School bullies and aggressors

The theme of bullying at school, children's aggression and bullying Now widely publicized, commented psychologists. But most of the discussion concerns the victim how it does not become or how to help the injured child.

We offer a look at the other side of the problem - the aggressors themselves. It is not always children from disadvantaged families or spoiled "majors".

Children go to physical and emotional abuse for various reasons. So psychologists can not make a general psychological profile of the child-aggressor. But they were able to identify a number of common features that are more common in children who are prone to aggression.

All of these features are actually closely linked. Most of them, as you will see below, come from parenting mistakes: lack of attention, physical punishment, emotional abuse, the fact that parents simply Teach your child not to respond adequately to the stress, strong emotions, difficult situations, have not learned compassion and acceptance of themselves and other children who are not worked on it self-esteem.

So, what features distinguish children-bullies psychologists.

Self-doubt

According to psychologists, most school bullies have low self-esteem. That lack of confidence causes them to "go over the top" in order to assert themselves. Often the aggressors there are those children who are popular in school. However, this does not mean that they have a healthy self-esteem. These children are the first to "spoiling for a fight" to conceal their own shortcomings and complexes. That is, they bullied others to protect their self-esteem.

Underdeveloped emotional intelligence

Children aggressor incapable of empathy: that is, do not put yourself in the place of sacrifice and think: "And what have I been in his place? What would you feel? ". For the development of emotional intelligence, empathy requires certain efforts on the part of parents and teachers, not all children is an innate ability. In addition, they shall inherit the example of their elders. If the parents differ in brutality and egotism - the children will behave similarly.

Impulsiveness

That is, the child is doing something without thinking about the consequences of his act. He does not think that the victim of his bullying hurt, hurt that person so you can bring to the suicide, etc. Why it happens? The child does not know how to deal with certain emotions, conflicts, it just is not accustomed to it, it is not able to obtain the desired in other ways.

The need to control everything around

Uncertainty in pushing the child-aggressor to ensure that the control of others and everything that happens around him. This is done out of fear that someone might encroach on his status, to reveal its complexes and cause harm. Thus, in order to avoid becoming a victim, bully tries all kept under control.

lust for power

Children who feel a sense of inferiority in some respects - are impeded, have complexes about appearance, grow in low-income families - are beginning to envy to mock other children to earn a higher status society. Other ways to achieve this, they just do not know how.

At the same time, the popular kids at school are aggressive, to preserve and emphasize its special status. This again comes from a lack of self-confidence. Inside, they are afraid that tomorrow they "expose", no one will be no longer interested in their expensive clothes, gadgets, cease to please the exterior - and never will be popular. And they are trying to intimidate others to show "who's in charge here" to them were simply afraid.

Family problems

Psychologists believe that if a child is mocking peers, it is likely to be an example that somewhere previously learned. That is, he or his family have experienced violence themselves - and now the child repeats this pattern of behavior. For example, if the father raised his hand on Mathieu and children. As if he himself or led - he by nature is an example to follow. Not the fact that the child will be in the future to beat his family. But now he will be able to throw out the aggression and emotions, which are actually directed at her father, on the weaker children.

physical punishment

Unfortunately, in many families the physical punishment of children is still commonplace and part of education. If the baby from early childhood to the parents to exert their influence, authority through physical punishment, it will be the same way to achieve all of their peers. He just does not know how to communicate differently and is not used to a different attitude. On the other hand, it is also a self-defense technique: strike first, until you hit.

Lack of attachment to parents

Children are the aggressors and in families where the parents are quite calm, ordinary people. But they, for example, work hard and just do not give the child time. Either the mother or father raising a child alone and too little involved in his life. Also, the child may be "off the chain", if the parents raise it in permissive and do not delineate the scope of permissible behavior. In all these cases have violated the child's attachment to parents, they do not keep it for yourself and do not explain the rules of engagement in society, levels of acceptable behavior.

Inability to manage anger and other emotions

These are skills that a person learns throughout life with the help of adults. Many children at an early age show aggression. This is reflected in hysterics, fights with peers, etc. But with age they learn to negotiate, to compromise, to become more tolerant. That is, learn in advance to think through different scenarios of development of the situation: not to go for any occasion into a fight, to seek the most appropriate solution to the problem. They understand that to do so it is accepted in society, otherwise - no. That aggression - a bad way to solve the problem, which he himself may suffer.

At the same time, this development-teasers children does not happen, they do not know how else to deal with emotions and why do it at all.

inconsistent upbringing

If parents are raising children inconsistent - rush to extremes, allow a lot or lots are punished, just refuse to influence them - in the mind of the child are no rules, regulations and the framework within which accepted to exist in modern society.

Often aggressive children's parents refuse to accept that their child may over someone scoff. Someone - because of excessive love, which creates a veil in the parent's eyes, someone - from the fact that aggression is not manifested until a certain time, but because it is a complete surprise.

Parents need to understand that if they do not take action until the baby is still a schoolboy and practically is not responsible for their actions, then it will soon end up being yourself in big trouble. And hope for the best "can grow" - a bad outing, because every psychologist knows - no, do not grow, but can change the type of the victim. For example, to mock his family.

You will be interested to know, how to deal with children's aggression if a child has younger.