are very beautiful without it!" They love to unravel my hair and see me at home. My youngest son is very surprised when he sees me dress up for performances. He's only two now and is curiously examining my outfit and makeup.
Children often talk about their future professions, who they see themselves as in adulthood. What do your children want to do?
The youngest is too young to think about it, and the older wants to become an English teacher. He often asks me to play cartoons in different foreign languages and guess what kind of language the characters speak? Already now he has a great desire to study foreign languages and linguistics. With his confidence, he reminds me of a five year old. I firmly told my parents that I would be a singer. So my son is a future English teacher.
LAUTA: A child is a big responsibility, and upbringing must be approached very thoughtfully
Do you feel the guilt that many working mothers feel about sacrificing time with their kids for a career?
I try to maintain a balance between career and family. If, for example, I actively devoted one week to work, then the second week I should fully devote to children and family. Naturally, sometimes, when this balance can swing towards a career, and I, for example, miss important events in the life of children, I am insanely annoyed, but such situations happen in the life of every person, not only artist. I understand that somewhere I am not giving attention, but I always try not to panic and make up for everything.
We live in the 21st century, for a woman now it is completely normal to build a career on a par with a man, and only then a family. I myself was like this before: career in the first place, and family somehow later. Only after giving birth to a child and starting to raise him, I understood the full value and importance of motherhood. I thought that career was the most difficult one, but it is not. The most difficult and important thing is to raise and educate a psychologically healthy and happy person or several. A child is a big responsibility, and you need to approach education very carefully.
Are you a friend to the child or do you still follow the chain of command? What are your main parenting methods?
For a child, I always try to be a friend. You need to understand that a child is a person with his own character, habits and behavior. And he may be completely different from you - this is normal.Naturally, he needs to be guided and helped so that the child makes an independent choice and is responsible for it. He must learn to make decisions on his own: what color to wear socks today or which section to go to. If a child wants to stop doing something and choose something else for himself, he must explain the reason.
I always talk with my children as with adults, I try to articulate everything as clearly as possible. This also applies to our rules. They must understand why there is some kind of restriction or prohibition. If I do not allow to watch cartoons at nine o'clock in the evening, then the child should understand that this is not because that “I want it so”, but because tomorrow he will not be able to get up early in the morning and will miss the first lesson in kindergarten, or school. This is how his inner discipline is formed.
Everyone is in a bad mood: both parents and children. There are even emotional breakdowns and quarrels. But at such moments it is important to pull yourself together, sit down and talk with your child, discuss the current situation and make peace. Children should not have feelings of resentment and understatement, so that in the future this does not develop into anger. Children are psychologically very fragile, but at the same time they understand everything, like adults, and this should be taken into account by any parent.
Describe your ideal day off with children: where will you go, what will you do?
It will be a very bright day filled with various pleasant activities and events. Waking up in the morning, we will have breakfast and go for a walk. Then we will have some kind of "discovery": it can be a zoo, an oceanarium, a puppet theater or any other place we have not yet been to. Next, we will go to the pool and take a dip.
And, of course, on this day we will pamper ourselves with delicious. A pleasant end to the day will be a trip to some cafe, where we will order pizza, pasta and desserts. Even if this is not entirely healthy food, children love to eat this very much, just like adults. Often it is harmful to eat this, but if you allow yourself and the children once every two weeks, then there will be no harm, and the children will have a sea of positive emotions. When you return home you can watch a good cartoon. For example, "Beauty and the Beast", "Balto" or our favorite "The Lion King". A family watching a good cartoon will give a weekend evening a fabulous touch.
LAUTA: There is a universal method that suits all children
How has your quarantined life changed? Did you manage to spend more time with your children?
Naturally, it has changed. Now most of my time belongs to my family, and I am more involved in parenting and household chores. As for work: I was already starting to worry. After all, before my work took most of the time, but now, although I try to do everything online (record tracks, do video lessons, etc.), this is still not the rhythm of life that was before.
As for the children: I believe that all children (not only mine) are now very lucky that they finally have the opportunity to spend time with their parents and relax. And they quickly want to study again and return to their schools and kindergartens.
