No child is born with the ability to protect their own and observe other people's personal boundaries. How can teach your child to not give yourself an insult? The main thing that the parents did not make it as a sacrifice. Of great love!
Some very well-behaved parents deliberately avoid walking with a child in children areas to protect them from conflicts and grievances. On the one hand, it protects the nerves, but only for a while, because someday the baby will be in the team peers: in the garden, school, developing classes, where he could face rudeness or aggression... How to make socialization took place easy?
Harmful Soviet cliches parenting
Forget the popular 20-30 years ago teacher dies, which we have inherited from grandmothers. The Soviet system with great pleasure accepted into its ranks people with victim complex - these are easier to manage.
TOP-7 bad advice as to bring out the child victim. Do not follow them! / istockphoto.com
TOP-7 bad parenting advice victim
Explore our bad advice and please... do not follow them!
1. Share and give in - a must!
If you do not want your child to have disgraced the family of his bad manners, then forced to share toys with those who cries and demands it, give way to teach younger children in line for the swing and slides, because the kids do not have to wait ...
In fact Someone else's child is reaching for a toy of your baby, and he does not want to share it now? No, he's not bad, and it does not grow greedy!
Up to 3 years of a child has not yet developed the ability to put yourself in the other person and understand another's point of view. Therefore, explanation of style "Give a toy girl because she was crying, she was very interesting, whether good boy ..." simply do not reach the goal. After 3 years, the child becomes important to be able to make decisions independently. If the parent without talking, he manages the children's things, in fact its message is as follows: "You have to give way to others even if you do not want. Desires and feelings of others is more important than your own. " As a person with such beliefs at the right moment be able to defend their interests?
2. Serious approach in education
Do not indulge child once again: will spoil the character! To grow a single-minded person, to celebrate and encourage only the important achievements, otherwise the child conceited.
In fact Hug, love, praise, buy small gifts for no special occasion! The child, who only pay attention when he achieved something significant, or even worse, in something naughty, sometimes do not realize that he is entitled to the respect of a default - simply because he there is. This can lead to the formation of insecure person who will always try to please everyone around, and this is known to be impossible.
3. Criticize openly!
Talk to the child about his faults specifically and without flattery! Citing the example of other more obedient or diligent kid, to make it clear what kind of results you expect and behavior. It is better to do it in front of other people who also support you and further shame "neposluhu". Then the child will think for sure!
In fact To listen to the criticism is not always a pleasant experience, especially in front of others. Do not do to a child is nothing that you did not do, whether in its place of your colleagues, boss, good friend... I do not ridicule or criticize publicly. The child, accustomed to such treatment, is unlikely to find the strength to adequately respond to the one who teases or hurts.
4. Double not repeat!
For misconduct should be punished immediately, so that remembered for a long time! The next time you'll think before nashalit.
In fact Punishment should be clear and proportionate to the offense. Otherwise, the child learns that life is unfair and even if made small random mistake, have to take the rap for the full program. So, no matter what influence does not work, and even better the next time not to take risks and to refrain from any initiative and experimentation. It is the victim's position that any small claim in the future will inflate itself up to the scale of the disaster, hurt and suffering.
TOP-7 bad advice as to bring out the child victim. Do not follow them! / istockphoto.com
5. Evil does not exist!
Protect the child's mind from the stress and frustration, do not refuse him anything, do not read fairy tales, in which there are bad characters. Let the child as long as possible enjoying life without encountering negative.
In fact A situation in which children are faced with the refusal or failure of a small - are small "grafting" forming healthy character (of course, provided that the child's emotions and disappointment are you heard). Otherwise, a sudden and inevitable clash with someone's refusal, claim or violation of personal boundaries can enter the child into a stupor, and he will not be ready to defend themselves.
6. You thought!
The child is still inexperienced and can be wrong in their feelings. Well, as your signature dish he may not like it?! Let him try another bite! Girl hurt the boy - do not be sad, just he likes you! Boy hurt a girl? Girls can not be offended! Afraid of heights? What nonsense, all children ride this roller coaster, it's fun!
In fact Yeah, maybe in something your child is more sensitive than others, but ignoring or denying his emotions will not help to cope with it. If we continue in the same spirit, he accustom not take into account the feelings and the feelings of others and guided by the stop trusting yourself.
7. Debriefing
There is no smoke without fire. If your child is hurt, then he is somehow provoked. Ask: "What have you done?", "Why do again because of your conflict?", "You're supposed to behave differently, and if you had not been hit ..."
In fact So the child learns to feel guilty that someone else badly behaved. A man with such a complex of guilt is difficult to protect themselves. If your baby is too modest, quiet and hesitant, help them learn to solve conflicts through games.
- Select a couple of toys and play friends who happened controversy due to the fact that one of his friends was in a bad mood today and said / did something bad with respect to the companion. Let the child visit at a time in two roles and try to resolve the situation of reconciliation or rebuff. In this game you can practice expressing their feelings, desires, and to defend himself or to ask for forgiveness for their own mistakes.
- It is in the family of the child observes and studies the basic rules of communication. He sees, understands and feels a lot more than it might seem at first glance. If, however, in this area there are gaps in the parents, it's time to start training with you.
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