7 ideas for quarantined families from ideologist Victoria Boyarina

Assessing the current situation with the pandemic in the country, we understand that at home self-isolation will have to spend more than one week. While the world is full of uncertainty, we focus on what we can improve - family relationships.

We evaluate success, correct mistakes and make the joint pastime as pleasant and fruitful as possible, using experience and recommendations ideologist of the "Family in Priority" project and mothers of 4 children Victoria Boyarina.

1. Find new opportunities

Quarantine during a pandemic is a typical invasion crisis for every family: in the smooth course of the lives of millions of people, sharp changes that caused them to experience stress and anxiety, primarily regarding financial well-being and health family members. But even a crisis can help improve the atmosphere in the family, if experienced correctly, perceive the watershed moment in family life as new opportunities to strengthen relationships.

Many in quarantine were left without a job and a source of income, and each of us is worried that someone close to us does not become infected with a dangerous virus. It's normal to worry about the fate of loved ones. But anxiety only prevents us from focusing on problems, focusing our efforts on constructive solutions, and acting effectively.

Imagine the worst-case scenarios for a more informed approach and confidence in the future. What will you do if you lose your source of income? Remember what you can do, what specialties you have mastered, what knowledge, skills and abilities can you apply to make money? Develop a detailed plan to break the financial impasse, involving other family members in the discussion. Think over every step you take in case someone from your family gets sick. Which doctor do you immediately seek help from? How do you isolate the patient from the rest of the family? Find the answers to these questions and let go of the situation. The panic will go away and you can be effective here and now.

2. Develop a family management system

The family is a small organization and needs guidance and management. Analyze what successive events the day of your loved ones consists of and try to organize it correctly, correctly and clearly allocate the time of each family member. Discuss with your family and make a schedule of the day for them in the form of a check-list, if the children are small, teach this practice to the elders, it will help them for life. Be sure to consider personal time for each, based on needs, and overall pastime. In my experience, with the introduction of checklists, children began to perform about 80% of the tasks on the schedule without reminders. To motivate them to follow the rules, you can add bonuses and penalties. "Exchange" the earned points for benefits for children: their favorite delicacy, the opportunity to do an exciting activity or watch a cartoon, some time to play a computer game, etc. We convert fines for violation of the rules into cash, these funds are saved by children for charity. Adults, in turn, also act according to the rules, setting an example for younger family members, and in case violations of the rules (did not turn off the light, put the thing in place at the wrong time, etc.) replenish the charitable piggy bank.

3. Make an agreement

What form of communication do you choose: constructive, respectful, or shouts and mutual complaints? Being under the pressure of emotions in a quarantine environment is not easy to avoid quarrels, so it is important to have an effective way to relieve tension in communication.

To reconcile different points of view, use the following scheme:

1. I start with consent.

2. I offer help, but I do not insist and leave the decision to you.

3. Here's a hint on how to use all of this to build authority.

The general intonation is light and friendly.

When you see fit to object, first agree. To do this, I propose to use the exercise, which is called - "Agree out loud." For example, when a child, contrary to the prohibition, wants to watch a cartoon, although he has been doing this for the last hour, I I answer: “Yes, I understand that you want to turn on the TV, but you already have time to watch came out. Check your schedule and find out when you can watch the cartoon next time or earn bonuses for this. " Remember to speak respectfully to your child by looking into their eyes.

I also advise you to implement a simple and effective technique: "Not in my opinion, not in your opinion, but in our way", which will help you find a third alternative and avoid the development of conflicts over the same reason.

4. Raise your immunity

Observe the daily routine, go to bed before 23.00 and wake up before 6.00.

Eat right. Drink up to 2 liters of pure water a day, 80% of the water must be drunk before 16.00. Limit animal products and products containing chemicals, eat healthy foods, more than half of the diet should be vegetables, drink fresh smoothies, juices, superfoods.

Add any kind of physical activity to your daily schedule (sports, dancing, house cleaning, etc.). It is very important to release energy that builds up in the home environment, especially for children. They are accustomed to activities during the day, studying at school, in sections, walking in the fresh air, so it is more difficult for them to comply with the quarantine regime. Include morning exercises or sports with the help of available tools in their daily routine.

Keep a positive attitude. If you are experiencing emotional burnout (exhaustion of nervous, mental and physical strength) - seek help from a psychologist. If you cannot get advice from an expert, use the resources available. For example, a free online platform for emotional support, self-development and fitness, which was recently launched online by Ukrainian specialists.

5. Stick to digital hygiene

Controlling screen consumption and the safety of the child on the network, organizing his workplace at the table and observing the rules of working at the computer are the responsibility of the parents. Remember to set the right example for your children.
Everyone in our house knows that children play computer games only on Tuesday and Thursday for 15 minutes a day. and on Saturday, Sunday for 40 minutes a day after completing all the duties that are in their timetable.

6. Love and support each other

Build trust in your family.

If you cannot change the situation, change your attitude towards it. The time in quarantine for our family is the most joyful and long-awaited, because we can finally spend it together, with the whole family, which we could only dream of before! This is a real gift, and I enjoy every day that I share with my family.

The effect of novelty will be introduced into the usual rhythm of family life by activities that you have not done before for some reason: for example, drawing dream cards together, singing karaoke, made home decorations, read books in the evenings, etc. Make a list of things that you did not have enough time for before, based on interests and wishes everyone. It is important that they cover all family members.

Online dinners with friends have become a new tradition for us: we negotiate in advance what is convenient for all participants video conference time and, despite the fact that we are on opposite sides of the screen, we have very warm joint evenings.

During the quarantine period, everyone needs special support. Help those who cannot cope with what is happening on their own, especially children. Give them a little more time, explain, if something worries them, make it clear that they are under the reliable protection of their parents.

7. Evolve

Use the forced vacation for self-development and online education according to actual needs, in order to immediately apply the knowledge gained in practice, in communication with loved ones. To develop relationships in a couple, I recommend reading the book by Bruce Feiler “Secrets of Happy Families. Male gaze ", to increase parental competence -" The emotional intelligence of a child "by John Gottman and How to Speak for Children to Listen and How to Listen for Children to Speak by Elaine Mazlish and Adele Faber. Those who are interested in family business and the continuity of generations will be interested in J. Hughes' Family Wealth.

I am convinced: every challenge of fate must be accepted with understanding and gratitude, and then everything will turn out many times better than you could imagine.