Parents have great authority in the eyes of the child. But only up to a certain age. And while we are not talking about choosing friends.
The anxiety of parents in such a situation is understandable. And in order to move on, it is important to calm down, focus and work on mistakes. Mostly their own.
Why do kids get involved with "bad" companies?
1. Lack of self-confidence
Usually in "bad company" there is a charismatic leader, under whose influence others fall and who wants to imitate.
The more self-confidence in a child, the more likely he will not stay in a team that will put pressure on him or act contrary to his interests.
2. You constantly monitor your child and decide what to do.
Teenage rebellion does not occur in a place where there is no reason for it. A child sees an example of how one can live not under the oppression and pressure of adults - and strives there.
And the more you "tighten the reins", the stronger the child's rebellion and desire to communicate with those who you do not like.3. You pay more attention to "bad company" than your own child
And it's not even about specific friends. If a child constantly hears criticism from you against those who somehow dress differently, look different, wear piercings and tattoos, listen to music you do not understand, has hobbies you do not understand - then obviously these people occupy more of your attention than your own child, from whom only obedience and "compliance the norm ".
Take a break from criticism and show your child an alternative, introduce him to the world and its diversity, expand your own horizons of thinking and accepting people.
What to do if you don't like your child's friends
1. If the company is really very bad and there are drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, violations of the law - such communication really needs to be stopped.
It is important to remember here that if before this age you have not built a trusting relationship with the child, then there will be no peaceful solution to the conflict. That is, in any case, you need to act ahead of the curve from an early age.
Of course, a teenager will not want to part with a company that he likes. Especially if there is a dependence on psychotropic substances.Very serious measures may be needed: from going to a psychotherapist and narcologist to being placed in a clinic and moving to another city so that the child starts a new life.
To avoid a situation that can no longer be resolved by only the parents, from school age the child needs to be introduced to the topic the harmful effects of drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and how hard life will be if you go to jail or contact bandits.
2. If your child's friends just don't seem good enough to you: do not study well, are brought up in dysfunctional families, are hooligans - it is important not to prohibit or condemn their friendship, so as not to cause the opposite effect.
If you see that in relationships with friends your child is not respected, used, suppressed, it is important not to blame these children and not scold the child for continuing to communicate with them.As calmly as possible convey your concerns, do not undermine the child's trust.
Show that you are worried, explain the reasons. Be prepared that today the child will not hear you, and tomorrow he will come in tears in search of comfort. Under no circumstances use the phrase "I told you so."
You are the rear and support. Be glad that your child has come to cry and tell you about the problem.
Remember that toxic relationships in which the child is not valued or respected are rooted in the child's psychological problems and experiences.
For example, self-doubt, intimidation, fear of rejection and offending, inability to resolve conflict situations, etc.
A child may end a relationship with bad company - but then contact another or enter into a romantic relationship, where they will be used again. Therefore, if you observe a child's tendency to communicate with children who are not suitable for him, it is better to visit a psychologist as early as possible.3. Take care of your child, not strangers. Spend time with your child regularly, talk heart to heart, get new experiences together, read and discuss books, instill a love of culture, art, travel.
Do not compare your child with others, raise him independent, self-sufficient and able to critically evaluate both himself and others.And then he himself will not want to mess with people who will undermine his well-being.
You will also be interested to know:
- 5 topics to discuss with your teen
- what to do if a child steals
- how to help a child if he has no friends