By the way, now I help my eldest son a lot with homeschooling. Every day I spend several hours with my child in an online school. There are a lot of tasks: English, French, writing, and mathematics. It takes tremendous patience to explain everything to a child, and sometimes even the same thing several times. As a person living in a fast rhythm, I am used to doing everything swiftly, so the role of a teacher is a real challenge for me, which requires great endurance. To be honest, I am not yet fully accustomed to this new role for myself.
Do you have a universal way to keep your child busy so that you can work in peace?
There is a universal way that is suitable for all children - to give the child a phone or tablet. But I try to rarely resort to this method, because I noticed that after this the baby becomes nervous and irritable. I came up with an alternative - trying to captivate my son with some interesting activity. It can be a Lego constructor or a home quest, or something else interesting that can take him for a couple of hours. And, of course, the obligatory lunchtime sleep saves me, which gives me a couple of hours to do my own thing while my children sleep.
Do you talk to your kids about the quarantine / coronavirus, or do you prefer not to tell anything?
Of course, I talk to children about quarantine and precautions, in the way that children need to be told. In the beginning, I showed them special hand-drawn cartoons for children, which explained why it is important to wash their hands often and how harmful microbes react to soap. This information is important not only in today's situation, but also in the future life of the child. Indeed, in addition to the coronavirus, there are a lot of pathogenic bacteria and microorganisms that can enter the body through unwashed hands. I try to tell them so that they understand and take seriously the fact that if you do not adhere to the rules of hygiene, you can get to the hospital. Then, in a playful way, I taught them to regularly treat their hands with an antiseptic. My eldest son is already more conscious about this and helps the younger to disinfect his hands after a walk.LAUTA: A nanny should bring warmth to your child, but not replace his mother
Who helps you in your upbringing?
My grandmothers help me in raising children: my mother and my husband's mother. And, of course, since I often have to go to other cities on tour, I have a nanny.
How was the nanny selected?
Finding a good nanny takes a very long time. Before finding her, we looked at a huge number of candidates. For us, first of all, it is important that the nanny loves children and communication with them, is clean and can maintain order in the nursery. It is also important for a nanny to have the correct speech, because the child spends most of the time with her and learns a lot from her. In fact, there are still a huge number of important nuances, so it is best to be around during the trial period and personally observe the communication between the nanny and the child. I will add that up to a year it is better to take a nanny with a medical education so that she can provide first aid to the child if necessary, and after a year - with a pedagogical one.
This is a very delicate issue and must be approached with great care. A nanny should bring warmth to your child, but not replace his mother.
Share the secrets of how to quickly and safely return to its previous shape after childbirth?
I more or less quickly got into shape, as I set myself such a goal.
Of course, the process slowed down a little breast-feeding, because I wanted to eat constantly. But after a month and a half after giving birth, I slowly began sports training and revised my diet. At that moment, all our aunts and grandmothers told me what exactly it is necessary to eat during the feeding period. For example, it was advised to include in the diet more fatty foods and condensed milk so that the milk for the child was more nutritious. But I came to the conclusion that the main thing is to eat a balanced and healthy diet.
And also, to get back in good shape, you need to be patient and be prepared for the fact that you will not be able to lose weight quickly. During this period, I made myself a lot of stress for the body and trained hard above the norm. So it worked out relatively quickly for me. I became very pumped up and began to look even better than I looked before giving birth. It is also important not to forget about massages (they properly disperse the blood), running, dancing and carefully monitor your diet.
Julia, do you consider yourself a happy mom? How to achieve this state for those who have experienced "burnout"? Give advice to readers.
I consider myself a happy mom! And I strongly advise other mothers who are sitting with children to find something to their liking. Any person needs a source of energy. For a woman, this is most often creativity. It can be anything: design, drawing, sports, dancing, yoga, knitting, or something else entirely. The main thing is that this activity should be to the woman's liking and fill her, preventing emotional burnout.It's no secret that children require a lot of strength and energy. The formula for a happy mother is to devote a lot of time to the child, but to keep it for yourself. There is a book called How to Become a Lazy Mom. She perfectly shows that sometimes you need to be a little "lazy" and allow the child to do what he already knows how to do. This brings up independence in children and keeps the mother strong.
Our children follow our example.
You need to understand that when a child sees an example of a mother's passion for something, he himself strives for more. I found my own business - this is musical creativity. I live by it. Music saves me from burnout.
Text: Alexander Kiva
Photos provided by PR service Malina
