All of us, sooner or later, come across people who lack empathy. This communication can cause feelings of anger, frustration, and even betrayal, especially when we are in dire need of support. These feelings are even harder and more painful when we are in a relationship with someone who cannot put himself in our place. It is also unpleasant when such people are our friends or family members, and we must contact them regularly.
Why we lack empathy
To experience empathy, we must get in touch with our emotions. People who lack empathy were often raised by "cold" parents in families where they avoided showing feelings and even judged others for their emotions.
As a result, they learned from the very beginning of their lives to block their feelings to such an extent that they closed their hearts. Such people have difficulty in realizing and expressing their own feelings. Of course, they are simply not able to experience the feelings of other people and put themselves in their place.
Non-empathic people lose self-compassion, self-love, and disconnect from their true selves. A kind of protective mechanism comes into operation and is consolidated, because empathy means the need to get in touch with your feelings and emotions, including feeling pain, anger, disappointment.
Why Lack of Empathy is Bad
Lack of empathy becomes a major obstacle to creating harmonious relationships. “I” and “others” are two realities that complement and define each other.
One of the key points that allowed man to separate from nature and create modern civilizations was cooperation with other people. Lack of empathy limits the possibilities for a rich and interesting life associated with cooperation at work and simple human communication.
Some people are not even aware that they are not empathic, so it is worth reminding them to show a little more gentleness and empathy in communication.
5 signs you should be more considerate of other people's feelings
1. Excessive self-focus
This is a trait that often goes unnoticed and is not recognized as something negative. For example, someone tells you about their problem, and you explain how you solved a similar problem. Or it is difficult for a person to do something, and you talk about your own qualities that you were able to show in such situations.
All this is a clear sign of a lack of empathy, because if it is there, a person tries to see the situation from the perspective of another person, and not from his own "bell tower".
2. Lack of tact and rough straightforwardness
There is a very thin and barely perceptible line between sincerity, straightforwardness, frankness and rudeness, tactlessness, ruthlessness. There are people who pride themselves on their ability to speak bluntly and directly. In real life, this form of communication can be rude, hurtful, and violent towards others.
Within the framework of live human communication, both the personality of the interlocutor and the relationship with him are of great importance. There is nothing good in bringing down your so-called individuality on another, offending him and putting him in an awkward position.
3. Imposing your vision and social stereotypes
Stereotypes are foreign to true empathy. The tendency to generalize and simplify other people's traits is just a sign of the inability to see the other in his integrity, dissimilarity, individuality. Empathy implies openness and acceptance of the world of another person, including with its shortcomings and characteristics.
You do not have to understand and accept them for yourself. It is enough not to condemn and respect the other person's need to be what he wants, without imposing on him your idea of what you need to be from your point of view.
4. Spreading rumors and engaging in gossip
Gossip is disrespect for the people it is about. When discussing other people, we show a lack of respect for their privacy. Spreading information about another person, whether out of curiosity, envy or boredom, is like exploiting them to fuel your own ego.
Gossip is an addictive psychological game. Each of us sees our reflection in the person being discussed. By gossiping about others, we learn what others might think of us if they knew about our weaknesses and mistakes. Gossip serves only to satisfy infantile selfishness, increasing self-esteem while damaging the reputation of others.
5. Utility towards people
Utility is expressed in behavior when a person seeks to turn others into tools that allow him to achieve his own goals or satisfy his needs. In other cases, it is an assessment of others based on their usefulness in achieving social goals, for example, at work. In other words, it is communication with people for the sake of using them for some purpose.
Each person is valuable simply by his existence, and not as someone who is capable of performing some function. We are all of the same species and we all deserve the same respect and attention from other people.
Sources: nospensees.fr, exploringyourmind.com, lifehack.org
