Imagine the situation. You are communicating with a married couple. A woman is your close friend, her husband, for example, a colleague of your husband. You spend almost all the holidays together. Quite by accident, you find out that your friend's spouse is cheating on her. And now what i can do? The real dilemma is whether to tell her about it or not? This situation can have a very negative effect on your friendship, even if you are doing your duty, so to speak, by wanting to be honest with your friend.
Imagine, you still found the strength and decided to open your friend's eyes to her cheating husband. And she, in response to seemingly your help breaks down on you, stops answering calls, removes you from all social networks. Why? What have you done? All couples have their own personal problems, which they try not to flaunt. The surrounding people only see their positive side. So with your news, even if you really wanted to help the person, you break the ideal picture of a happy family.
Perhaps a friend had long guessed all this, but she was pretending to be a happy woman, but how only she became aware that none of her knew about it, she hastened to cut off everything friendly with you communication. She is more accustomed to living in her fictional world, and to maintain friendship with someone who will constantly remind by her presence alone that everything is imperfect, she does not intend to.
Or the friend was not aware that her husband was cheating on her. And she regarded your statement about his adventures as envy and a desire on your part of evil to her family. She decided that close friends do not do this, and that you have no place in her life.
There was a similar situation in my life. A familiar girl with whom we were on very good terms and her boyfriend, who also became a close friend for me, more precisely for our family. They were so happy, we saw them a lot, and were aware of almost everything that was happening to them, and they knew about us. And then, like a blow. I find out from a classmate that she had a connection with this guy. So many thoughts in my head. After all, that friend was confident in herself and her boyfriend. She had been using the "we" part for a long time when she talked about their family. “Misha and I decided ...”, “Misha and I found out”, etc. And he was always so affectionate, attentive and courteous with her before our eyes. And here is such information ...
I was offended for my friend, and in reality I was toiled, not knowing what to do. It is very inconvenient to talk about cheating. But being honest is right! Perhaps I should have immediately talked to my friend, said that I respect our friendship with her, love her, and that's the only reason I'm talking about this. And that I absolutely do not care what decision she makes ...
But I probably made a mistake after all. Because I chose the second option - to be silent about everything. I suddenly felt scared to destroy what she was so happy to build with this man. I was silent, but the information that I know followed me everywhere. But I suddenly thought, what if a friend herself knows about everything for a long time, well, about her man's infidelities, and simply does not consider it necessary to tell anyone about it?
I did not torment myself with thoughts for long. My friend's boyfriend confessed everything to her, but said that he had a relationship with that woman a little earlier than they entered into a relationship. And for some reason he added that I knew about everything. My friend, of course, was offended because I hid the truth. We began to communicate much less, I didn’t even begin to explain anything, to open her eyes to that guy. They have been together for 7 years, we see this couple extremely rarely, maybe once a year or two. He is cheating on her, does not hide it, they have constant quarrels in the family up to fights and calling the police. I think that she just knows about his betrayal and then knew about everything, just chose to live in her imaginary ideal world, and repeat "Misha and I." But I don't care anymore.
Of course, the most ideal option in this whole story is to open your friend's eyes to the cheating man, to save her from this person, and so that she is grateful for this, and so that the friendship does not break. But does that happen?
What do you think? What would you do?
The original article is posted here: https://kabluk.me/psihologija/muzh-blizkoj-podrugi-ej-izmenyaet-stoit-li-ej-ob-etom-govorit.html
